Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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desperate

sdwill
sdwill
I am in desperate need of sound advise. After being divorced 20 yrs, I just married the man that I thought was the right one two short weeks ago today. I know that it was probably wrong, but due to the fact that I was waking at 2am and finding my new husband texting on his cell, I decided to check it when he was out of the room. He always hides his cell and turns it off, but just so happens he left it in the room when he thought I was asleep. I found that only four days after we married, he was receiving pic texts of a 17 yr old girl as well as texting the woman that he was seeing before me. I confronted him and he became very angry. The next day he did change his cell number which I thought was a step in the right direction. But now he starts arguments constantly and is very moody and impossible to get along with. He blames me completely for everything. Says it was nothing and I shouldn't have got upset about it. He is very insecure, I'm guessing because he does bad things he thinks everyone else does too. He cheated on his first two wives. The night before I looked on his cell I had my Christmas dinner at work and had to stay over. He kept my 6 yr old daughter. I texted him twice, once to say we were eating and ask him if my daughter was being good to which he responded "I reckon" and then once to tell him that I would be home shortly to which he responded "I hope so, I wasn't counting on babysitting". I found his responses rude and offensive. This was my fault as well, said he meant nothing by the comments. I am so sad and confused and need advise.
patti22
patti22
Oh Flipping Please.....

He'll get you doubting yourself until you can't tell day from night.

And didn't mess with her because she was underage??? So he'd have messed with her if she was 18!!

And who cares about a shirt....that's only an issue to put you on the defensive and stop you from thinking about what really matters.

I have to leave and go to a study group, but I'll be back later this afternoon. Stick with us. DS is a wacky group but we bond together over stuff like this.

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. This must be really aweful to go through. I'm So So sorry.

You're clearly a strong woman, who's raised her children on her own, and I believe that you have the strength to make it through this too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi, you have had such good sage advice. That is not normal behaviour and even if you were in a social circle that accepted it, the important thing is that it is making you doubt yourself and that is a very rock road. Get counselling for youself to build up your self esteem and your strength and to hear yourself say out loud that it is not normal and keep talking over here. I have been through similar stuff - no naked pics though - and it is torture (which Paul Coelho points out is against the Geneva Convention ;))Lots of love.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh, and you will turn into screaming crazed jealous one if you decide to overlook it. Hugs.
sdwill
sdwill
I came out of a four year very physically abusive relationship in January. My youngest daughter's father tormented us with his meth induced violence. I got away from him in January only to be chased and threatened on a regular basis until a few months ago. When I met Brian I was so impressed by the fact that he didn't drink or do any drugs that I thought he must be ok. But he is verbally abusive and I'm not so sure he couldn't become physically abusive as well with his temper. My kids are the most important and I will do whatever it takes to make sure they are safe and happy, even if it means annuling my short marriage.
sdwill
sdwill
I do want to make it clear that the pic of the 17 yr old was of her face and nothing else, but just it doesn't matter. Still a married man and she is a 17 yr old girl. Wrong, wrong, wrong on both accounts
deleted_user
deleted_user
You didn't give yourself enough time to get out of the victim mentality. You just wrote out your answer. Abuse is abuse and you just went into another abusive situation. What is this going to teach your child?

Have you done any counseling in the interim?
sdwill
sdwill
I haven't had any counseling, but know that it would be a good idea for both me and my children. My 16 yr old son I feel was most affected by the abusive situation. He still sleeps with a bat beside his bed. The last time we had confrontation with my youngest's father he said he was going to kill me then himself with the kids in the living room. My dad had put deadbolts on the door that day while I was at work, which saved my life. We went thru hell.
deleted_user
deleted_user
and now, it is within your power to not let history repeat itself. Your daughter will learn from you. My heart goes out to your son. You all do need counseling as it is beyond an internet support site. We can only supplement but the real help will come from the professionals. You owe it to yourself and to your children to learn those lessons well and be free of the chain of abuse....any type of abuse.

So, have you made any calls yet?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yeah you guys all need counseling right away. I say that you need to get away from your abusive husband too. I think you need to put all your focus on yourself and your kids right now and work on that. dont worry about what the heck hes up to or doing anymore. hes got huge problems and you dont need that in your life. get your kids some help. I tell you when I went to counseling it really helped me out to talk through things.
sdwill
sdwill
My 22 yr old was having panic attacks and anxiety so she is the only one who has had conseling. Being as my son's father also disappeared 7 yrs ago never heard from again, he for sure needs counseling, if he will go.
deleted_user
deleted_user
He is 16. He will go if you steer him there. He is still a minor and it's in the approach. But, please answer this: Have you made any calls yet?
lycesq
lycesq
You need to get out of that relationship and you need to do it now. I totally agree with the other posts. Forget about
"standing by your man" - stand by your children!

There is something in you that is responding to these abusive men. I agree - you desperately need counseling.

Lynne
sdwill
sdwill
I haven't made calls but talked to a coworker who is also a preacher and he has a counseler friend who he is going to have call me
rose77
rose77
There is something wrong as everyone else has said. In my opinion and experience from my stbx behavior, he is mad and angry because you are stopping him from doing something he wants to do. I know that is why my stbx acted the way he did. Its not good that he has started to do this so soon after you got married. Maybe he was doing it before, but you just did not catch it. Mine does have a sexual addiction but always blamed me saying that I was crazy and that he is doing nothing wrong. He always said that I was nosy and has a trust problem. He always turned it around that he was a victim. Just think about what you need to do for yourself and your daughter. Don't waste years if you don't think that this will work out.