Two words - No Contact.

It isn't as easy to be sucked back into a bad relationship if you don't see, text or talk to the other person. That means no shared social media, block the phone number, ignore all attempts to contact you.

You are young, time to start working on yourself, learn to love yourself so you don't need to "with" anyone who is unhealthy for you.

Wishing you the best.

Thank you for your kind advise.
No contact is what i.m trying to now, as we used to live together for the past year in a foreign country. He moved ... but next door. It.s an absolutely shitty situation that i got myself in by complicating it with this let.s move in together.
I told him yesterday that i know that for him might be comfortable living next door and moving on, but for me it.s impposible. He said he.ll move because he wants me to be happy. But i don.t know... it doesn.t feel quite right..

You have already spent almost 10 years in this "go nowhere" relationship. Do you want to be in the same place next year, 5 years from now, 10 years from now.

Remember, the time you spend in a bad relationship is cheating you out of the time you could spend in a wonderful relationship with someone who loves, respects and honors you.

I agree with the first comment. Cutting the ties and the distancing has to happen. Without it, the ability to detox yourself from the other person is incredibly difficult. While this is no great analogy nor is it an attempt to compare a serious drug epidemic to a relationship but think of a heroine addict quitting the drug cold turkey. Horrible withdraws, if they stop using all at once. Nothing deadly but just plain awful and the person feels like they're dying. If you sever the tie in a relationship sometimes it might feel the same. The other option. For an addict is to connect with a maintenance program. They can get a little bit of something every day and hold on to the effects of the drug without. Actually having to give it up.... just a thought. At some point the cycle has to stop.. sounds like you are recaognizing that but haven't come to grips in how to make that happen.. hope you get some clarity as you process through it.

It may help for us to understand why this relationship is toxic.

Well.. uhm of course it.s a really long, complicating story. I even have troubles remembering all of the bad stuff that happend in the past 9 years,but long story made short. He is constantly leaving me under different reasons. The main ones are that he cares about me, but doesn.t love me. He sees me like his .. sister. Whenever somebody gives him attention he "madly" falls in love and tells me that he wants something else. He wants to have fun and experiment other things. Don.t get me wrong. During these years we both had other relationships but they didn.t work. For him i don.t know why, and for me because i always chose him when he wanted me back. He.s been playing with my mind and my heart. He had an accident 7 years ago and he was critical. He was in a coma for 9 days. That period i think bounded me so much with him. I felt like i have to take care of him and i always wanted to be around him to see that he was doing good. I never put myself first. It was always him. But he never had difficulties leaving me for another girl, or because he just didn.t want me around...

I don't have an advice, but I am in the same (or very similar) situation. My girlfriend is also very manipulative (narcissistic) as well. When they need you, they called and paid attention. They always keep you on the string. If you love him (like I love her) still, we will let ourselves back into their space thinking they care & need you. But it is true that the minute someone(s) else more important than you show up, you are their low-priority person. But because you added value to their lives, they are not going to let you go (until they know you won't give them any more or until you don't have anymore to give.)

I gave everything i could all the time. It doesn.t matter how much. I was never enough or good enough. I don.t know. And i don.t even know if i still love him.. i think i.m obsessed with being with him. Like i am under the impression that nobody could accept all his crappy things and funny moods and take care of him. But you are right. We are on a string. The "problem" is that i don.t want to be anymore. It.s just so hard to let go. I know i.ll be better without him, but it.s something really hard for me that doesn.t want to let go for good... maybe it.s just because i got used to this behavior all these years and the only thing that i know now is just being like this... depressed, unhappy, worried, crying and having panic attacks..

At what point will it be too much to take?

I don.t think that it matters anymore now, as he broke up with me 2 months ago but still living one next to each other. After i found out recently he is in love again with another one, that.s what kills me. Seeing him moving on so easily and me being stuck. If it.s not meant to be why do i still have this feelings that kill me? Why do i have to be stuck all the time? It.s not a matter of how much i can take, because i can.t. I just want to stop feeling something for him. He can, why can.t i?....

There needs to be closure. This is worse than dealing with a death of a loved one because closure is so difficult to attain. You are maintaining hope for a miracle in your relationship. Instead you need to refocus your hope to a hope for a better you. Grieve the loss and face it head on. With time and prayer, you will see a new path has opened before you. One that leads to something even better than than what you leave behind. Be patient with yourself. You have experienced trauma and what is worse it is repetitive trauma. It will take time to heal. Blessings to you, Elize.

My ex stays nearby too so i know it hurts a lot to be so near. Consider moving if he doesn't. It will take time before u can turn off the memory. U need to process the hurt, the lost and anger. I believe we all have this sense of injustice in us. "good grief! Im better without him!!!" learn to laugh at him for his loss. Not urs.

He is a phenomal manipulator and has been using you for ten years
Never loving you
Always using you

Moving out but next door to you, that's classic power control manipulation

Understand that he loves with passion and commitment , he loves himself only
Other people?
He only loves what he can use them for

He loves everything but me. He cares a lot for me, but that.s it. He loves everything that.s new and exciting. Anyone that gives him a little bit of attention. That.s it. He.s into it 100%. It doesn.t matter if i was the only one that was there and doing everything that he wanted. If your are a girl, a new girl that pays him attention. He will be in love with you and do everything to be with you. It.s hopeless. It hurts me everytime he finds a new girl, but also makes me think that i should explore myself and let go the idea of "him".

Of course he always tells me that he wants us to be friends. I tried, i really tried but i can.t. it.s to hard for me to pretend that i.m ok with that. And he said that because he doesn.t want to make me suffer he will step away but will still ask people how am i doing. He wants me to be happy... bullshit like that..