Hi Cm: I cried when I got my signed divorce decree in the mail from the court and I think many here do cry. None of us grew up dreaming of marrying and getting divorced, and all of us worked hard to make our marriages work.

So it has pain to it, but then I realized that the Decree is my official document of freedom from my ex. It was also further proof that I have a new life and I'm able to do what I wanted for myself and my son. I could use colors in my place as I pleased, use candles for breakfast and dinner for my son and myself and just really live. And my son and made all new traditions just for us. There is life after divorce. Take care of yourself, treat yourself well, and many, many hugs.

Broken promises, the loss of a shared future, plans made, unfulfilled commitments. There is something that reaches deep into your heart and squeezes when you get those black and white pieces of paper that brings all of it back in a wave. I got mine a little over two weeks ago. Our marriage was 20 years and hit me out of the blue. Ive been riding the ups and downs of emotions for 6 months. I hate it.
Dont be so critical of yourself now. You have to heal before you can consider moving on to a new relationship. I cant even imagine that option no thanks. Read everything you can get your hands on. An idle mind tends to wander and shuffle through the thousands of what if scenarios. Im 48, and look at this as an opportunity to remake a new future. The loss of what was is a promise of what can be.

Thank you...... Astimegoesby ....... We have done just that. What makes it even harder is those times where we are together for a competition or even just picking up and dropping off our daughter while he dottles and flaunts his feelings for his girlfriend in my face. Hugging and kissing her right in front of me. I try my hardest not to show any expression cuz I don't want him to know he's gotten to me. It's very hard.

Lost....... I've gone to counseling for abuse...... I start counseling for rebuilding my confidence tomorrow...

That was going to be my suggestion. Therapy has worked really well for me. I'm gaining a new perspective on life when it felt like my life was pretty much over. And I've come to the realization that I don't need a man in my life to feel fulfilled and happy.

As far as the ex goes, can you just wait in the car while dropping off/picking up your daughter so you don't have to see him? I cringe when faced with the prospect of seeing my STBX's miserable face, so I always wait in the car.

Hello CM, Im in a similar situation. I was with someone 17 years with two children. One 18 and the other one 2. We been apart almost 3 years and I found out he has a girlfriend that has bonded with my 2 year old. Im 39 years old and still hurting. Its been hard to date and I feel like I can't let go and need people to talk to. You are not alone and with prayer and faith, I know its possible to move on. We have to support one another.

You are NOT alone and are beautiful in your picture. I feel the same way you do and we cannot let them do that to us! I was told completely out of the blue last November 7th that my marriage was over. He swears there is no one else (still having a very hard time believing that) and had no desire to work on things. Our son is the real victim and I do everything in my power to make him happy but it is very hard when we have to be at events together. I found God is my rock and this website helps a lot. I have felt a loss of friendships also and was forced to even change churches. Some people avoid you like a plague when you face this. That hurts a lot also. (((Hugs))))

i have never had anything hurt as much as my divorce does.
i have not gotten final papers yet and dread the day i do.
i know i will be a basket case. like as time said.............we all marry with the hope of no divorce of a future together etc. So much is lost........a planned future, dreams, hopes

all of us must go easy now on ourselves............very easy. you do this and so glad you are seeing a counselor. give yourself the freedom to heal. ((((((((((((((((((((((cmshin))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Its not easy to have it finalized. If there some hope that it was all just a bad dream is dashed, and we come to the realization that our life is forever changed.

We can pray and hope, and tell ourselves, everything has changed for the better.

I am glad my finalization happened in court, and she made a jackass out of herself, and afterwards my lawyer and I got a laugh out of it. It made it alot more pleasant for me.

i am pretty much in the same boat although its only been 5 weeks for me, he left me for another woman have not met her. my councler told me to buy this book its called rebuilding by dr.bruce fisher rebuilding afteryour relationship ends it takes you through the steps of healing i am on the denial chapter . hopes this helps.

oh, I totally remember the day I got my papers. Came completely unraveled. I kinda threw a hissy fit and all. I cried like the first day I had moved out and up until that day found that I was really strong and happy.

It made me feel like he and the other woman had all the room to start their happy little life while I was left to pick up the pieces of our shattered life and dreams and help our daughters through all their anger and sadness as well.

You will get there again. You have been really strong in the past and can be again. Don't let him do this to you anymore. You are beautiful and do have something to offer. I wrestle with the same things.

I guess I should also add that in my case, the other woman wised up and is out of the picture. He has since come back to me crying over his "stupid mistakes" and that I was right about everything. That made me smile a bit.

I didn't cry, but it sure felt like someone had put a big stamp on my forehead....

You will get through it.. Time, time, time........

I found a new love at 51. It's not over honey!

Thank for all the comments. Counseling was canceled this week due to a flu bug. I cried all the way home from work yesterday because its the weekend and I am alone. Have no one to share it with. I know in time this will pass .... But I'm not a very patient person. In this case .... I guess I have no choice. Once again .... Thank you .......