Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After her return from her trip away she decided we were over but could stay as friends. She got home from work early and the first thing she did was call me! We talked for more than an hour. However, when we were talking about a trip we both want to make to Spain I decided to cross the line and said that I would love to go with her. Then she got really cold and said, please dont go there. She told me to please not ruin what we have now, to take it slowly. I got the sense in our whole conversation that I am not in her plans anymore, even though we had a great time talking. we have so much in common and enjoy each other. I was so sad. I wish I could tell her how much I love her and how I badly I want to those things with her. This whole friendship thing is working well for her but I feel very anxious. Maybe if we continue like this, she will come around. The fact that she called me as soon as she got home, that we had two great conversations during the day and that she called me in the morning may imply that she still cares. Or maybe I am making it easiear for her to transition to singlehood. I have hopes that I can win her over if I keep it cool and lower my anxiety and let things flow. If this does not work, I might try the no contact thing, but for now if she keeps calling and I we have a good time maybe I will have her back with patience.
PD As I was writing this she called me to say goodnight handsome.
PD As I was writing this she called me to say goodnight handsome.
@gabriel- its in your first sentence - "we are over but can stay friends".
you cant snap and shift gears that quick. take some control back and focus on you. maybe look into some codependancy books and counseling? if it is really meant to be, she isnt going to mind if you work on yourself so you are more grounded if things do work out. relationships are 2 sides - not just hers.
xoxo
she reminds me of a girl i once knew... everything was on her terms , her time and she would hang out with men just long enough to get what she wanted.
do you buy her stuff/help pay her way?
are you a bed buddy when she is horney? some women like casual sex
seriously, sir,,, let us know.
just like that girl who i knew who tried to mess around with my husband...
nothin but tramps.
Been there, done that, ended it. It's unhealthy and you're holding on to hope in what will tear you apart, as it obviously has been. It's hard to let go of hope, but you need it for yourself.
Don't just read the advice here...take it. It's overwhelmingly one sided. People here are on your side and have a wealth of experience.
Go a month or two w/o contact, at least, then maybe you can see things for what they really are and decide if you want to pursue a healthy friendship with her.
Or keep making the hole in the wall measured w/ you head bigger.
Your choice, your decision.
I went thru a similar phase with my husband two years ago, when he walked out on me because we were 'incompatible'. Only to call me and switch his leaving to 'I didn't dump you, I was just trying to get my life in order'. Trust me, I fell for it. When his venture didn't work out, he came back. Only to be leaving again.
It won't work out, no matter how nice/understanding you are. She's just using you to fill in the blanks until she can find someone else. Once she finds someone, there won't be any replies -- how will you feel then? At least this way -- you have your dignity.
Hang in there bud, be tough.
Your story sounds similar to the way my ex behaved. He was more interested in relieving himself from guilt when he broke it off because he was entertaining another female. At that point, what he wanted was no longer a concern for me. I decided that I did not want to be the woman who holds on to a man who is dragging me in the event that the relationship did not work out with the new woman.
In terms of being your friend, the best thing for her is to hope you will be her friend. Sorry to sound so harsh, but being her friend is not totally up to her.
Detaching yourself will hurt you, but in the end you will come out strong out of the experience like most of us have. You should be in control of the breakup, not she.
It's just a personal opinion, though, and you have to do what you feel is right regarding your situation and emotions.
Sometimes our feelings are misleading. We can err greatly if all we do is follow our feelings. Yes, they have a weight and should not be ignored. Sometimes, good old logic and reason need to lead us in healthy decision making.
I took advice from here almost a year ago, and it was revolting to do so, but it's what made the difference in my divorce becoming amicable. I can now have a decent friendship w/ my STBX and work together co-parenting our son, instead of being at war, anxious, in pain, and angry. It took setting aside my feelings and doing what was rationally correct given the circumstances. It wasn't at all easy and it was the right thing to do.
In Gabriel's case, it's obvious he's being manipulated and used.