Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
When my xgf dumped me end of March, I had mixed emotions.
On the one hand I was actually relieved. The pain was not as sharp nor deep as the first two dumpings. I had begun to understand she had some fairly significant issues and life with her would have been a constant struggle, filled with all sorts of drama and heartache. Since then I've even come to understand she was abusing me emotionally and psychologically. I don't think it was intentional. I just think it's who she is and I do have compassion for her because of this.
On the other hand the way she dumped me was vicious, and she used the sharpest verbal weapons, striking at my deepest and most profound vulnerabilities that I had willingly exposed to her. Things I explained to her early on because I loved and trusted her and wanted to be totally honest with her. It brought insecurities and great pain from the past back to the surface. Things I had worked hard for over three years to overcome and put behind me,
Anyway, I worked through it all again and got back to the very good place I was before we started dating. Obviously it didn't take years this time, but only a couple of short months.
I was feeling so damn good before the holidays, but then I started to hit bumps in the road. Triggers, I guess. The anniversary of our first date. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years spent with her and her boys. Her boy's birthday. All the good times we shared during the time we were together. I've been in a real funk since mid-November. :(
I also made a couple of big, idiotic mistake. I sent her holiday greeting texts on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Nothing romantic, just standard Thanksgiving and Christmas greetings. Of course I got no response and to make matters worse I decided to try calling her and discovered she has my numbers bloced on her phones. I already knew she unfriended and blocked me on Facebook.
So now I'm sitting here feeling very low. I have all sorts of negative feelings swimming through my head. Rejection. Betrayal. Fear. Aloneness. Inadequate. Worthless. Undesirable. My confidence and self-esteem are in the gutter.
The way she dumped me and totally cut me off makes it look like she thinks I'm crazy, bad, evil, toxic, whatever.
On an intellectual level I know this is silly. As much as I don't like to label people, I'm fairly certain she's some kind of crazy. At the very least, she has an appalling lack of empathy. There were so many ways she could have ended it with a modicum of compassion and understanding. It's almost as if she denied me my humanity.
Am I nuts? Are these feelings normal?
On the one hand I was actually relieved. The pain was not as sharp nor deep as the first two dumpings. I had begun to understand she had some fairly significant issues and life with her would have been a constant struggle, filled with all sorts of drama and heartache. Since then I've even come to understand she was abusing me emotionally and psychologically. I don't think it was intentional. I just think it's who she is and I do have compassion for her because of this.
On the other hand the way she dumped me was vicious, and she used the sharpest verbal weapons, striking at my deepest and most profound vulnerabilities that I had willingly exposed to her. Things I explained to her early on because I loved and trusted her and wanted to be totally honest with her. It brought insecurities and great pain from the past back to the surface. Things I had worked hard for over three years to overcome and put behind me,
Anyway, I worked through it all again and got back to the very good place I was before we started dating. Obviously it didn't take years this time, but only a couple of short months.
I was feeling so damn good before the holidays, but then I started to hit bumps in the road. Triggers, I guess. The anniversary of our first date. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years spent with her and her boys. Her boy's birthday. All the good times we shared during the time we were together. I've been in a real funk since mid-November. :(
I also made a couple of big, idiotic mistake. I sent her holiday greeting texts on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Nothing romantic, just standard Thanksgiving and Christmas greetings. Of course I got no response and to make matters worse I decided to try calling her and discovered she has my numbers bloced on her phones. I already knew she unfriended and blocked me on Facebook.
So now I'm sitting here feeling very low. I have all sorts of negative feelings swimming through my head. Rejection. Betrayal. Fear. Aloneness. Inadequate. Worthless. Undesirable. My confidence and self-esteem are in the gutter.
The way she dumped me and totally cut me off makes it look like she thinks I'm crazy, bad, evil, toxic, whatever.
On an intellectual level I know this is silly. As much as I don't like to label people, I'm fairly certain she's some kind of crazy. At the very least, she has an appalling lack of empathy. There were so many ways she could have ended it with a modicum of compassion and understanding. It's almost as if she denied me my humanity.
Am I nuts? Are these feelings normal?
One problem with the 'net is it's totally lacking in non-verbal queues.
I would say that's a good thing, sounds like you have some clarity on what happen or as to why..
But.... I'm not to sure about this though..
Since then I've even come to understand she was abusing me emotionally and psychologically. I don't think it was intentional. I just think it's who she is and I do have compassion for her because of this.
hmmmm...
It's possible any communication from you is making her trigger so she blocked you. Feels like rejection, but it may be necessary in order for her to get over you. Even though she made the decision to leave doesn't mean she was already over you. This is a process. (((HUGS)))
When you bade me farewell
You left a hole too deep,
You climbed the stairway
Most of us find too steep.
The smaller things in life
Were yours to appreciate,
You always taught me
To change is never too late.
All the times we had
All the games we played,
Physical presence may not be,
But memories, they never fade.
A bond engrained, too deep to express
My feelings for you I cannot suppress.
You opened the door to hope and trust
Dislike no one, to love is a must.
You gave me everything i know
Now the time has come to let go.
Everything has a beginning and an end,
Your time has come, I'll never forget you my friend.
I didn't write this but I feel it matches the concept of learning to say goodbye and letting go. Here it goes in response to your poem after my previous comment:
When you bade me farewell
You left a hole too deep,
You climbed the stairway
Most of us find too steep.
The smaller things in life
Were yours to appreciate,
You always taught me
To change is never too late.
All the times we had
All the games we played,
Physical presence may not be,
But memories, they never fade.
A bond engrained, too deep to express
My feelings for you I cannot suppress.
You opened the door to hope and trust
Dislike no one, to love is a must.
You gave me everything i know
Now the time has come to let go.
Everything has a beginning and an end,
Your time has come, I'll never forget you my friend.
When you learn to love yourself and understand that you deserve better, you will settle for nothing less than the best in a relationship. No one has a right to abuse you!! Move on and pray for the right woman who will have mutual love and respect for you.....
we're hurt when they reject us because we know
someone who has problems as deep as theirs (personality disorder in my ex's case)
should be GRATEFUL to have someone as loving and classy and got their life together as much as we did/do
but they don't
they devalue rather than value us
and somehow that feels like its going against the laws of nature or something
it doesnt compute
and we want it to compute
we want to set things right, accordin to nature
but you can't make unreasonable people be reasonable
(someone here taught me that)
the remedy I found for that was acknowledging all the evidence that reasonable people value me
and thats the nature/environment I make my home in
I dont know if that makes any sense to you
but I need to use the same line of rational thinking to explain why someone who is so "above the law" gets away with so much, and MAKES so much money, or can be so popular with so many people when he hurts, cons, lies to, uses, and annihilates so many. It all seems to go against the laws of nature (as if there were such things in these kinds of matters)
I have to look at how I have people who love me in my life, whom I can rely on in the darkest of storms, who can trust me too...and that my environment supplies me with everything I need.
Nature. I'm dwelling in the exact right one for me.
And I can't imagine you aren't as well.
cheaters for example. a loving spouse simply does not entertain thoughts of screwing others. that is an act of anti-love which proves that person is simply incapable of normal romantic love. they are warped individuals.
"someone who has problems as deep as theirs (personality disorder in my ex's case) "