Alright, so what I read was that your children are part of the divorce conversation and I assume then that it is not too contentious if you can have an open dialogue like that. If you are putting off your divorce I would take the opportunity to get your education completed to give you a leg up when that day comes.
If you don't have an attorney I would start talking with one as soon as possible. The state you live in will have an influence over whether you receive alimony, but if it is an alimony state and given the length of the marriage, you are probably looking at indefinite alimony.

I left with only a small suitcase. It is scary but remember that starting out small and building up on your own is Independence. Can you be happy with a little? I guess it comes down to what is more important to you. I know for me being away is.

I've been told that the best way to overcome fear is to confront it. I believe you will move on successfully because you are a very smart young woman.

Thanks all. I don't mind giving up the luxuries in exchange for happiness at all. I just worry about basic survival without a great job and I can't afford to go back to school under these circumstances

sounds like you have 2 years to complete a course of study and join the marketplace for a new and better paying job....

can't afford school... If you are "officially separated" and file head of household tax status, you are probably eligible for financial aid, scholarships and other assistance.

And if your husband is agreeable to postponing divorce until after daughter graduates, would he not also be agreeable to help with the cost of school for you?

I feel so badly for you, but is it really in anyone's best interest to stay in the marriage? My leaving my ex was hugely influenced by how I felt my children would respond to divorce, but I didn't let them have any part of the decision making process. Divorce was never verbalized until I sat them down with my unresponsive ex in the living room and told them we were divorcing. That being said, I spent 8 very unhappy years, trying to wait till my youngest graduated high school. I didn't make it that far, the dysfunction became too much for my soul to bare. I think my kids are in a better place now, I know I am. I regret waiting so long. Yes, a 14 year old will be affected by what happens, but you can't stay because you daughter asks you. That's giving a child way too much power over adult issues.


Know that the financial goals of divorce, as stated by the courts, are that each party maintains a post-divorce standard of living as close to their current lifestyle as possible. At the conclusion of my divorce, the judge asked each of us if we thought we would be able to maintain the same standard of living post-divorce as we had had while married. That really is a laughable question, but we both had to answer "yes". The point to this is, if you're in a nice town, driving a nice car, have a nice house - you won't wind up with $100 a month alimony and child support, buying your grocery with food stamps, having to get insurance for your kids on the open market, renting a flop house. Your ex will have to share his comfy income with you and the kids. I would suggest you start toward your degree pronto - take a summer class or two, then go full strength over the fall and take a full course load. Depending upon your state, alimony may be short lived, or longer lived.

I'm with jojored - staying in it for the child is inviting disaster. And they know about it! So if things go south, they have every reason to feel partially responsible for any ensuing misery. Divorce certainly affects them... but they cannot be part of the decision-making. That is for you and your husband, the grown ups.

That being said, it is all terrible. So, pick your poison.

I too was terrified I would be broke. My lawyer (a very savy, funny, lady) told me "Every woman I work with thinks she's going to be a bag lady. Doesn't matter if she makes $ 0, $20k, $100k, $1 million. They all believe they will be on the streets. They aren't and neither will you be." She was right. It will be an adjustment, but you can do it. In my case, I have to pay spousal support to my ex who was a stay-at-home dad. We were just breaking even. Seemed impossible that I could hand over a sizeable chunk of my salary and still manage. But, I do.

And you will do it too. I am sure of it.

Start positioning yourself now!

Good luck!!

Hello, I swear that you and I are in the exact same boat, only I have no schooling to fall back on, as i am disabled, But I have looked up alimony, and found that after being married for as long as we have (16yrs), I am able to get a good amount of alimony. I'm not sure if I can get child support too, but i am still looking into it. Here's the issue, my husband has no clue that I am feeling this way. I have been too afraid to tell him that I'm done, that I can't take it anymore. We are so distant, no more connection with in us anymore. The one thing that is holding me back is that my 14 year old will be devastated. I know this for a fact, so I am feeling like you.....do we play house until he's out of school, or do i just take the plunge and get on with my life? I want to take that plunge, but i don't want to hurt my son either. his older brother wouldn't be as effected by it, I know this, because he's not that close to his dad, he's more like a mama's boy. So I know he'd be ok, well, as ok as a child of divorce can be. I just can't get myself to say those magic words to my husband, "we need to talk, I'm done here. i want out." How did you do it? I need answers, I need support, I have no one I can go to for this. I'm going thorugh these emotions all on my own right now and it's killing me.