I couldnt agree with you more! I dont know how many times I heard people tell me to go out and find someone else and asked me if I have started dating and when I said "No" they would be like "why the hell not!" These are also people who dont have the responsibilities that I do such as kids and go from one relationship to another. Starting over, as far as with relationships, sucks. I dred the whole dating and opening up to someone again. For now the focus is on my daughter and I. Ive put to much effort and time into another person and would always seem to forget about myself. ((HUGS))

I'm trying to date, but the men I have met think dating is just like test driving for a new car. They want to meet, get right down to "kicking the tires" and trying out the new vehicle. After the test run they're off to try another car!! Makes me sick. But don't dare to mention to any of them that they just might be taking the whole process a little too lightly!! All of a sudden YOU'RE the one with the issues!

I think they were being a smartass. The concept is ill conceived, and why would you want another of what you just had. Illogical.

I agree. Sadly, that's many people's response to a breakup. They don't take the time to heal, so they go through the same thing over and over again and wonder why. Not me. I have no plans to date.

I heard a lot of "the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else!" and things of the like.. almost immeidately after being separated.

These are typically people who have never been divorced and have no personal relative experience or understanding of how emotionally toxic it is.
They also would rather see you dating again because it makes THEM feel less discomfort in your presence. They dont want to deal with your deep, complex emotions - theyd rather cover it up than try to understand

Well, I've said this a thousand times: People, nowadays, want to give ten percent to 100 people rather than 100 percent to one. Relationships appear to be disposable for many, unfortunately.

People seem uncomfortable with the idea that thosewho are divorced or separated have ONE, been in a position where, guess what? Sometimes fairy tales don't come true or TWO, they can't believe people figure out how to be single, figure out it's ok to be single. There's still this deal out there where no one is TRULY happy unless they are hitched to someone else.

I say, let them have their relationships, and I will be content being single.

AMEN!

Oh that works Shine, and well.

And while someone does that to get over their ex, they create more carnage by using someone else, and putting the someone else in the same place they were.

That's waaaaay too morally f'd for even me.

I don't know. We aren't really disposable but we kind of are.....we do die after all...but we cannot be disposed in the sense we are emotionally connected and I think in the event.that I was dying I wouldn't want my husband to be alone in that respect......I wouldn't want my child to see me that way....I would want them to live..........why do we have to be alone in our emotions if someone is willing to help get us through it. I don't think people should use each other but I don't want to be in a relationship with a therapist all my life. Why can't partner's be partners and simply help each other through their chaos and build their relationship on that kind of foundation.

Its like when you go out to eat, and the person youre with orders fries and a burger, and tries to coax you into ordering it too, because they dont want to feel bad about themselves in comparison when you order a salad and a water.

Its about them avoiding leaving their own comfort zone and not giving a crap less about yours.

Yeah well that's just annoying behavior.....I would just order the lobster tail.......lol

I know people that can go from one relationship to another easily and "appear" to not even look back or let that interfere with their new relationship. My sister is one. She was divorced in August and just married this May to a guy she hasn't known but less then a year.

On the flip side of that, there are people who go to a new relationship easily, but their past failed relationship does nothing but kill the possibility of the new relationship working.

I also know people who feel they have to mull thru and deal with each piece of trash from that last relationship before they will even think about even looking at dating let alone having a relationship with someone.

and so on...

I think the important thing here is that you know exactly where you stand when it comes to that topic. That regardless of what people say, you made/make up your own decisions as to if "getting under someone" is what you need to get over someone. Many of us here have had that said to us at one time or another. Sometimes the comment is flippant, some times, people really mean it. But in the end, you can't put too much value on quick response common comments and do what ever works for you.

I think everyone is different in personalities and wants and needs. Each of us lives our lives whichever way we need to, however, we all have similarities and not taking the time to 'unpack the luggage and get cleaned up from all the road dirt' would just lead to another poor trip down a road we have all travelled before.
Although I hold all relationships in high value, I have noticed that many do not. As much as I would not want to judge, having my heart raked through hell's coals and beaten by Hephaestus' hammer, makes it difficult.
When I am ready, I will be ready and no one has to live with that except me. Until then, I will do my best to laugh off the ignorant attempts to advise me out of my plight.

Sandy, funny metaphor to me especially since I like test driving cars and the right one will be with me for quite some time. If the door isn't open, then I won't be able to get in, get it started and go for a ride but I could still admire it and decide if it would be a car I would want to take home.

Charlie, you said, "Why can't partner's be partners and simply help each other through their chaos and build their relationship on that kind of foundation."
Right on...

This is a great discussion. I am working on myself to a point where comments such as "just go out and get another one" will not bother me much...ah, but I am still a work in progress...

Good luck mal and try not to vomit

Yeah. I had the same comment from my ex right after our separation. Like I can pick up a replacement. I felt a void at first, but now I am happy to be single. I really get a chance to get to know myself again and focus on family and friends and do whatever I want.

NewBegin, now thats a little different. For someone's ex to say that to them, I take that as an immature statement. it shows the mentality that person has towards their feelings on what's going on.