Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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he used to be a good dad

justmakeitstop
justmakeitstop

So I'm only a little over a month out from DDay. I'm sure my best option is divorce at this point. My husband has completely changed to the point that no one understands the decisions he's making. He started having an affair with a coworker supposedly in November and he already "loves her." But she's told him she doesn't want a relationship with him right now (yeah right, the phone records say differently). He works in another town and commutes every day to work. She also lives in that town. 


Since DDay he has been staying with his dad on his couch. But this weekend he texted me that the roads would be icy so he signed up for overtime yesterday and today and was going to a friend's to watch football tomorrow. So he would see them around noon on Monday. Note: he texted me this at the last possible second on Friday morning before he went into work so I couldn't respond. And he didn't come back to his dad's last night so I can only assume he's staying with her this weekend. She has 3 kids and is separated from her husband. 


We were the family that spent 24/7 together. He has never been away from his kids for this long. I'm getting ready to file and I'm definitely considering full custody right now. I'm just having a hard time deciding what's best for my kids, DD 8, DS 4, who adore their father. But this guy is not the dad they knew. Any advice?

Koko
Koko
I think you should file so you can have a more regular schedule. If you can have a parental agreement written hard it would be difficult for him to ignore (I would think). My Stbx moved out but still shows up in the morning to take them to school but I'm just waiting for him to get tired of it. I filed on Friday and my lawyer is writing up the parental agreement.
justmakeitstop
justmakeitstop
Agree. When they start to interfere with his time with her, then it may get bad. That may be what's happening now. I have to protect them from that.
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
Wow I have to say through our breakup it got quite ugly. He however always remained a good dad....although stuff he did to me questioned that but he always made them priority.
I would in your shoes also consider full custody. Sorry your kids have to even deal with this being so young Too!
jojored
jojored
How long has it been since he's seen the kids? A week? I don't think the courts will look unfavorable upon that. If it's been months, different story. Can you call him when he's not there so the kids can speak with him, say before bedtime? Or would that be too hard on them?

Courts usually want to go 50/50 on custody. You'd have to present a good case for wanting more time. But - he may find that 50% custody of young kids will cramp his new lifestyle, so he may not even want that. 5 kids, assuming he's with the gf and all the kids are together, can kill any 'affair' type relationship. I hope he does not even try this, to get the kids together with her. Maybe that's what's on her mind, and that's why she wanted to put the brakes on. Ugh.
justmakeitstop
justmakeitstop
I don't think she wanted to put the breaks on. They're probably just saying that to make it easier for them in their divorce cases. He usually sees them every day. This will only be 3 days but it's highly unusual for him.

They can call him whenever they want as long as he's not working. If he moves in with her it will be in a town 45 minutes away and that won't work for them school wise.
jojored
jojored
I see. He will have to chose to move closer to them if he wants to maintain a close connection with the kids. For their sake, I hope he does. Keep being momma-bear for those cuties!
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