Just admit to yourself that this relationship is over and there is nothing there to fight for. Try and find someone that is in tune with you and see how things go. You sound like a nice person and you shouldn't have any problems meeting someone new.

It's kind of crazy that you need the person who's done all the messed up shit to be the voice of reason. I'm suspecting there is absolutely no bottom for you, so he's calling game, set and match.

You are getting a get out of jail free card. I'd take it and run.

@ScorpionNM. I am trying to admit that to myself but it’s really hard especially when we have a child involved and just last week we seemed happy and better than ever. So while I am trying to accept that it’s over, it’s iust hard . That’s why I’m trying to get help

@Gutted I’m not wanting him to be the voice of reason but I want to understand where we went wrong or why our relationship of 12 years ended! When you have no clue as to what the reason is it eats you up and doesn’t allow you to think of nothing but why? And the stuff that happened was so long ago that it shouldn’t have been an issue now but yeah maybe you are right ... I’ve allowed too much

I guess I'm a bit confused how you say in your beginning thread that

"We have been through some rough shit within this time but somehow we always ended up back together. Last week he told me that he didn’t want to be together anymore because he’s burnt up! Meaning he feels he has done so much bad there is no coming back! And I admit he has done some messed up things but throughout it all I forgave him"

but then to Gutted you say you have no idea what went wrong or where you went wrong...the 2 do not match up. When people do messed up things, they can't always just file them away and move on, especially if they do things repeatedly. Keeping a relationship alive just because you have a child is not always a good enough reason, actually it's never a good reason. Children are very smart and very intuitive, they figure it out when parents aren't happy and when things aren't right at home and it doesn't do them any good in their day to day life, it tends to have the opposite affect.

I was married to my High School boyfriend for 25 years, a total of 27 years together, when I divorced him. I have 2 wonderful sons from that relationship that not for 1 second ever do I regret. But people change over time, people do bad things and forgiving someone over and over is not always enough. Staying together for the sake of "the time you have invested" is not a good enough reason. Everyone deserves to be happy on their own, as a person, singularly and individual of their relationship, and if you can't be that, if you're stuck in a relationship where you can't really say you're happy with yourself or happy enough together, what does that leave you?

It sounds like your husband realized that the 2 of you weren't enough together. So now you can take this opportunity to work on you, and learn to be happy with yourself and your son and enjoy that life. Believe it or not, and I hope in time you do, that can be a very rewarding and satisfying life.

Take care,
Kat

Yeah I realize that we are over, so I’m making changes in my life but also losing someone you love (especially because he was my first love and first everything) isn’t as easy to get over as 1,2,3, but I’m on here to start that journey with the help of others because I don’t know how to. I’m starting a new job soon and we already separated so I feel like the hardest part is over but at night and when I’m alone it feels as if it’s starting all over again and the pain is hits harder than ever, especially because a week ago we were planning our future! I do realize that if he could change his feelings so fast than that’s not somewhere that I should want to be anyways, but I appreciate your advice and your view. I sincerely appreciate it

I hear ya, mine was too, first serious boyfriend, first serious everything and since we have children together, as do you and your husband, you always have a connection together, that somehow has to be navigated.....that gets figured out over time.

Your new job will help you put your head into something time consuming and new, and you have your son to put your time into as well. So you've got a good foothold on the beginning, you're going in the right direction. But as you said, nights are harder, might I suggest Journaling or a self-awareness study, or a bible study if that's your thing, the point is, evenings can be used positively in a way that helps you kind of get back in touch with you and who you are, who you've become, and how you work as an individual. Its just something else to do as opposed to sitting around each night re-thinking every decision you made, every mistake you think you made, every reason he gave, all the stuff that went into 12 years and all the stuff that went into ending it. Its a way to ward off Depression over the split and keep yourself in a more Positive light....and you can also re-discover who you are at this point. You've never been a single person of this age...time to learn.

Hang in and take care, you'll come through this stronger.

Kat

OlderCPer
Kay thanks so much for the advice, I have began to read the Bible and I will soon began journaling again as a release. I will take it day by day and I’m sure I will be overtime but I appreciate the kind but needed words and advice through this difficult time in my life.

I’m going through the same thing it has been 6 months since we broke up and he left saying there was no one else but a month later he has a girlfriend and I find out by my kids because they are spending time with her. But they say ppl treat us how we allow them which means to prevent this we do need to re-evaluate ourselves and hopefully don’t recreatw the same mistakes. I pretty much got to this point tryna suck it up for my kids and be strong for them specially since my daughter grades have gone down. But I did a social media cleanse,read the Bible, pray, and talk with friends. I have my days and/or weeks. But we will get there just takes time.