I doubt you're unloveable. I am going through a bad breakup myself. The love of my life who I was with for 8 years, said she didnt love me anymore and left me for another man. Rejection and betrayal are some of the hardest things a humam being can possibly go through emotionally. I get down and deppressed and feel worthless. But the only thing you can do is accept things for what they are. And allow yourself to go through the grieving process. Im sorry, but there is no easy answer or shortcut to get through the pain. It takes time..and time is.something you cant control. You are doing the best thing you can by finding this place where people know EXACTLY how you feel. Just having somebody to talk to that understands your pain and can give you support is the best rhing you can do right now.

Screwed_up thank you and heartbreak is the worst!! Its like someone is twisting your belly over and over. I love really hard I give my everything isn't that how it should be? He told me he loved me then said he made a mistake. I wanted to love him flaws and all, I wanted to take his pain away even though I was going through my own stuff.
I'm so very sorry about what you are going through as well. I'll never understand any of it. Dont people want loyalty, trust commitment it doesn't seem so anymore.

This situation has me looking crazy text on top of text. Calling . I just want him to see he's making a terrible mistake leaving me

You can't make someone love you, just because you think they should....all that will do is put you in the same situation you're in now with an eventual ugly divorce or separation.

You wanting him to "see he's making a terrible mistake by leaving you" is what you want.....he's told you he doesn't love you and it doesn't sound like he thinks leaving you is a terrible mistake. You need to come to terms with the reality that he's made his decision and this relationship isn't going to work. You can't force him to stay or love you or stay in a relationship he doesn't want to be in.

Technically you're still married, going through an acrimonious long divorce is tedious, and from what you've said of your Ex-husbands actions, I imagine you have some trust/relationship issues. It sounds like these things have bled into your current relationship and its not what he wants to deal with.

Maybe its time to work on your issues, get to a healthy emotional point where your happy just to love and be with yourself. Get your Divorce finalized and put that piece of the past behind you so it's not brought into future relationships. Then you can move into an emotionally healthier future...

Take care.

Try doing one small for yourself each day. Go to the grocery store and buy the things that only you like. You know exactly what it is. Take it home and enjoy. I am so used to shopping for everyone else it hard, but it might give you a moment of relief.

@OlderCper you are so right and apparently I had to learn the hard way I didn't know that is what I was doing and it hurts me to the core, he told me I wouldn't let us grow. I do appreciate your honesty. I do need to work on me and try to love and enjoy myself I honestly don't know how to do that. I've put everyone first for so long and I don't want to be miserable and bitter .....
Thank you for taking time for me

@netsfade thank you

I'm glad we can be vulnerable here. All of these posts resonate with me. I was left by my ex after he decided he didn't love me and was no longer happy. Totally caught off guard. You kinda know some of the signs, but I think deep down you hope for change, not divorce. He was my idol. If I could have gotten paid to follow him around and cater to his every desire, (don't judge) but I would have. I really was not the best mom for my kids because of this and all the other bad relationships I entered into. And even while my divorce was in the final stages, I met an old friend and wow....he was so sweet and such a great listener. I was beginning to fall in love again. I specifically heard God say, "No. Stop dating."
Although it was such a scary and a lonely journey, I finally discovered that I was lonely but not alone. All the poor choices was because I believed that I was alone and it was true. I had people in my life who loved me and were there if I needed them, but because of my false beliefs, I held tight to dating, at all cost to validate that untruth. Spending time with myself cause me to learn so much about myself, my past, my pain, my insecurities and how I was not a good (care taker of my own heart). I freely gave it away and it was not being nurtured, but instead misused. They did not do it intentionally, but I once heard that we treat others how to treat us, Because of my abandonment issues, I was clinging onto people that really weren't bringing out the best in me, but confirming all the negative stuff I believed about myself.
I'm so sorry for the pain expressed here, the betrayal and the struggles...I deeply care for all of you because we do share similar paths...and (Loyalty) I truly hope that you can (as mentioned in other posts) put some "alone" time in and go deeper into the places you've probably tucked safely under the layers of your heart for either fear of rejection or a way to protect yourself. A counselor was able to take me back to the early years of when my parent's divorced and caused me to grasp for love any way that I could, in order to replace what was taken from me and the belief that my parents rejected me. That was safety, security and love. It truly comes back to us when we put in the hard work and slowly release the anger, pain, disappointments and unmet expectations. I had to let go of the brokenhearted 13 year old girl and see what I could become if I was willing to stop people pleasing. There is a new and transformed you just waiting in the wings. Oftentimes, the journey does not allow for short cuts. Praying for you as you get a journal, a close friend, support group or a therapist to start the process...

