Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I put my foot down one year ago, ending my marriage with someone who was emotionally and physically unavailable with mental health issues (anger, mood swings, disassociation, depression, anxiety, etc.) After trying everything I could to save us, I knew it was the best option for us both to end it. They could not function in a relationship and I was beyond drained. I ended things immediately and they moved out. A week later I was drunk and made out with someone at a party. I told my ex after they would not stop calling & coming back to the house, physically kicking down the door. For the past 12 months I have endured them telling me how much I hurt them and how bad of a partner I was to them. I now have taken on the guilt of the entire relationship and feel like I should want to get back with them and fix it since everything was my fault. Of course this gave them the upper hand and they treat me bad and refuse to take me back. What hurts the most is everything they put me through has never been acknowledged. My pain has been completely dismissed and I have taken on all the responsibility for our marriage ending. It feels terrible and everyday I wake up feeling like a bad person and my reasons were not a severe as my actions. I let them in thinking we were going to work things out together and both take accountability for our own actions but I was wrong, I was left with all of the pain and responsibility. Now I can't move forward. Any advice if someone has encountered this would be helpful.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Work on your happiness and not focusing on the past
Read books listen to podcasts, watch videos
Find trusting friends
Enjoy your hobbies
Get fresh air and exercise
Many times we are attracted to the first person interested in us. We move too quickly and they turn out to be a problem. Then they won't apologize for their own bad behavior and we take ownership of their bad behavior.
Do you find yourself making this guy the hero one minute and the villain the next? Do you find yourself having mood swings or crying a lot? I know you wrote about having bad days with your illness and I think that makes this heart stuff even harder.
Don't take ownership of his bad behavior but do take ownership of what you're a "guilty" of. Yes, you ended the relationship but what if this was actually a healthy decision?
It takes time to move forward and much self introspection. A good therapist can help you.
I also ended a long long marriage due to how my husband behaved, drank, did drugs, self-absorbed, etc. In reality, if I had not made him leave and then divorced him, I would be likely very very ill and depressed. If the relationship isn't healthy, then the healthiest thing we can do is fight to end it and learn to grow and mature. Somehow I think you would benefit from good counseling and maybe assessment due to the chronic pain and other things going on in your life. This is not being ugly to you, it is trying to get you to the right help. I took a long time to think about my options and I kept a journal of my feelings and the way the marriage was circling the drain. I went to a support group and later had good counseling. In some ways I have felt sad that the marriage ended, I don't feel guilt but it blew up my family and I've lost a lot. But I was losing my soul in this terrible, abusive relationship so all in all I am better off currently 15 years later.