I think you ought to consider divorce more strongly than you are currently.

You do your husband or yourself no favors by sticking around when you do not want him as a husband. If all you want out of being with him is the material comforts he will be offended by that once he knows of it.

Living the truth of your life is a better strategy. I recommend that you have that hard conversation with your husband and let him decide what his fate is to be given the facts that to this point he is likely unaware.

It's a bit unfair to hold all the cards.

Surprisingly very little people realize that the studies show that if children are going to have to endure their parent's divorce it is better on them the younger they are. Look at the studies and maybe you will feel better. I think anyone who was once in your situation can tell you in all reality it won't be able to last without the feelings being there.

Take care.

Sit down and talk to your husband. Go for counseling if you both feel there is something to save. Marriage has it's ups and downs and that's marriage. Too many people are ready to walk away and think the grass is greener. Make a list of the good and bad both of you then discuss it. I've been divorced 9 years, and still single, dating long term but everyone has faults and you just need to realize that. You don't drop your childhood friends, you talk and work it out because you appreciate the friendship right? Or maybe you don't. Good luck

I am in a similar situation. I don't have much advice for you because I haven't figured out how to work my own crap out either :) but I'm proud of you for being honest about where you are. It doesn't feel good to be the instigator in this situation, I know that for a fact.

it saddens me how people often jump to talk of divorce rather than learning new perspectives and knowing you've giving it your all. All long term relationships go through stages of falling in and out of love. the time is now to look for support, unless of course you're done and done all youths to do. Sparks can reignite

My husband left me. The decline started with a long term emotional affair.

So here is the terrible thing about emotional affairs --- while they may have started because your marriage was missing something, while you are in it (or open to it), you worsen the marriage bond making it next to impossible to fix. It is a vicious cycle that can only end in alienation (if not an out-and-out physical affair). There is also this seductive, fantasy, component. Normal like is good, bad, and boring sometimes... but, if there is a tendency to thing "We'll, my "friend" understands me" and to run to them for support and comfort, you aren't actually communicating what you need to to your husband. Rob him of the chance to be that for you.

You will never be able to connect with your husband if you are open to having that "connection" filled outside the marriage.

So, here's your choice. You either decide you are going to go all out on your marriage - make it (and him) the centre. Or, you admit to yourself and him that you aren't willing to do that and start discussig what that means for the future.

Divorce is painful. More painful than you can imagine right now. I would have done anything to save my marriage and wish that my ex-h would have come to me early. By the time it came to ahead, it was too late. Since he wasn't willing to leave his fantasy world, I wish to God he had left sooner. I was in limbo for 4 years. As someone mentioned above, would have been much easier if the kids had been 4 years younger.