I've asked myself and answered. Knowing I've done everything...absolutely everything I could to save my marriage, is the only thing keeping me sane as it ends. I can walk away knowing I did everything I could...and have a clear conscience. Still hurts terribly...but there are no unanswered questions in my mind from my side...and when it all boils down to it. We need to be truthful with ourselves on this issue.

For me, it really came down to what I would accept. I realized that I would not:
accept a relationship where I was not remotely attractive to my husband.

would not accept his "mid-life crisis I need to have a relationship with another woman and you need to accept it" attitude

would not live the rest of my life having sex once a year

would not accept having a roommate for a husband

The above were areas I was not willing to compromise in. That said, every day I question if I am being selfish and should I accept the above for the sake of the child. It sure as hell ain't easy.

"We need to be truthful with ourselves on this issue."

Where does the truth begin and end?

Knowing that I did my best is what keeps me sane. I questioned myself and tried to give my marriage another try. This would have been his time show what he could bring to the table and how we would possibly be if we worked it out. After a day and a half it became obvious that my marriage wouldn't work out. Now, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I did all I could.

I agree with JacJac - knowing I gave it my all helps me stay sane through this. If I had bent any more I would have completely broken. Yes, I REALLY did all I could. No second guessing whatsoever.

I think the vow goes to "till death do us part". Not "sickness, mid-life, boredom, emotions (etc), do us part". Love is an action not a feeling. The feeling comes from the act. (thats why believing in love at 1st sight is foolish). Were all selfish both divorcer and divorecee. To change is an act of love. But how many are unselfish enough to really do it? Not for a while but for a lifetime? I thought I was but my wife chose no to.

Well said Sparty. If our spouses had only agreed.... I believe I tried my best to do everything I could. Might have made a difference if he didn't already have a girlfriend....

yeah i did and am still doing it, bout ready to throw the towel in...i gotta tell ya.....

I was never given the chance to "do all I could" b/c there was absolutely NO WARNING that this was going to happen. I thought all was well (not perfect) but well and then BAM (as Emeril would say :) it hit the fan.

I really don't know what my stbx is/was thinking. I know I was a great wife and he was a great husband but something disconnected in his mind and he was done. Although he is an impulsive person and when something does not work out for him, he changes even when he shouldn't. His whole family is like this though with everything.

Did I do everything I could have? Well, I was never given the chance. There was a never a discussion about a break-up or a divorce.NEVER. STBX simply left one day and never looked back. In hindsight if I could have saved anything, would saving have been a good thing? After all this man thinks that I and our six year relationship was disposable....
I left my family behind, gave up my job, found a new one here, built a new life here...YES, I gave it all I had to give.

I changed until I was unrecognizable. Now I am on a journey to refind my real self. The self that was fine up until STBX got ahold to it....

yes i did i am not the same person as the song says i tried and i tried and i tried w/know one left to believe (queen)

I changed to the point where I was no longer myself. I was merely going through the motions and always altering the way I behaved to suit her. In marriage it is supposed to be give and take, but unfortunately I was the giver and she was the taker. I found myself comprimising my values and what I believed in to make her happy - not a good place to be! So in the end I feel that I did everything I could do to make my marriage work and I leave it with a good conscience knowing that.

I did all I could
and..
MORE THAN I SHOULD

I DID NOT DO all I could... but I took all I could.

When I found out about OW, it was over, she was gone. I could have let sleeping dogs lie, but that only would have been until he found someone else, and I COULD NOT live with myself or him if I just dismissedor ignored all the lying he did and hurt he caused.

So, YES, I could have saved my marriage, but at that point it wasn't worth saving, and my self-esteem meant more to me than the marriage did. I have to teach my d what is important in life, and being willing to settle for someone who treats you like crap is not a situation I want her to think is OK.