Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After her return from her trip away she decided we were over but could stay as friends. She got home from work early and the first thing she did was call me! We talked for more than an hour. However, when we were talking about a trip we both want to make to Spain I decided to cross the line and said that I would love to go with her. Then she got really cold and said, please dont go there. She told me to please not ruin what we have now, to take it slowly. I got the sense in our whole conversation that I am not in her plans anymore, even though we had a great time talking. we have so much in common and enjoy each other. I was so sad. I wish I could tell her how much I love her and how I badly I want to those things with her. This whole friendship thing is working well for her but I feel very anxious. Maybe if we continue like this, she will come around. The fact that she called me as soon as she got home, that we had two great conversations during the day and that she called me in the morning may imply that she still cares. Or maybe I am making it easiear for her to transition to singlehood. I have hopes that I can win her over if I keep it cool and lower my anxiety and let things flow. If this does not work, I might try the no contact thing, but for now if she keeps calling and I we have a good time maybe I will have her back with patience.
PD As I was writing this she called me to say goodnight handsome.
PD As I was writing this she called me to say goodnight handsome.
She has decided to break up but still wants to be able to call you when she's lonely to chat, etc. Meanwhile, she will be out looking for your replacement. You will be supporting her during her transition period to the new man. Your attachment will stay strong because you still have feelings for her, but when she finds that new man you will be dropped like a hot potato and be hurt once again.
Sure, you could keep this up, but I don't think your heart will be able to handle disappointment and heartache that will eventually happen. Don't help her in this way. If she wants a break, it should be a clean break. Tell her that maybe some time in the future you can be cordial and friendly, but not now. Most people who are friends with their exes are not that way immediately after the break up. Later, after the emotions have passed, then they are able to be casual friends.
time to tell her that if she wants a break up that she stops calling, emails, texts, etc. All of it.
Careful what you wish for..
Careful what you wish for..
Careful what you wish for..
Gabriel I think she's too much in control of you and looking out for herself....
Sorry
If i could never see my ex wife ever again, I would have it that way.
I would leave her alone. No contact. Maybe in the future you two can talk it out, but give it time. At least till your head clears and you are acting on logic and not emotions.
Let's imagine it's five years from now. You have patiently waited for her, let her call you, been her sounding board, but she has never returned the favor. When you suggest trips together, she immediately "don't go there." She continues to see other people and you sit at home, waiting by the phone for her daily texts and emails.
Is this really a life you want to live? Is she that wonderful that you are willing to put your life on hold, take any scrap of affection she tosses you, let her dictate the terms of the relationship (remember, "don't go there"). Really?!
I am going to say this in the nicest way I can. You need to see a counselor. I am not an expert on codependency but your situation really resembles it. This "friendship" that she wants benefits only one person--HER. Notice when you start making requests, she backs off. You are so much better than this and deserve so much more. Why are you settling for scraps of affection? A counselor will help you dig into these issues.
This situation is not healthy for you. She cannot have half-assed reconciliation that is only on her terms. YOU ARE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP TOO. I've advised you before to set some boundaries with her: marriage counseling if she wants reconciliation, limited contact, etc.
You really need to do this for your own mental health. She will continue to take and take and take until she sucks you dry. You deserve someone who truly wants you, not just sees you as a sounding board.
If she wants that kind of companion, let her get a damn dog.