Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife and I are seperating. Its been up and down the past two months and with a pandemic looming over its almost too much to handle sometimes.
My wife wants kids...I dont.
I am really struggling and its so heartbreaking. We have been together for 4 years now and its ending just because I dont want kids. I feel like she is giving more importance to non existen beings instead of the person who has been there for her during her mental trauma, helping get financial assistance and being a kind loving husband. I feel like my only value was to be able to provide a child for her. If not then I am a deficent person for not wanting to have a child. I feel like I an not enough to be with her just as I am for being me. I have a feeling its only what I can produce for her instead of who I am is more important.
Anyone else ever been in a situation like this?
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I've been feeling like I don't matter my wife the other day instead of telling me she was having a pain day when I went to have sex with her she tell me afterwards that she having pain day due to her fribromyalgia and making feel like shit afterward saying she has a list of things from past 9 years of thing for me to do and is always adding more and more to this list and talk...
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My best friend ruined my day with her immature, bitchy self. If she doesn't get her way, she has a tizzy fit. I told her weeks ago that I couildn't go to yard sales with her on 9/12 because i have a hair appointment. She wasn't happy. I also told her that I don't have any money to go to yard sales. She tried to talk me into going to more yard sales by saying that if I don't go, there...
And yes, a lot of people will consider this a deal breaker if they are not on the same page. And not just whether to have kids or not. If they disagree on how many kids to have, which religion they will be raised, private or public school, etc. etc.
However... curious...
Had you told her before you got married, that you didn't want kids?
My ex-husband wanted kids and I was not sure I wanted to be a mom. People here are quick to say: did you talk about it? You probably did right? We did and we knew we did not see eye to eye in this subject but we were in love, we wanted to be together and we were SO naive in thinking that one of us will change our mind at some point. After 6 years, I was feeling the pressure to get pregnant. The pressure was insane.His family was also pretty awful about this and intervened a lot-
This was one of the main reasons we ended our marriage (along with other reasons). It was painful and very difficult. It's been 3 years since we separated. He is now with a new partner and I am also with a new person that does not want kids.
Something we did not try was couple's therapy. Try that out, even if you end up separating, I think it's a good way to process and understand each other. Good luck with the process - Here to chat if needed.
Wanting to create a family is just too powerful of a need/life goal to give up no matter how much you love the person.
I have been in her shoes and it is the hardest thing I ever did to walk away. I still care about him and sometimes wonder if maybe he would have been enough. But I am pretty sure I would have regretted it at some point and ended up resenting him.
It's not like giving up a job or moving to a new city, this decision really shapes up how the rest of your life will be and there is no turning back no matter what you decide.