I wonder the same because I believe that everything has a solution except for abuse and death. People grow out of their marriages and leave when the colour is gone instead of rediscovering the growth if they are growing apart. I am a forever type of gal.

i think someone can fall out of love if they dont feel loved by the other person. love is a feeling, so although you 'commit' and 'promise' it's hard to control who you do and don't fall in love with. This is a tough one to explain.....

it is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes love just isn't enough. sometimes people aren't compatable.

i know that i will ALWAYS love the two men i was in long term relationships with.. but loving them always isn't enough.
things change

people change.. evolve.. grow.. priorities change. you can't expect things to stay in the same perfect box. that you were in 10 years ago. you have kids, and stresses of adult life, etc etc.

rather then getting stalled debating why someone doesn't "love" you anymore (which i am sure she still does) then perhaps you should look at if YOU ARE HAPPY IN YOUR CURRENT SITUATION with the dynamics as they are. i don't know if you can answer yes to that. getting over the pain and resentment is big.. but once you are able to overcome this then perhaps you can actually find a lifestyle that makes YOU HAPPY.. but if the continued obsession (for lack of a better term) of is she loves you , or why or how.. then you won't be able to move forward.

hugs t

a great question, rman. i have often wondered the same thing. i have concluded that most people who claim this merely do not understand that they are now in the second phase of romantic love and have no clue on how to proceed. therefore, they ditch the relationship and get a new one because they really like the first phase of a relationship. they will keep repeating this scenario until they wise up and realize that sooner or later, they will have to embrace the second phase with someone.

That is how its supposed to be Rman.But unfortunatley its not always the case.People change and/or evovle.

I consider this a load of crap. If you make a promise to someone, then you should stick with your promise...period. For better, or worse, rich or poor...blah, fucking blah...

also, i think that some people just don't WANT to love that other person any more. they decide that it is now about themselves and throw the rules out the window and go do whatever they damn well want to do and rationalize their behavior as falling out of love.

most people think of love as a feeling. but, feelings are not reliable. they can easily change. therefore, a person has to define love in more practical, doable terms. if we get to know ourselves and get very good at loving ourselves and standing for something then i think it is much easier to love and honor a mate. but, often times we mate to find another half instead of another whole.

It was laziness on my husband's part. He would rather chase the ex girlfriend, from years ago, rather then work on us.
It makes my heart hurt when he says he doesn't love me anymore. Then in the next conversation he says, "i love you but not that way and need time to think about us"
But...i haven't talked to him in several days now. Boy this no contact sucks. then again, i don't have to hear the above either.

Goes with the "I love you but I'm not in love with you." I think it really means, "I don't get that giddy feeling when I'm around you and I miss that."

blame it on our permissive culture, rman. this is a free-wheelin' one that we have. anything goes.

I agree Rman but faithful makes a good point.Some people like the buzz of a new realtionship.When thats goes into a normal phase of love they dont want it/or fall out of love and start looking else where.It stinks and its wrong.

the people who tend to say that are the ones who look outside themselves for happiness. They believe it takes a mate to make one happy

I get that people evolve but, it is often used as an excuse. I get the changes and that the honeymoon period ends but, when you are running out of that steam, it is devotion from that point. To be devoted to allow that growth and to continue to explore and get to know your mate. There are couple's retreats for this. My sister has been married for 35 years and she and her husband still hold hands and whenever they are growing apart, they don't cop out, they explore and rekindle. Evolution is inevitable but we are humans and not animals that grow an extra organ or stuff. I agree with Rman.

Why do I have to pay rent when I sign a lease? Why do I have to pay back credit card debt when I charge items? Because I agreed to the terms. Don't get married if you aren't gong to agree to the fucking terms...Perhaps their should be stiffer penalties for people who choose to end the marriage. Then, people might think twice before committing the rest of their lives to a person, only to change their mind later?

yes! in a perfect world yes!

the TRUTH of the matter is that people are arrested for Credit Card fraud everyday. they break their lease and have to get evicted.

your wife doesn't feel the same anymore and maybe you don't either? or maybe you do.

regardless... what are you going to do to cope and manage these changes in a healthy way? are you going to sink or swim?