Hi Diane, That's terrible! Why would your family side with this jerk? Is this an ex husband? Were they always close to him??

I'm sorry they are not taking your side. That does sound like a bizarre incident that you had nothing to do with so why are they even saying it was you!

If anything like that happens again, and I sure hope it doesn't, offer to call the police to report this. The cops will figure out you had nothing to do with this. Cops are good at figuring this kind of stuff out, so that would clear your name.

Ugh!!

Hi Diane. So sorry you're going through this. This reminds me so much of an ex who was very smooth. He had a way of getting what he wanted and being covertly aggressive all the while painting himself as the victim.

why does your family take his side? Well, he got there first with his story. He's smooth and he lied, but they don't know that. Don't take this as disloyalty from your family, because they don't mean it that way. He is using a well-known psychological fact that the first person to speak up is usually believed more than the second person. You know the saying, "the best defense is a good offense." the proof that they care about you is in the fact that they're willing to pay him to keep you out of trouble. Even though he doesn't deserve to be paid because you haven't done anything.

He probably specializes in gray areas and feels very comfortable dealing with things that can be implied or stated and damaging to another person but are next to impossible to either prove or disprove.. People like this are really great at reading situations and determining what another person wants or needs.

Smooth is just one name we have for people like that. I won't list the other ones cuz they're not always very nice. Sometimes these people like to think of themselves as players. They live very disingenuously. They see other people as objects, pawns in a game. And not to feel sorry for him, but often these people develop these skills because they've been hurt or taken advantage of themselves, it's not really a true way of living either.

I wouldn't contact him directly ever again. I would remind your mom of all the stuff that he's done, and explain that he's lying, and then she can do whatever she wants with respect to painting or not paying him.

P.S. I have a little less confidence in cops than the person who responded before me. So I would say now is a really good time to strengthen your support network, the people who are on your side. Try and get as many facts as you can from your mom. And try and find out when he says this supposedly occurred. And, see if you know anyone who can truthfully say that you were someplace else doing something else at that time. whatever happens, do not lie to anyone who is in a an official position like police officer. the good news is, that he probably hasn't actually filed a report and probably won't, because people like this tend to operate in gray areas where they can make your mom believe there's some threat to you, but if they have to go up against someone official like a police officer they will be more hesitant to do it.

Hugs, good luck, thoughts and prayers for safety and success.

Thanks guys. They weren't close w my x at all. But my mother seems to be so sympathetic to him. It amazes me. I called a lawyer today for advice on this. And he told me to just say nothing. If cops come to try to talk w me to say speak to my lawyer and nothing else. I just wish he would leave me alone. He has already done enough to me. Why can't he just go away? He's a naraccist. Always has been. I am trying to just press forward

You have been broken up completely, for 2 weeks, is that what you meant?

I am guessing he is not over you, and this was a way to get your attention, and to "get back at you" for leaving him... even though he did things that made you leave him. After all, his little stunt got you to call him, right? He wants/needs the attention.

Best thing to do is go No Contact. Stay away. Eventually he will move on.

Go about your life. If something like this comes up again, you might have to get a restraining order against him. But hopefully he will just go away.

Ugh, sorry you are dealing with this! Live your life, move on, do your thing.

I was going to post that you are innocent until proven guilty, then I saw you already spoke to a lawyer and got great advice. Good for you! Perhaps your ex made up a story to extort money and there was never a police report filed. I hope he does not get any money out of your mother. It is probably best to keep your distance from her for now, as much as it hurts. People have to learn the hard way. If he swindled her out of money, perhaps that will open her eyes that she should have taken your side. I don't know your whole story but I hope you have a therapist to talk to. Good luck.

Oh man that is insane. I’m going to respectfully disagree with Beryl. This is your family, your mother, not some random stranger. Unless you have a history of doing stuff like that, I don’t care how much sooner he talked to them first. Family supports family. I definitely would take this as misloyalty from the family.

As everyone including your lawyer says, you need to go no contact with your ex forever. Cut him out of your life.
And I’d definitely think long and hard about doing something similar with your mother. Her behavior is absolutely unacceptable—terrible enough that I wonder if her and perhaps other family members are toxic.

Please see a therapist to help you sort all of this out.