Yah, Dr. Phil (Dr. Sleeping Pill) says the same thing... but to predict the future on based on someone's past... those people really have to be mindless drones that border on insanity. Here's why:

A. They have learned absolutely nothing from past experiences.
B. Insanity means repeating the same actions over and over again, and expecting a different result.

*looks up @ TD*

Hey thats my line...lol

I wouldn't choose to believe and be with a drug addict, an abuser or a cheater because I just don't want to lose anymore time on bad investments. That's not to say addicts, abusers and cheaters cant grow up and change, because many of them do. I'm just saying, they can do that on someone else's time and dime, not mine.

That's the choice and the thinking I get to make, because that's how I learned MY lessons from having been betrayed. I no longer accept apologies from those kinds and hold my breath hoping their promises of change are real. I know the odds are not in their or my favour when I do that.

The addict, abuser and cheater and those they betray all get to face and make good use of the consequences of our choices.

That's the beauty of this kind of question. What do we think? How have our experiences shaped our thoughts and hopefully, future choices?

I agree with LAC... in most scenarios you find the cheater repeating the pattern and trust is hard to mend.

Different from the drug addicted, the abuser, the murderer, the cheater falls in different offense bucket. Yet, in a relationship, when he had already done this a few times and broke the partner's heart, chances are that they will repeat again and it is up to the spouse or the partner who was betrayed to make the call to what is best in terms of the future for them.

There are exceptions but indeed very rare.

good chat!

My father cheated. He spent the next 30+ years making amends and not repeating his past transgressions. Sad to pile him up in the dumpster. He is a good man and sacrificed so much for us....those sacrifices I have not shared on DS.

My ex...cheated on his ex, cheated on me and he realizes that he will never be satisfied being with one. He can go to the dumpster.

Two extremes and how can we judge? We can only make healthy choices. One shoe does not fit all.

If anyone fucks with my daddy...well, fuck off. (I heart him)

Hi,
This is a tough one. I've never cheated on my ex. I've had chances and have not regretted it.
I think you're asking if you can trust him again. I don't know the answer to that- only you do.

How about emotional cheating? Who has? Who would consider that just as bad as cheating in the flesh? What about one person tells another that they love them over the phone and letter/texts...is that cheating? Should they go in the dumpster?

How about those that date while separated and are seeing someone? Is that cheating although the law says that they are still married? Do they go in the dumpster?

How about if one sleeps with another woman's husband/boyfriend/fiancee and has not problem with hit because it's basically 'his and his wife/girlfriend/fiancee's' problem? Do they go in the dumpster?

I comes down to the same...you must choose healthy....

I consider the lessons, the remorse, the effort, the history.


*jumps off the soapbox* *back to the porkchop*

Once a cheater, always a cheater is not a true statement...

There are many things to look at.

1. why did they cheat?
- this is the single definitive question as to will they cheat again.

2. what form of remorse did they feel about cheating?

3. what did they do to rebuild trust after the "1st" incident?

4. what did you do after the "1st" admission of infidelity?

5. what steps are they taking to make sure they will never cheat again?


Trust is shattered after infidelity. It can be rebuilt. Over 60-80% of all marriages will experience infidelity. Half that survive this will go on to become stronger marriages. The other half will experience pain, continued cheating, and eventual collapse. over 55% of all men will cheat on their spouse, and over 50% of all women at some point. More marriages end due to finances, or abuse than to infidelity.

The question to ask is: where do I go from here? and where will my partner go from here?

In my case... My ex had an affair w/another man. She was not willing to end this affair, or even admit it was an affair... In the end she left for him.

But, I have seen many people rebuild from the ashes, and have an extremely happy marriage. Some times falling into a pit makes you appreciate what you have. And, sometimes it is just selfishness.

so ... ???

The trouble with living by statistics is that they don't bode well for us either. Second (third, etc) marriages/relationships don't show great stats of success. Add kids/blended families into the mix, traumatized people, even worse. Bottom line, one size does not fit all and each of us must judge what is best for us based on what works for us and our perspective future partners. - Unanimous.

Sheesh....I already covered all that!

sorry Z ... I just wanted to re-emphasize from the crap I've learned over the years...

Ps... In my opinion, emotional cheating is worse than physical...

It is a character flaw in some. they don't see the damage they do...and don't want to. From personal experience i would not stick around. I have been there.