Barnabas2017 wowwww I know you are right, you all are and I've lived in this bubble for over 30 years because of the things I've witnessed as a child I saw so much hurt, pain and rejection so I vowed to be the best mother I could be, best girlfriend/ wife I married my 2nd love before I was 21, family has always been so important to me so in my bubble I ...never cheated I stayed completely committed but the first husband was strong out on crack, I stayed as long as I could as I promised him I would never give up on him years went by and he got worse. Drug dealers taking my car with child seats and all, coming to my house looking for him, so I had to finally end it for our safety. After swearing off men I met husband #2 my 3rd love I actually loved the ground he walked on, (so I know what you mean) he could do no wrong until he did, I was pregnant with my fourth child when I found out he cheated on me, it broke my heart and I'll never forget that pain. Heartbreak is a real sickness I tried to commit suicide I was 8 months pregnant that was in 2007 so as you can see I stayed and eventually the lies, verbal abuse, disrespect started and never stopped. He would always threaten me with divorce or separation and he did this for years. He would leave or disappear, I'd chase him down he'd come home and it was just a horrible cycle. So the last time he threatened me with divorce I said fine let's do it and as I sat back and opened my eyes I saw things that I was not willing to live with. He had been breaking me down year after year I ...never trusted him again after he cheated in 2007. I was so conflicted because I didn't want my children to not have a father in the home but one day I had surgery, my 2nd hernia repair that was really bad so my oldest daughter was taking care of me because he and I weren't talking but she went out with her friends one night and he left me upstairs all night long I could barely get up to use the restroom he did this because he was angry with me. I cried all night from physical pain and emotional pain I woke up the next morning it was like a light switch came on, I asked myself is this the man I want to grow old with and my answer was no, so my decision was correct. I'll never forget hearing him downstairs playing games and laughing he never came up not once not to give me water, food or help me to the bathroom and this is the man I put upon a pedestal, waiting his return from med cruises stayed completely loyal even after he cheated. Taking care of the family, the house, the bill's and still working my night job .So no judgment from me

Maybe see a Therapist if that's an option for you. For most people if you can't be happy with yourself, being happy in a relationship is almost impossible....you just rely on the other person too much for your basic needs. I was married for 25 years to someone who didn't know how to be happy in himself, in return I also didn't know how to be okay with just me. Everything was all wrapped up together and we took too much from each other. The last 3 years of our marriage my ex lived on the couch, we lived as roommates raising 2 boys. When I finally ended it he was very angry and still is to this day. We'd been together since we were 16 and he said, "we were supposed to be together forever..." My response was, "for what?" to argue, live in separate rooms, be miserable....no thanks, that wasn't what I wanted anymore. He was remarried within a year because he can't be alone. I love living alone and being on my own terms, I've been happier in the last 7 years I've been divorced than I was in a very long time.

But it took time, there was a lot about me that I had to learn to be okay with and accept. I swore I'd never bother with another man or relationship, it wasn't worth it, been there done that.

But life goes on and we learn how to do things differently, better. I have a very good relationship with an incredible man for the last 5 years. We live in 2 different States, I in NC, he in VA, we see each other on weekends and once a week. Neither of us have the need to be under the others feet 24/7, we both work, we do volunteer work, we have busy lives and this relationship works for us.

So, you take time, you seek the help of a professional if you need it, and you spend time getting to know you and taking care of you, because that's whats important. You forget about being with someone until your secure in the knowledge that you would be perfectly fine on your own, without a man around. And when you get to a point where you think about seeing someone as just enjoyment and fun, not a need or someone to lean on or help you.....then you know your at a point where you are good to be in a healthy relationship.

You're strong and you can do this.

@ OlderCPer thank you so much.

I took some advice from you all . In the beginning of my day today I did cry a little but then I got up got out and ran errands came home listened to music and cleaned now I haven't truly cleaned my room since the divorce started so it's still not done but done for now however as soon as I stopped moving my mood plummeted :(

You need to talk to a counselor you are putting to Mich faith in people who teally don't care about you. If you want to be happy you have to put ypur self first now.

@ Lostinutah I had my first appointment the 2nd week in August. You are right though I have always done that