Feel your grief, but know that her rejection of you was not about you--it was about her. Some of us take our marriage vows and mean them, some don't.

You can win this battle. Working out helps my mood immensely, and so do coffee and protein and the more-than-occasional glass of red wine.

I have been going through the breakup of my marriage for seven years.

I don't want to diminish your feelings by any means...but there is hope. You have to find it.

Sweet dreams.

Thanks B,

I often said in the begin that I had suffered a terrible emotional fracture.....the more I try and walk on it the more it hurts. And I agree the occasional glass of wine does help.

Don't minimize your grief. Heartbreak is not silly. I read on these posts of people that two or three months into it are already healing and feeling better. It makes me feel weak because I'm at a year and a half after my divorce and still struggling with it daily. The amount of hurt we have is proportional to the capacity of love we have to give. I'm not going to fill you with all the books advice ( I think I have read them all ), tell you it will take time, or (my favorite) "it's time to move on, get over it, you are better off without her". Nope, it just plain sucks and no one has the magic words to make it all better. Just know that are millions just like us, the walking broken. Now, I just look up for strength and guidance. We are never alone.

TML, i'm no shrink but i want you to try something new:

after my first divorce which really tore me up in 1981, the experience changed me. i now had a creative side that had to be honored emotionally like you do now that you are divorced too.

buy a cheap guitar, a harmonica, or something and just play it to let your feelings out more. buy some materials and paint some acrylic pictures. sing some songs along with your stereo while alone. do these types of things now in addition to the things that you used to do.

the object is to honor our feelings and let them out. many of us men don't realize the width of our emotional side until we go through something like this. deep inside, all men have a very extensive creative side that doesn't surface until something drastic like a divorce forces it to the surface.

ever since 1981 and my painful divorce back then, my life has been greatly enriched by lots and lots of creative things. yours will too when you release that side of you to express itself. :)

I am sorry you are hurting my sweet friend.

I don't think what you are feeling is silly - I think its important to feel how you feel and allow yourself to move through it - that takes a lot of courage. A lot of people don't allow themselves to feel those feelings - and as a wise person once told me, if you don't feel them and move through them they just come back into your life in another form.

In my opinion, if you were losing the battle you wouldn't have had the courage to post here. I remember the early days for you - and you have come leaps and bounds since then. I do feel like progress is being made.

I like what verne said - about the creative side. I also think that maybe - if you aren't already - calling the counselor you were with and talking with them again would be a good idea. To help take more of the edge off. I mean no offense by that - I think a third party that isn't involved in the situation may offer different perspectives that you may not see - perhaps put the puzzle pieces back into place. What do you think?

Divorce isn't for the faint of heart. It reshapes your horizon. It forces you to create a new foundation and build up. You have been doing that - even if you don't see it.

You know how I feel about you - and I am sorry you are dealing with this pain and grief. If there is anything I can do to help make the load lighter please let me know. Sending lots of love and hugs your way - and some peace too. Go easy on yourself.

maybe you are still grieving because you are still blaming yourself. I think its important to figure out the real source of the grief because people can say...."its the death of a marriage" but this is intertwined with all the reasons you feel like your marriage died and you have to heal that part and the only way to do that is aknowledge what part you feel you played and forgive yourself for it so you are able to enjoy all the creative outlets that will benefit you tremendously.

how you doing today?

I'm doing Ok, Joy.

Oh wait, you are talking to TML.

So yeh, hey man, how you doin' today?

Some hurts can last a lifetime whether we want them to or not. Grief doesn't have time limits. And there is nothing "silly" about you feeling this way- they are legitimate whether family and friends like it or not.

You still have grieving to do, and that's OK. It doesn't end on a specific date. Good luck to yu.

Echoing many others here, grief doesn't have a time table.

I wish, back when I separated and then divorced, someone could have given me the manual on it. The step-by-step procedure on how to feel, what to worry about and what not to, how to take care of me, my son, my job, home, and everything in between. I stood there, stuck. Momentarily, I thought, "What the hell just happened?"

Over time, it's gotten better. I don't grieve for my marriage or us as a couple. I no longer resent why we divorced, but more came to an understanding, logically, of what was happening.

I can't remember the exact minute it came together, but I know it did. It will for you, too. There is no time table. Some people move right on...some take months, some years. It's part of what makes us unique.

My biggest recommendation is to not be alone all the time. I don't mean not dating, I mean being alone is great sometimes, but there is a difference between lonely and alone.

You have a good head on your shoulders. You will make it, in whatever time table you're heart is working on.

Yep -- everyone is an individual. Just because someone moves on -- or appears to move on -- quickly, doesn't mean that everyone can, or should. And I say appears, because how many people who seem to bounce back are just burying their feelings and not really healing?
You're feeling your feelings and being true to yourself. Don't beat yourself up for that.
Like others have said--maybe try some new things...???... you might have that little spark in you, just waiting to be found by painting, singing, guitar-playing, archery, crochet... who knows?
Just be you, and accept you, and accept that you are doing your thing and don't judge yourself by others.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TML))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you all for your kind words.....I hire a great lead person with whom I can trust to run the business, I may take a month and go back to Ontario to be with my siblings.

I spoke to my sister today about this....I'm not embarrass about this at all.....but I can't speak to anyone about this. She was shocked to hear that I still grieve over my loss.....and the pain I feel.
I need time to, "decompress" and regroup. The good news is that I do have options.

wha sort of optins do you have for soothing yyourself?

What is your personal life like? I mean, do you even have one? If all you do is work, eat, sleep, then one cannot help but think on things that didn't go as planned.

A mini sabbatical would do you good

maybe you are experiencing mild burnout after dealing with a stressful home life and stressful work life. read up on the symptoms of burnout.

this might be a good time to re-evaluate your career and life dreams. a lot of people after divorces drop their careers for brand new ones.