Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Filing tomorrow... Ugh

Jgarc
Jgarc
Here is a little background on my story : http://www.dailystrength.org/people/3039556/journal

Tomorrow I will be going in and officially filing for divorce. I'm not sure how I am feeling at this moment. I want to go on with my life , but I also feel that by filing for it, I failed, I failed at being happy.

I know it may sound dumb but sometimes I feel guilt for filing, because that would be ME "officially" giving up on us. I don't know why he hasn't filed since he was so desperate to gettting out of this relationship.

I am just hurt, I feel decieved, I feel destroyed, I had all these plans and all these dreams made with this person and now I have to start all over again.

I know that he isn't good for me, but deep down I thought that one day he would wake up and realize the mistake he has made and apologized.

All he has contacted me is over petty things - there is no sign that he is sorry or regrets anything that he has done.

I start to think about all that he has done and I cannot believe I have allowed him to put me down this way. He would get angry at me because I wanted to talk to him about us and fix things.

Please tell me what do you guys think? Is it time for me to file?
Jgarc
Jgarc
I don't know what I would do without this support group. You guys are so great! Thank you so much. You are right, he failed me... But it hurts because sadly I am being dragged down with hin
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're only being dragged "down" if you let it bring you down. It can be a new beginning if you let it. It can bring you up. You no longer have to fight a losing battle. You no longer have to focus on the negative side of life going on in your home. You get to be you, and decide for yourself what to make of your life. This can be a time to rise up. It's all about perspective. Try to see the good that can come out of this.
Jgarc
Jgarc
You are right cheryt- I just need to take one step at a time. Despite that I know this is good for me, it still hurts someone can be so cruel and to realize they never really loved you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know about him never loving you. He probably did when you married him. I believe my husband did love me, and still does. I mean why not? I was a complete doormat for him, and he liked it. I do believe he has a warped sense of what married life should be. My STBX was so over-focused on making sure that nothing in his life changed after he got married that he completely forgot that he was married, with children. Spent way too much time hanging out with his friends and doing his own thing and completely neglected his family. I was a single parent in a married household doing EVERYTHING for my children while nothing changed for him. So I don't look at it like a loss for me anymore. I've gained so much freedom and serenity from being out of that situation. I truly don't care whether he loves me anymore or not. It doesn't matter to me anymore, because he love he offered me was not what I needed.
Jgarc
Jgarc
Cheryt: you are right. I still believe he didn't love me tho. Because it is impossible to hurt someone you love.i really don't think he was ready to commit even though he was the one that pushed to get married. I feel bad for him at this point. Such a soulless individual.
stillbitterjaded
stillbitterjaded
No.

He loves/loved you. Just loved HIMSELF more.
Jgarc
Jgarc
Stillbitterjaded: but isn't that the way it should be? Love yourself first?
stillbitterjaded
stillbitterjaded
You need to love yourself, but putting your individual self-serving wants above the needs of the "coupledom" is what I mean.

My outlook: when you choose to be in a partnership, you still must maintain your individuality but you give up the selfish self-serving individual behaviors.

Does that make sense?
Jgarc
Jgarc
Yes it def does make sense. I know what you mean. I think that you can put yourself first with out neglecting and hurting someone else.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You've gotten some great responses here.

Did you end up filing on Monday?
Jgarc
Jgarc
Yes I did start the process. I came hope me broke down, I think it was a wake up call for me... Because deep down and I don't know why, I thought things would have been different between Him and I
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just remember - you are only 1/2 of the relationship. He's the other half. You both have to try to make it work, and he didn't want to. You have to let it go because it is already gone.
Jgarc
Jgarc
Cheryt: you are right. It's just crazy to me how he pursued marrying me and at the end wasn't ready for it. I know that life goes on but I wanted to marry someone 1 time and it be for the rest of my life.
OLDBIKER
OLDBIKER
I believe marrying someone once for a lifetime is most everyone's dream unfortunately, the spouse does not see things this way. I have seen more marriages break up after years of marriage moreso the past 10 years, than I ever have before.

Life is hard enough when both partners are focused and dedicated to the marriage. When one side decides differently, it causes much emotional pain and stress on the other.

There are often so many unanswered questions. When my ex got her last bad report, I asked if I could come to talk to her, one on one. It took her 2 months to agree and then, it was too late. I went to see her at the hospital and she was on morphine and was in and out of reality. The room was full of people but, I did get to ask her if she had anything to tell me or wanted to ask me anything and she sad "no, everything is ok". She died the next day.
All the questions I had about our marriage now will remain with me. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. It seems very hard to deal with at times but, you will make it through. Stick we us and we will do our best to support you through this trial of life.
Jgarc
Jgarc
Oldbiker: thank you for your words. I appreciate it. I hope I can make it through this bumpy ride.
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