Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi,
I am new to this group and rather than make my friends and family members around me worry (even though I have opened up to all of them with my concerns about our marriage) I thought it would be nice to get some unbiased perspective and some love. I am feeling really lost in my marriage and thoughts of Divorce have been creeping in more and more lately. We have only been married for a few years but my husband can't seem to hold on to any jobs, has started smoking and drinking again and just seems like he can't truly figure out what makes him happy other than his favorite sport activity that he leaves me to do EVERY Day before his work leaving no time for me. I have been going through the same conversations with him for years..WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH..I still love him but this isn't the life I wanted. Any thoughts or words of encouragement would really help.
Thanks,
New User
Do you want possible solutions to your situation? Or do you want understanding?
From home when i was there. I did work a lot
Of hours so did he. At the end he timed it so
He would be going one way and me the other.
He was long checked out and looking to move
on, It was much lonelier with him at home the
last year. He refused to try to connect on any
Level. HUGS
This has been the cornerstone of the troubles in my marriage from day 1, actually from when we were dating. I got stood up more times than I should have tolerated. He'd either not realize he stood me up (or so he said), would make excuses, or would just not say anything in response to me bringing it up. Once he ignored me for an entire week - I thought he wanted to break up. As I was always the one to call, I let it go for a week, then I called him. As it turns out, he was sitting on the couch at home (his mom's home) and watching tv every second he was home from work. Didn't really want a gf, in retrospect, or a wife for that matter. And it's not like I was calling constantly or demanding undivided attention. If you're dating, I think at least every other day to be in phone contact is reasonable (this is before the days of cell phones, mind you).
Sounds like your marriage is not a priority in your H's life. You can let it continue, feeling ignored and miserable (like me - not advisable!), you can give him an ultimatium - spend time with me or else (what that 'or else' is - is up to you to decide), and/or you can insist on marrige counseling. Some people are lazy spouses, if you have one of these, that behavior may never change. He might make small efforts in the beginning, but may revert back to old patterns.
You mentioned drinking, smoking, trouble keeping jobs, and not being present. All of this is an issue now, but what do you see when you look into the future? Do you want children? Is this a marriage that is stable enough to bring children into? I bring this up because issues you have before children are magnified when children are present. Especially the not being around part.
I think you two need to revisit the marriage counselor, and don't stop going till you feel everything is out on the table and honestly addressed by both of you.
What I learned to do is ignore what stbx says (he'll promise the moon), instead watch what he does. Actions speak volumes about a person. Words are cheap and can be meaningless.
Good luck to you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to say how you feel.
Supporting each other's activities and interests are one thing, an addiction is another.
I agree with others that you should work with your MC individually first and then restart joint sessions. I'd think the initial goal of the MC is to recognize the addiction and its affects on the marriage. From there, he''s going to need his own therapist to work through what drives the addiction.
Hang in there!! Hugs to you and kudos for seeking the support you need.
I really appreciate your words! I absolutely think that I need to go talk to someone separately and then we need joint counseling as well . Thanks for the love ❤️ support and advice!