I am sorry for your trauma

Sounds like you need your lawyer more actively representing you

I too was diagnosed with PTSD

When the things I dealt with in the marriage (and still struggle with my ex with) is financial abuse. When the kids and I left, we had nothing, no food, no clothes. Lawyers are crazy expensive! I saved my pennies until I could afford the retainer, and I finally have one now, but it was really hard living without that for so long. Like, he just does whatever he wants and I have no options because he has all the power and all the money.

Do you want to tell me about your PTSD, or is it still too tough?

Hello, message me you can talk to me anytime you feel you need someone to talk to

What you are dealing with is called ABUSE ! It is also control through abuse , which is the #1 thing abusers want. I lived this life and still do with an abusive Ex-wife and I have PTSD from it.

The first thing you need to do is get a lawyer to put a restraining order against him if he dosent stop doing this behavior on his own . The second thing you need to do is have the lawyer rush a court order for child support and posible alimony. That will help with the bills.

Is your name on the house ? If not then he can TRY to have you evicted , but that will cost lots of money and take lots of time. I dont know what state you live in so I cant tell you the legal end of things, but your lawyer will know right away and should be able to get help for everything you have listed.

I am so sorry you have to go through this! :(

You're not divorced and are still in the house. He can try to evict you but its going to be very hard for him to do that. You need to get your Atty working for you. Save all those hateful emails; they will probably help you in court.

Your h or stbx is a bulky. You can't run scared from a man like that. You can get alimony and emergency CS until you get your divorce. You will get child support and probably alimony after your divorce.

I know money is short but you also need to be seeing a therapist. If you don't have one check with your local county mental health. They usually see people on a sliding scale according to what they can pay.

As far as you all eating. Go to food banks if you need to. Cook dried beans and only have meat once or twice a week. Veggies can go a long way to feeding a family. You must get to your Atty and file for your divorce or the bully will be controlling your life forever. You can do this.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this, especially because your parents support him. There is a great group here on DS that you might want to check out. It's the physical & emotional abuse group.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group

There are a lot of wise and caring people there who are going, or have been, through what you're going through now.

I second trisha's suggestion about seeing a therapist. It is crucial that you and your child get help from a QUALIFIED therapist who understands the dynamics of abuse and specializes in recovery from trauma & PTSD. Please go to the link below. If you look at reply # 5, it describes in detail what to look for in a therapist and it gives suggested questions to ask when interviewing a therapist. http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/20246893-my-therapist-doesnt-get

You also might want to contact your local women's shelter. They should be able to help you stay safe. They may even offer some sort of free counseling. HOWEVER, do not use the free counseling to replace getting therapy with a qualified therapist. You AND your child(ren) need to get into therapy asap. There is a lot of research that points to children who just witness abuse having PTSD. AND, abuse/trauma can and does cause the hippocampus part of the brain to shrink in both children and adults. This is the part of the brain that plays a role in PTSD.

Whatever you do, do NOT tell your stbx you're going to therapy or that you're talking w/people at the shelter. Don't give him ANY information other than what is legally necessary.

Abusers, even ones who haven't YET become violent, will ramp up when they feel threatened. And you've already experienced this. Leaving or being in the process of leaving is the most dangerous time. It is often the time a previously non-violent abuser turns violent.

Please stay SAFE and take good care of you!

I also am diagnosed with PTSD as well as depression and severe anxiety, as I go through my horrific divorce from my 6' 4", 240lb STBX.

Now for me, he never physically struck me but he intimidated, bullied, yelled, used his size, manipulated and also emotionally and sexually abused me. And yes....its the phone calls, and emails that are so scary. I too, am very afraid!

I am also disabled and struggling with the expenses of the lawyers as well as just basic living expenses.

And what you said about "when he gets angry like this I get panicky"? This is so how I feel too. It goes to the core of our being.

I have gotten the courts involved and they ordered that he may only contact me via email and text. I know this is still terrifying, but it is better then in person or over a phone call. I mean, I do still get sick to my stomach when ever I get a message from him, but at least it isnt as bad as direct contact. But from what I am reading from you...the courts are failing you. And I worry that the police may fail you as well. In fact, it would probably make things worse....and for this i am sorry. As I have also found it is hard to get help and no one seems to believe how bad it really is.

But one thing I AM sure of is that you need to get yourself into therapy and quick!! The chances that this is more then just PTSD is remote as I strongly suspect you are also dealing with depression and anxiety as well.

As for you family...shame on them!!! How dare they not support you during this catastrophic time. For this, I am truly sorry.

You all are amazing! What a great place. It is incredible to be able to talk about what happened and have people really understand and be so compassionate. I haven't found that in all the years I have been dealing with this! I seriously have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much, everyone who took the time to respond. You've got no idea what it means to me.

I'm hesitant to share details about what he did when we were together, because I don't want him finding me online. I will say that his abuse of me was sexual. emotional, and financial, and he abused the children physically. He would use the abuse of the kids to harm me emotionally. For example, if he was angry at me, he wouldn't hit me (it was important to him that he could say he never hit a woman) but then he would choke or punch the baby. So I learned very quickly not to make him angry.

