You are going to go through it for a while. You have to feel it there is nothing you can do about it. Just try to distract yourself from it. Good luck to you.

Does she have someone new? Thats a hard one
When they do. During my separation and divorce
We had limited phone contact, mostly a notebook
In the kitchen and thru lawyers.

We still coshared The property and all monies. He
just did not live there, he moved in with his mother
and some to His GF's.

We survived it, best to keep it as close to no contact
As possible. No personal talk what so ever, keep it to
The business at hand. Home, finances and divorce.

I eventually went total no contact after i moved out
Of town and after the divorce and decree were final.
Its takes time to detach from them after a long term
Marriage. I was 30 years too.

There is no good conversation my ex and i can have
Now. Maybe eventually in the future if he can make
amends thats a big if though. I have done forgiveness
Long ago thats all about me not him. HUGS

The posts above certainly tell me I am not alone. I find myself distracting myself with a book and my alarm clock. I read for an hour. Alarm goes off. I then try to do something productive like dishes for an hour.

This morning I awoke with anxiety over it. So I started reading my book on divorce. Later found I was getting obsessed with the situation and only sped up the rollercoaster ride.

I guess I will have to accept that some days are just going to be like this.

Divorce and separation are like nothing i have
Ever been thru and the last 12 years were pretty
Bad with him.

I am a codependent that did not help my situation.

The big BUT here is most long term marriages when
There is a deep bond theres a natural normal attachment
That takes place. When my marriage was fairly healthy we
Were a team and each did our own thing. Had each others
Back.

I found my marital bond the hardest to let go of, still not gone
Yet But i no longer cry when thoughts get near it. In divorce care
I had to put that issue on a shelf to be revisited.. What pain and
Hurt it brought me when i went near it. HUGS

It is a horrible feeling to care for someone who no longer cares for you. It is best to do the no contact rule and hopefully one day your body will realize that they are no longer part of your life and will finally realease them from you. It is a daily struggle to not think of your ex. To not have them influence how you feel. The lonely days are especially tough. Do your best to stay strong and try and focus on who you are and what you want to do for yourself.

No contact does help a lot with the detaching.

It took me 18 long months post divorce and
Moving. I still have not Seen him. I am luckier
than many with no Children and i stay away
from things he Might attend.

To me the marital bond is a Different being
And connection. Its more about your vows,
mutual love and Respect, trust, faith, honor
And all things a healthy happy marriage should
Have.

My ex did not seem to have much problem
Bonding with his new GF. They had already
a deep connection and he was long checked
Out spouse.

I can go with the no contact rule. She has no problem contacting me if she needs something. Or wants me to pay for a bill. I found my last conversation with her to be interesting. She spoke to me as if she said something that upset me and asked me if I was ok. In truth I thought to myself. Yeah I'm fine. You really don't know me! I'll take that contact moment and smile☺️Oh and by the way ....I did give her money for the cell phone payment. Lol

Thanks Mirandac. Totally makes scenes to me what your saying.

I know exactly how you feel, how can we be in pain from losing someone who cares so little for us? It's a melon scratcher for sure. My ex is a pig and I honestly believe his never loved me but it still hurts so much. But it will pass it has too and it will for you too x

Its a normal feeling and I think all of us struggle with no contact. I'm in day 6 NC - I get up everyday thinking about him but feeling good, as the day goes by I get anxious and my hands itch from wanting to text him. At the end of the day I'm exhausted from fighting with myself. I do try to stay occupy but still think about him. I do know I will feel worst if I message him cause one he wont answer and two if he does it will something short and totally detached and that just brings the hurt back to life and it makes sad again.
Stay strong.

Hi I tried to be no contact with my ex but it did hurt me a lot more to not see him or talk to him... But he left me sick and unable to walk with our 4 kids and that sank me into a deep depression! But my children recently have asked can they start to see him again because I told them to try and forgive their father for abandoning us... So he has been over her twice so far and each time I cry so hard after he leaves! Because I still want him to come back home to us but I won't beg anyone to come back home to me and their kids... He still gives me mixed emotions so I don't ask anymore... I am just in therapy and I stay in prayer and I come on here to rant and rave when I need too. So right now I am just working on me and my children and if it works out or not hopefully I will be alright! Good luck! Hugs!

life sucks.. I need more compassionate people in my life.. not some cold selfish beings...I keep getting those...bummer.. I know how u feel. but there is a trick to get over it. keep yourself busy and try to find ways to think of her as someone who won't improve your life..but only will bring it down.. then u will feel better that she is not with u.

Isn't it strange how we seem to attract the same kinds of people into our lives? I'm kind of codependent and narcissists love me which just ensures I will always have someone on hand who is at least partially emotionally unavailable and lacking in empathy while I scramble to do the work for both sides of the relationship. The doormat. It's amazing how much work and insight have to go into identifying and changing these patterns in ourselves. Makes me sad sometimes to think I'm stuck.

Codies and narcs are like a hand and glove.

That is their target group, who else would
Put them first and put up with them, HUGS

My husband and i had issues almost from the start. He has issues with sex addiction and i was sexually assaulted. I have a bad view on sex and had issues with it for years. I knew i should have gotten help a long time ago but i was ashamed and felt like i had no support or understanding from my husband. With the lack of intimacy on both ends we became strangers. We would constantly put me down and yell at me which didnt help the situation. I love him, but i cant help wonder if i love the him i use to know. I will miss the companionship and the plans we were making. I just feel lost and alone. Im afraid with my issues, i wont find anyone to love me again. I know i shouldnt be looking at the future but that seems to be all i see.