Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Basically i had been friends with a woman who separated from her husband. We were together for a year. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to her, had cheated twice (that she knows of), and she just fell out of love with him. We have been incredible together, both of us have said we felt with each other like we have never felt before (cliche' i know,but true). He found out she was seeing me, suddenly decided to smother her with guilt and "oh my god how could you see someone else and yet say I was wrong for cheating" (yes, they were together when he cheated and she and he are separated now, but he's VERY good at manipulating her). They have a 10 year old daughter who he also used as a pawn in his mental games and she told me this past weekend she needs to try and see if they can work things out because she is no better than him because although they are separated she's still legally married so she was "cheating" too. Her friends all tell her she is making a huge mistake and they see what how he has totally made himself the victim and gotten in her head (again). That being said, I am lost. I feel as though we had the "soulmate" thing (which I never believed in before her) and I honestly never felt more loved, nor loved anyone, as it was with us. So, now I'm literally lost. Depressed, lonely, sad, really don't want to do anything. Daydream at work, desperately want to reach out to her but I know I can't.
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
What you need to understand here, is that people do what they want. People do what they want.
this chick is doing what she wants.
She'll rationalise it, blame others for it, play victim, you name it. But bottom line: she's doing what she wants to do right now.
MEMORISE that. People do what they want. And if she's doing it, you can deem her to want to.
She's gone off you and now she's pulling out the excuses.
You got involved with a married woman. She was separated, I know. But still legally married. So that whole time you had to have that in your head - she is legally attached to another man, and might at any time choose to re-engage in that marriage! For whatever reason - maybe she is being manipulated by her husband, maybe she is doing it for her daughter, or maybe she really does love him and want to rekindle their relationship.
IMO you should try to move on. If she is going to focus on her marriage then the only decent thing to do is back off and let her. Stay out of it. If her husband is as much of a jerk as he seems, it will likely not last too long. And perhaps she'll come back to you. But you shouldn't sit around pining and staying "stuck" in life waiting for that. If it happens, it happens. And if it happens, and you both really want a real relationship, then IMO the condition should be that she gets a divorce first!!
Those are my thoughts. Best wishes.
It gets slightly easier. Then a little better, then a little better. Then you backslide, then you pick yourself up and keep going forward. Time does heal. But how you spend your time can make the healing go faster IMO. I'm two years out from divorce. Feeling pretty good. The first 6 months was really tough. But it really does get better.
See a counselor if you are not already. It can help. I did for a while. If you find yourself unable to "do" things, try to schedule them. Like from 7-9pm tonight I'm going to read a book, or whatever. I know that "stuck" feeling very well. You sit, wallow. There is no motivation at all. You could sit and stare at a wall for a whole day. It's hard. You have to force yourself to do things here and there. Immerse yourself in something. You can do it.
Sometimes I would try to laugh at myself. Take a universe-sized view of my terrible plight: I'm just this one speck of a person in the universe, whose horrible awful affliction is that I got dumped. Woe is me! Laugh at myself a bit for what emotion does to us. Maybe it helps, I don't know.
Take it a day at a time, try to reconnect with people at work, get with friends and try to do things so your not just sitting around thinking about her. Its time to get back to your life....go out and meet new single people, don't just sit and pine for her, you still have a life.