Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I broke up about a month and a half ago, we lived together. I have mental health problems, borderline personality disorder, (bpd) which includes a lot of fear of abandonment, an unstable sense of self, suicidal tendencies, impulsive behavior, promiscuity among others. My ex had anger issues, he once pulled a knife on me, in another occasion we were driving and arguing and he speed up and say he will kill us both, he has damaged some of my personal belongins etc. He was abusive but not the jealous type, I was the jealous one and he felt so controlled by me that I think that was what incited his anger. Long story short I know is stupid of me, but I keep contacting him knowing that going back to that relationshinp is the worst idea. I feel so lonely and I keep holding up to the memories of the wonderful first months.I am going to therapy, reading self help books, looking for help on my bdp condition, etc. I have also slept with other people and party hard during these weeks, exploring my alternate sexualiity (I'm bisexual), but somehow I am trapped and keep contacting him and begging him to get back together.Yesterday was the worst, on the phone he said that if I was in front of him at that moment he would like to slap me on the face I cried so much, I feel so pathetic. I need to keep going foward, do the things that are right for me, and he is clearly not right for me. Any advice in how can I keep moving foward and stop contacting him and finally understand on a deep level (because intellectualy I know but I don't seem to fully grasp it in my heart) that he is not the right person for me :(
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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My daughter has mental health issues so I know how hard they are to deal with. You can't control yourself sometimes with BPD.
With that said, your ex and anger issues - that is all on him. You can't make excuses for him. Pulling a knife, saying he was going to kill you, damaging..he's a piece of work and you are better without him.
You say he felt controlled by you. I think you need to not make excuses for him. He made his own choices on how to act. You didn't force him. He could of had patience. So no, don't blame you. Release that.
We all feel lonely Angel in a breakup. Even bad relationships, we know it's there and we have something. For all the good times, there were bad and focus on them. Anytime you think of him, use a rubber band and snap it on your wrist.
Everyone will say delete his number but you might have it memorized. You should delete and block to make it harder. There isn't a definite answer. Journal when feels hit you. Send an email to yourself instead of him. Call the weather line instead of him and talk. It will get easier going no contact. But time itself doesn't heal wounds. You have to work on you.
Superlong . Dad hat for a second - becareful sleeping around. It will fill the hole for a while but it's not healing. You want someone that wants you for you. It will take time to be you.
@Nicholas1993- you hit the nail hard on the head- please take this good
heartfelt advice.,Angel it is sound true advice.
A shift has to take place within you- get counseling self support and care for you. Now,Implement it now and later in your life you will be thankful that you did.If someone tells you Work on Yourself and you do not jump immediately on it we are here to nudge you in the direction to do just that- Focus on You.If you do not these same issues will repeat itself disguised as something
else.
Much positive Energy and Vibes Surrounding You. The Strength and Commitment to yourself is one step away with only you standing in the way of a Beautiful Destiny that is..................
laid out for you.You are at the door-you have acknowledged this person is not right for you.You have to be right for you,
You must work on you and know that you are so worth it- so cherished -
and deserving of the Very Best in this Life.
Hugs <3