Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, my wife and I had the first "real" talk since she told me she wanted to separate and eventually get divorced last month. She made it clear that she no longer wants to be married to me and made it clear that there is no hope of saving the marriage....She is DONE. She also said she in no way wants to take the house that I worked so hard to get and said I can keep the home and she will not fight over it at all. As a matter of fact, she lets me sleep in the master bedroom while she stays in the guest room. She is currently looking for a full-time job so she can afford to move out, but is staying at our current home until then. She said until she moves out, we should be civil, actually friendly to one another and have an amicable relationship so the kids won't be affected too much and it will make our current living situation easier to deal with.
I told her this is OK as I too don't want the kids to feel anymore stress than they already are going through. I also said OK, because I hope deep down inside she will realize we are good together and remembers that we have an awesome family and decide to stay. I also understand the likelihood of her leaving when she can afford to.
This just sucks so much, why can't we just stay married???? It's hard to act strong in front of her and the kids, when deep down inside I'm feeling very weak and crying like a baby at night.
I told her this is OK as I too don't want the kids to feel anymore stress than they already are going through. I also said OK, because I hope deep down inside she will realize we are good together and remembers that we have an awesome family and decide to stay. I also understand the likelihood of her leaving when she can afford to.
This just sucks so much, why can't we just stay married???? It's hard to act strong in front of her and the kids, when deep down inside I'm feeling very weak and crying like a baby at night.
Man this is the most heart-wrenching pain! I appreciate not being alone in this, Tailspin, but I am truly so very sorry you are experiencing it too. The source of our happiness and foundation for our hopes and dreams in life is now crushing it all. I hope for a miracle. I will hope the same for you.
It's very common in our culture to push ourselves through challenging times; numb our feelings out (through shopping, alcohol, excessive exercise, tv...); and to act as if we're ok. The problem is that if we don't go through it, we can't move on.
Getting through a major life change takes, on average, two to five years. It's only possible to recover by doing the work, addressing our emotions and reconnecting with ourselves by pursuing our interests and trying new things.
Generally when people don't get over divorce it's either due to premature involvement with another person (rebounding) and/or denying the grief process.
You'll get past this and the harder you work to do so, the better off you and your kids will be.
That said, you may be wise to ask her not to take the job. If she's going to stand on her own two feet, she needs to put on her big girl boots, woman-up and find herself a job. If you decide to discourage her from accepting the position, just find the kindest way to tell her she needs to give you that space.