Yeah, i feel you. Men can be very selfish and it sucks that they cant be there for you like we are there for them. I say stay strong put you first, and God will bring along the right man to fight with you and not at you.

I know what it's like to want them to understand what it feels like, but sadly most of them don't even care. I have waited 23 years for my stbx to suddenly get what he has put me through, but the older they get, the more stone hearted many of them become.

people in general can be selfish, it isn't only the male gender.

Its just the way a lot of people are now a days. Not everyone, but a good majority.

My wife is the cheater and usually the dumper has already processed the breakup for months or years so they feel a sense of relief when they pull the trigger. It's not a male/female thing it's dumper/dumpee...I was destroyed for over a year and she was happy as a clam, wanted to be friends with me, had NO problem talking with me etc etc while i was crawling the walls and spending weekends in bed. Just have to stay no contact and go through the pain..then heal up...you'll et stronger this way than bouncing from one relationship to the next immediately

This is a good article. For me..the way a broken heart feels is diffult and painful to describe. Hope this helps.

http://elitedaily.com/dating/scientific-reasons-why-a-broken-heart-is-really-bad-for-you/970609/amp/#read-more

don't pick on all men being like your ex. we're not.

I like to think that even though my life X-wife is a lying ho that all women are not as she is.

i am going through the exact same thing my husband walked out and cleaned out the house while i was away for the weekend and i didnt even know it was happening its only been 2 weeks and every day feels like its getting worst. he has moved in with friends and has denyed my existance and blocked me from every form of contact. he no longer loves or cares me and i am breaking apart. i dont think there is an answer other than we have to wake up get up get through the day and than do it again. i HOPE that eventually this pain wears and we are able to start living again. xxx

35 years together and then wife made lots of silly assumptions after concealing someone else. Basically it is as though a switch is thrown..... You wonder if an alien has taken control of your spouse.... one state to another CLICK! All the answers were on this website and at 4am I felt a sense of relief that finally I could make sense of what was going on. You cannot and will not take any advice or listen to one liners about moving on etc from ANYONE who hasn't had a similar experience

Yes! I just told my therapist yesterday that I wanted to tell my ex exactly how betrayed and sad and hurt I am due to his behavior. My life is turned upside down. But I know it won't make any difference to him. He moved on to his new life before he even left me. If your ex already said you are dramatic then he won't feel any remorse at what he's done to you. My ex said this is best for both of us and he made the decision for both of us. I keep telling myself that a caring person, someone committed would want to work on problems, not walk away from them. You can't turn your feeling off like a light switch - even if they can. But anyone who would could treat another person like that doesn't deserve you. The hurt has to work its way through. Therapy is a must. You will hear that all over this site but by it really helps you cope.

I do understand you very well. May I ask you..why do you want him to feel your pain? What would it change? He might not be able to feel anyone's pain, he might just lacking this feature. Or, even if he can feel for you...what difference does it make? When the man is gone, he is gone, he does not belong to your life anymore. This is very difficult to understand, and hard to accept. Let him go in your mind and in your heart. It is not easy, it will take time and effort you personally make other yourself daily. I do not believe in counseling..waist of money and time.
The only conclusion I've arrived to after numerous heartbreaking relationships, is that we all are free at birth and we do not have a title or ownership rights to other person...even if you are tighten by the marriage agreement, or years of happy relationships. If a man wants his way out..the best idea, is not to resist. He has his ideas of how he wants to lead the life, or with who he desires to share his life. A women does not have this power to change the way he feels and acts. Sooner or latter you will feel he does not belong to you anymore, and you will have other things and people on your mind. Just try to imagine that this time has already began.

I wanted to expand upon kbbcoop77's dumper/dumpee comment.

I AM the dumper. I did not cheat, lie, or steal, I just tried to be the best wife and mom I could be. I spent two extremely lonely years processing the fact that my husband didn't care to invest any time or energy in a relationship with me. I begged, I calmly told him how I felt, being direct and precise. I eventually told him the consequences of continuing to live like we had been (divorce). Not being a big crier, I would find myslef suddenly swept away by despair, and would sink to my knees and cry for a minute or two. I kept looking for a response, some glimmer from him that he heard me and understood my pain and wanted to change things. It never happened. Those two years were the worst in my life, I was in a sad sad fog, I was probably slightly depressed. At year 3, I initiated divorce proceedings.

Now, he's the one who is reeling. He never thought I would leave him, he feels nothing was wrong. Totally discounts those two years when I tried to reach him. Now he's dealing very poorly with the emotional and financial consequences of the end of our marriage.

Am I the bad guy, because I'm feeling positive about the divorce? I see a much brighter future for myself, finally disengaging from a man who has never supported me, but who did his best to ignore and exclude me, unless he needed something from me. He says that I am the bad guy. He sees me as unfeeling, vindictive, unreasonable, breaking apart the family. Trying to drive him to the poor house.

What he cannot see, and never will, is that I've spent so much time already grieving the death of the marriage, and have had those 2+ years to process that I am starting a new chapter of my life without him. I've started moving along in the healing process. I still haven't cheated, lied or stolen from him, but I'm still branded a cheat, liar, and thief. I can't control that he chose to stick his head in the sand and is just now going through the pain of the breakup. I don't rejoice that he is suffering, but I distance myself from it. I ignore his "poor me" mentality. He brought this on himself, he had ample warning and options. I guess I just want an acknowledgement from him about all of it, but that will never happen.

Dumpers may not be exactly as they seem to the casual eye. We just may be in an advanced phase of the breakup.

Jojo we are all in this together, my ex said a lot of the same
things About me that you just said. It was an emotional intimacy
Issue not sexual. He was selfish and would not meet my needs
and it Gets real old so i was not all real cuddly anymore. He
would not Look at his own behaviors as any cause of mine.

He wanted What he wanted just not really willing to give it.
He did maybe The first 10 years, my ex was a dry alcoholic and
I Did not understand the whys until i started alanon. We still
had an Alcoholic marriage regardless and all it entailed.

I try very hard To let him go we had some really good close years
But some really bad years. Neither one of my therapist blamed
me they both told me to get out. He is all happy with his new GF
And we are divorced. He refused to work on us and i was to blame
For all. HUGS

I know what you mean. In a way, I wish my STBX will experience what I have in the future, Someone will deceit her, lie to her, cheat on her, etc. I know it's wrong to think that way, but at the same time she might know what she's done to me.

Thing is, even IF it happened to her, she would be too selfish to think back, and would only think about how much she's hurting. These kinds of people have already justified their behavior in their minds. So, no since wasting negative energy on them. Instead use your thoughts and energy to do/wish something positive for someone else.

Jojoreds scenario is spot on I think in most cases. I think my ex wife processed her leaving for at least 2 years before actually leaving. And yes I was blind to the fact she would actually do it...we did have problems and we were certainly growing further apart...but the only thing that really pisses me off is she DID cheat with our daughters boyfriends father, and she eventually moved in together with him. If it was an honest breakup I could have handled it much better as I did try to be at least friendly with her at the beginning, but it was 7-8 months later when the truth came out and it all kind of came together...that's when it really hurt. So while I appreciate that most relationships do end, it's much wiser to just end them honestly without lying and cheating. 24 years together we NEVER lied to each other or we wouldn't have made it that long...so to be lied to to my face took a lot to get over.