Jgarc,
You are young, you deserve someone who loves you as you do them. You didn't fail at happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You now have a chance for happiness.
Please don't feel guilty for what HE, yes HE has done.
I am so very happy for you to be able to get on with your wonderful abuse free life!!!!!!!
Please keep us posted.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you Gem. I just can't believe this happened to me.

I won't say whether it's time for you to file, but I will say that when it's right, it's right.

I had to be seaprated for a year in my state, and about ten months in, I was just so sick of waiting for him to pull his weight, waiting for him to make time or act like I was important. Finally, one day in August, I was sad, so sad. I often don't cry in front of people, but that day, I was a wreck, So I called him and literally begged for him to come home. If he wanted this marriage at all, come home, I needed him. His response? He was on his way to watch the Nascar race at his buddy's house, who lived ten min away from me.

That was it. I hung up and realized that all the begging, etc I could do...telling him one hundred different ways that I felt like I was number 13 on his list of priorities (after himself, his job, his softball, his flag football, his racing, his affair, his friends, etc...) and here he was, 10 months in, with a flashing yellow neon sign over our marriage, and he STILL wouldn't miss a race on television.

I called him the next morning, told him I definitely wanted the divorce, and it was all finalized that December.

I had no idea that particular day was going to be my deciding factor. But it was. It's when I realized he wasn't going to change or hear me, and that he wanted me to "get over" his affair, which he felt had nothing to do with our communication break down. It's when I realized that I would rather face the Unknown, then stay where I was miserable.

Only you know when the time is right.

Tryingtomakeit- you are right... And just like you I have poured my heart out for this man. Told him that I loved him, that we can start all over again and all I got from him was "please stop" "this is why I don't want to talk to you" I would ask him, are you 100% you want this? And he wrote " yes, 100%"- just thinking about how cruel he has been brings me to tears.

I cant make the decision for you as to when it is best for you to file - this is your process and your journey - I think the fact that you are asking about it seems that if you don't file today you will sooner rather than later. Its entirely up to you and what you want for your life.

Ive been divorced 3 years. My ex-husband still hasn't woken up and seen the mistakes. That's his life. I have no control over that. The sooner you file, the sooner you can rebuild as it sounds like he is "100% sure" of things - but again - you know what works best for you in your life. Sending good thoughts your way.

xoxo

It is true that this is ultimately something that only you can decide. It's your choice, yours, and he can't take it away from you. From reading your post, it sounds like he's taken a lot things from you but the ultimate choice over your life is still yours. By making it, it's you succeeding and *not * failing at taking back *you*, your right to be happy, to not be ignored, to not be abused. And yes, it's scary as heck rebuilding yourself. Everyone here knows that.

We're here for you, however you choose, whenever you choose. *hug* I believe in you.

Thank you for your replies. I know that it is ultimately my decision but it feels so great to read your comments. Thank you guys :) Im hoping to make the right decision. SO far, he has made every move and I have been left in the dark.

It sounds to me like you are waiting for him to either have a change of heart or do the filing himself. Just keep in mind that, while you wait for HIM to do something, you are being kept in limbo, and YOU are doing it to yourself. He's already told you he's 100% for the divorce, so what is stopping you? That would be the question to ask yourself. I understand wanting to make things work, but you can't do it by yourself, and it doesn't sound like he wants to make it work at all. He's done. 100%. Now, what is it you're looking for to help you make the decision to file?

Cheryt, you are right, I dont know why I am being so blind, despite how much he has hurt me. I need to do it. I need to move on with my life.

Jgarc-
Filing doesnt mean you failed. It means you tried everything else that you could and your partner wasnt willing to be a partner.
This is not a reflection on your ability to be happy - it is a chance to ALLOW yourself to be happy.

Dont forget you have friends here who have your back :)

And, filing doesn't mean finalizing. It's a step, but many more steps are required to be final. Don't overthink it. Take it 1 step at a time. When I used to think far ahead I would become overwhelmed and decide to do nothing, because it felt safer than having to go through "all that." But when I broke it down and just focused on 1 thing at a time, it became much more doable.

Thank you Chery, I want it to be like taking off a bandaid. Quick! I don't even want to see him of possible!

I haven't read the responses.

I think you need to do for you. I think you need to be happy. I think you'll blossom again when you find yourself. I think you're about to embark on your toughest journey yet, and will hit crazy highs and agonizing lows.

But I think once you get through this, you'll like the person that you've become because you show tiny little glimpses of it in your posts. Just a sentence here and there, but it's there.

I found out the hard way, that you can not make someone love you. Some people have a warped idea of what true love is. I tried for about 8-1/2 years to make my marriage work. Finally after 3 stabbing attempts and her getting a gun and said she was going to kill me, I have to leave to live. 10 yrs. down the drain for me. I was 28 yrs. old then. I paid child support for 14 years. Tragic thing is, she passed away this past Jan. of cancer. Live doesn't always turn out like we planned. I am sorry you are having to deal with this. Divorces are always sad times. They are stressful and emotionally draining at times. Hang in there. Others have made it through this type thing and so will you. Regardless, it takes time to heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You did not fail, he failed you. He promised you forever and he did not come through for you. Its not you that failed - its him.