Times does heal all wounds. Sucks to say that you have to be patient and wait. I got my divorce final Feb 15...and i cried alot that weekend. I don't miss him per se..but the dreams i had. It still sucks as I mourn what could have been...but it does get better. I now have good days...still bad days...but i will take a good day anytime.

@darcy ... if we didn't have a child together and if I didn't have to see him in person with his girlfriend (whom he cheated on me with) hanging and kissing all over each other during pick up and drop off times ..... It might not hurt so bad. Seriously thinking about meeting at a police station where I can drop her off and leave before they show up. The worst part, is my daughter doesn't like his girlfriend and testified in court against her being present during the visits. The judgeruled that the gf not be present .... However the ex manipulated our daughter into giving in and allowing it. I feel defeated. He even made the comment the other day ... You tried to screw me ... Didn't work bitch ... I still won. Don't know how he won. He's paying child support for the first time ever (he has 4 other children that he never paid for) and he is only allowed 1 day a week visits ... No sleepovers... Ooh well ... I'm done rambling now. Thanks for reading.

I'm so sorry you're hurting. Yes, receiving the decree can be painful, but it is also the sign that you may begin your new life on your terms.

If dropping off your daughter for visits makes you uncomfortable, perhaps a friend or relative could do it.

I hope you are able to continue your counseling--it does make a world of difference. And please reach out to friends on weekends--even if it's just to get together for coffee or dinner or a movie. It's important to establish these new routines.

Sending hugs!!!

WOW, cm,
I just had to add my 2 bits-----the people I have known in my life that spent their lives together did NOT or ever hang all over each other, even when they first got together. It is ALL for Show, for your benefit, to upset you. It means NOTHING else. That is usually done by the teenagers who have no idea what love is. They are just marking their territory, and they may be broke up by tomorrow.

Rather proud of myself today. He's not happy, he received the order stating that he must meet me half way on visitation days. Of course she (the other woman) clearly doesn't trust him because once again, she came with him. This time, when my ex stepped out of the truck to hug our daughter, I popped in the door and said hi to the OW. Proudly stated that our daughter got her brackets for braces and needs 8 teeth surgically extracted. She sat there with a totally surprised and disgusted facial expression because I addressed her directly. I acted like we were friends. Neither of them looked happy. I laughed the entire 30 minute drive back home.

Congratulations,
I think you were absolutely perfect!!!! LOL

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

I had to go to the clerk of court last week to get certified copies of the divorce for a couple of things. When she pulled it up on the computer and said "married to__?" I burst in to tears and had to leave. The OW will be moving here in a few months. This is a small town. In my mind I see him and her doing things we used to do and it stabs me in the heart. It's going to be impossible to not run in to them now and then. Sigh. I would like to have someone to build a new life with. But I am 57. Old, overweight, unattractive, etc. I don't know. Just taking it a baby step at a time.

Cm, can you stop him from coming to the door when he picks your daughter up.

I know the best thing for me was when I started putting the kids bags on the porch, their dad texts when he is in the driveway and they go out to him.

He will now put their bags on porch at drop off and they let themselves in

So much easier when he no longer rang the doorbell and we had to have a mini conversation.

As for competitions, my best advice is to avoid him until it no longer hurts.

I wouldn't have believed it but I can now stand with the father of my children at an event and it doesn't bother me. I have even had a short conversation with his gf and not resorted to tears in the car.

They were our forever and always, but that dream has changed, it takes a while but your dreams will change and you will see the alternative.

(((HUGS)))

momto..... - - thanks for your reply - - unfortunately, he does not come to the house anymore. we are ordered to meet half way because he abandoned our house and moved into his mothers house 1 hour away. i can't afford our house, so we will eventually file bankruptcy. when he did live closer - - i did exactly what you said, i would kiss my daughter good bye and stand behind the door, never looking him face to face. now I have no choice, so i am learning how to put on a good front. i know that he enjoys hurting me. so i put a smile on my face, politely say hi and attempt to engage in conversation with his girlfriend. they are both very selfish and spiteful individuals, i am doing my best to take back control by not allowing them to hurt me anymore. what i show to them may not be how i feel. but each time i smile and act as tho all is great in the world, i earn my own respect. to move on, i need to respect myself and take control by not allowing people like them to affect me. i keep telling myself that and one day, i'll actually believe it.

I think you're on the right track. Every time you start to get sentimental, stop yourself ask: what exactly am I missing about him? And think of all the terrible things he did to you. That should snap you back to reality. Divorce is the death of dreams. You are entitled to mourn that loss. But then you have to wipe away the tears, get up and start living again. I'm sure I'll be right there with you when mine is finalized. Not looking forward to those feelings again. Ugh!