Some people get it, some don't. I guess people who have been through it. But other people don't understand why I will get an email from him that says something like 'you're gonna pay for that' and freak out for days. They say, 'It's just an email, so what, blow him off.' But I lay awake all night expecting a gun in my face any minute. So some friends are great, but sometimes I don't want to keep bothering all of them or talking to the ones who don't get it.

I do have a fantastic therapist that I really like. She's worked with domestic violence cases for several years and has really helped me. But she's on spring break vacation for two weeks, right when my ex decided to start threatening us again! So I do have a great resource, just not right at the moment.

My next legal appointment is on the 6th. I can't wait to be done with everything!

Please feel free to keep sharing your own stories and just chatting. It really helps me feel less alone.

Hi, I just saw your post and the responses. Ex did similar to me; i finally "got it" but apparently my attorney never did and that led to more problems for me and our children. For some reason, it doesn't matter to these types WHAT the law or the Court orders, they get angry at you (or me). In other words, it is somehow "my" fault (or yours) that the law "is what it is". You only "benefit" by giving them what they demand, and of course (as you likely know). Please make sure the attorney you have realizes the mind set so you don't get set up for more problems down the road. I know there are some very good articles on financial and legal abuse. One site you can check is csaj.org, another is mincava.umn.edu.

There is also a good site by an attorney/social worker whose programs are often used in Court: Bill Eddy; highconflictinstitute.com He has a book that you can often find in the library; there is a section you can copy to give to attorney and others who might not "believe" you.

I have PTSD, too, and got it DIRECTLY after three months of terrorization by him and his family members years ago (the first time he filed divorce). Funny, cause I was misdiagnosed FOR YEARS and none of the "professionals" put 2 and 2 together. Good news is ... that PTSD is a recoverable INJURY. It was when I realized I NEVER had any mental health issues before we'd been married or even during, til he started his "stuff" that I became "ill".

If your PTSD has anything to do with your "relationship", make sure your attorney is aware of where your INJURY came from ... many times, the other side will try to use mental health against you. It is a lot harder to do when you are aware that THEY CAUSED IT or exacerbated it, and especially when you are proactive in taking steps to get appropriate treatment.

I encourage you to contact the DV agency, but be wary. I was more or less sent to stay there years ago; hew had the children and I NEVER heard a word or was given ANY information regarding my rights or what I could do to regain custody or ANY of my assets (being kept from me). There are some things they might be helpful in regard to, but this past divorce I was very proactive in my own behalf and even contacted the state agency. The local person helped me a couple times when I needed a ride, but I have a very jaundiced view of the DV industry, after this last round .... and having been a DV/sexual assault advocate a couple years myself. Agencies in some areas might be better, so please don't take this as indictment of the whole. Just be careful, as one therapist told me and most advocacy literature attests, "you are an expert on yourself" and YOU are likely more of an expert in terms of what you need and what the abuser is and is like.

Just thought of one more great site justicewomen.com/

Since you have children and there are already reports to CPS, you might want to go there. Even though the site is geared to California, the concepts are similar and they explain how the system often responds in divorce when there are criminal convictions/charges or concerns regarding children. The articles there might be very helpful to you/your attorney in forming strategy.

Finally, if you are legally allowed to tape in your state (google) then if you must have any contact with him for the moment, get a phone or inexpensive recorder and give your attorney a sample of what occurs. Mine was able to get protective order after hearing the screaming fits and threats my children and I were subjected to. If that is not legally permissible, ask your attorney for legal ADVICE on how to document threats and other actions as a basis for legal action (and protection).

Hugs and don't give up! I hope your meeting goes well. I know things likely feel overwhelming at the moment, but can and often do get better. The PTSD and nightmares suck, just remember it's a NORMAL response to abnormal circumstances (intimate trauma/violation is more likely to lead to PTSD because of the personal targeting).

You are welcome to message me too; I hope to be on more (I was thrown out of house after fraud last summer and have had six months of getting bearings back and survival) now as I made it through the winter and things are beginning to be more positive (and this has been the third and FINAL round ... thank God I know what I now know and our children are grown and not around him/his relatives - my main concern during this last round).

Thank you for a very informative reply!

I do have that book by Eddy - 'Splitting' - and it has been my lifeline during this process. I have read it cover to cover 3 times now and given copies to 2 friends.

I am still waiting on my first meeting with my lawyer, which happens on Monday. So far she seems great and was suggested by my therapist, they have worked together on DV cases before, so I am hopeful. But you are correct that you just never know.

When I first got out, I went to a DV support / shelter in my area and they helped me file my restraining order. It was not a good experience. Nothing against these groups, I think they do amazing work, but many errors were made in my case that I would have prevented had I been doing it myself, plus the mere fact that an advocate came to court with me flipped my ex's lid. He ranted and raved about how I had been brainwashed by man-haters, it really set him off. If I had to do it over again, I would just avoid that drama.

I just wanted to add that I too suffer with severe anxiety and depression
PTSD has lasting effects that I continue to work on and seek further support to get through this

Things do get better, and by baby steps
but it does take along time to get through this process including Grief

Thankfully so many of us can relate and share and offer peer support to each other

It is a rotten club we belong to...full of wonderful people

Thank goodness for a community, right? And good therapy!