Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jab27 05/03/2017

Hello,

I am just curious how many of you have dated someone new while separated? My stbx is the one that initiated ending our marriage and stated he is moving out last Sept. but has done nothing to move out or file for divorce i think due to finances. He has made it more than clear he has no interest in me, wont even talk to me about any issues, no cards for anniversary, holidays, birthdays except from the kids. Never asks anything about me, no intimacy and not sleeping in the same bed. I have worked through a lot of my pain and upset but really miss having romance and companionship as he hasn't given me this for years. We haven't even gone out for a meal alone together in 9 years and he doesnt go places with me and the kids for years either. Going to file soon but need a little more $$ for cost. Have any of you dated someone new prior to divorce being final or did you wait. Just curious.

jab27 05/03/2017

Also want to add that I have been very lonely for a very long time.

Biatta 05/03/2017

You do not need to wait till final divorce. It is nothing immoral to start dating someone when you actually is not in relationships with your husband . But, you have to keep it secet as if you did not file the papers yet, your husband might use it against you. Do not date openly.

mynewnormal 05/03/2017

personal opinion here - I've been divorced over 2 years now. I haven't ventured much into the dating world, but I do have a profile on a couple of the online dating apps, and I scroll through now and then. If someone puts 'separated' as their status - I move on. I don't think its right to try to move on with your life, when you're still married to your old life. When you meet someone new, and move forward - while still married. You're asking that person to walk on eggshells around 'that part of your life' AND you're also changing the dynamic quite a bit - and with no legal paperwork pending, or an end in sight - you may be shooting yourself in the foot in the eyes of a judge too - there's more involved then just your personal feelings of loneliness, and wanting to be held. Get the legal steps in motion - you'll respect yourself more for it, and so will your next dating partner.

Dandelion 05/03/2017

I've been divorced for a while.

I'm working on myself and not looking to rush into a relationship with anyone other than myself right now.

I'm still putting a new life together.

I would never date anyone still married, no matter what hard luck sob story they threw at me, and would not date someone fresh out of a divorce.

If I were to become invested in someone else, I would want someone serious with their life together.

Misred 05/03/2017

No, I waited until the papers were signed by the judge. When I was dating, I didn't date anyone who was still married.

I'm sorry you are lonely. I totally get that. I was lonely in my marriage too. However, by seeking out a relationship right now, there is a good chance you will miss some serious red flags and end up with someone worse off that what you have now. Just about everyone out there dating is someones EX....think about it. Find a hobby

jab27 05/03/2017

Thank you all for your thoughts. I would like to file too because I feel like he is using me staying here ( he is disabled and doesn't work) and he should go like he said he was going to 8 months ago. It's been very unhealthy for me (tension headaches, chronic stress and anxiety) but doing better now. Not a good example for kids either. I really appreciate all of your thoughts....just wanted to feel wanted and have companion but I think it's better to at least have things filed and moving along first. Thanks!

Dragonflywishes 05/03/2017

He started dating first...I have actually dated but have had a brief fling while newly separated. As for the divorce...I was the one to file and did it for no money in California. Not sure where you are from...here if you can prove you are financially unable to pay, the fees can be waived. Also, there is free legal help at the court and they walk you through the process if money is an issue. But I caution going that route...it is hard...if you can afford a lawyer they at least can be a go between. As for my fling/his dating...it helped me really know I wanted out and I was the one who filed and started the process. And I am glad I did. Good luck.

Misred 05/04/2017

It is not expensive to file. Most likely he is waiting for you to do something so he can point to you and say "see how she is?" It makes you out to be the bad guy. Sound to me like he just wants to live there and be single. It doesn't work that way. You need to push him off the fence, otherwise it can carry on like this for years. He could also be making his plans and hiding things from you.

jab27 05/04/2017

Yes, he does like to leave things for me to do and then blame me for everything so I figured I'm going to have to be the one to initiate things. We rent and he wouldnt even sign the lease in Dec. so he really should not be there anymore. Obviously I am the one who takes care of my children and I financially.....he only seems to care about himself. I wanted to try mediation but whenever I try to talk about anything he gets up and storms off and leaves. I think I am just going to follow up with the lawyer I met with and see about her filing.....just would rather use the $ to pay off some bills. Will also check into seeing if I can manage filing on my own. Thanks again for all of your comments and feedback. It's really helpful!

Biatta 05/04/2017

Dear all, dating someone is not a practical deal. Just because you devirced already does not mean you have more or any chances to meet someone who you really can like. Dating sites are mostly money making machines. I do not know anyone who found a soulmate there. I think this is really stupit to let the right person go or to miss your opportunity just bcz you are not divorced yet. Ussualy people who think this way, find no one even after they are healed and ready to date. Then, take the age on account. It is a big difference when you are 30 or 45.

Dandelion 05/04/2017

Biatta, I don't want a rebound. So I'm taking my time.

And anyone still involved with someone else in any way, shape or form I'm also not interested in. No legal or emotional entanglements to complicate MY life.

And I have no intention of being used as a piece of ass, and yes I still look that good.

So...once I am ready to maybe become involved, do not bother me unless you're single, as am I.

If someone's that interested in me, they can call me when they're divorced.

Married players with sob stories are not welcome.

Be careful out there Biatta. Seriously.

Dandelion 05/04/2017

Biatta why do you NEED a man.

Your posts sound desperate, like God forbid you don't find one.

Biatta 05/04/2017

I need a man for the same reason any normal woman does. For exciting sex, for a nice company, for support, for a nice company. I need a man to not to feel myself empty and lonely. No friendship, no personal strengths or achievements can substitute for what a loving man can give to a woman.
And, I am very self sufficient woman...pretty, sexy, very strong and smart. And, yes..if I would split with my husband I will need a man. I will be able to survive without him, but I won't be happy without love.
The women who say.."I do not need a man"..just lye to them self and others..or may be they do not know what the love feels. I know.

Biatta 05/04/2017

Dendeleon,
you were not the one to decide who is welcome there and who is not.

"So...once I am ready to maybe become involved, do not bother me unless you're single, as am I. "..How old are you? Are there line of men who is bothering you with their good or bad intentions?

"If someone's that interested in me, they can call me when they're divorced."..or I am sure, with such an attitude they will call somebody else, who might supported them, listened to them and loved them for who they are.

"Married players with sob stories are not welcome. " sounds very cynical. All people have their emotional baggage. You too have yours.

Dandelion 05/05/2017

Ugh. What are you talking about?

Who's deciding who's welcome here?

I'm 53, and I have more men bothering me than women half my age.

You're completely missing my point, which isn't surprising.

And if not wanting to date a married man is cynical, that's fine with me.

You really sound like someone who would date a married man rather than be "alone", and I'm just wondering why the desperation

Don't bother replying. I'm putting you on ignore. Your posts are just too irritating.

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