I agree with those who are waiting for the divorce to be finalised...

Two main reasons for this......I want to 'stick it' to my wife by being the person of integrity and character in this process...the more irresponsible she becomes, the more 'responsible' i want be.

Bearing in mind, you have to be separated for 12 months here in AUS before you can be granted a divorce....man that is a long time to wait.

The second point is that i want to steer as far clear as i can from a "rebound" relationship, because from what i have seen and heard...they are completely dysfunctional.

Llmt..dont feel guilty about the date, but keep your standards high......dont settle for less.

My situation has similarities to yours. Though i understand the obvious concerns of jumping into a serious relationship, for me, I think just dating would be ok. I guess the question i would ask myself is... aside from the legality of the paperwork, are you in a relationship with your ex? If you are not in an emotional or physical relationship with him, but simply roommates, then for me, I would be ok with dating. I don't believe it should simply be out of the question, but perhaps the fact that you feel conflict over this means perhaps you are not quite ready?

dan..you are right...I wish I put this out there before went but what's done is done...wasn't right for me..felt it's wrong and lesson learned.

Well, I recently found out myself that sometimes we learn things the hard way during this process. Dammit, nothing important comes with manuals....husbands, kids, marriage, divorce....

Funny thing is that the stuff that does come with manuals, I never read. Stbx used to always razz me about that. And dammit, we wouldn't be in these f'd up situations if it weren't for these f'd up people!

Have a drink and give yourself a break. Have another for me. Or 10.

I was cribbing off of Mel's notes.

I think its the lack of honesty that is bothering you more than the act of going on a date with a man you have nice conversations with....if there is any chance of recociling then...I say put all of your energy into it...if there is no hope then I think its time you and your husband discussed some of the technical things....and I agree with mush of what has been said - NEVER SETTLE! take your time, you need to fully heal before you can enter a new relationship...wishing you the bast...

@llmt: Both Mel and Frank are right (I don't care who came up with it first...they were both spot on).

The answer for everyone isn't the same. You pushed a couple of boundaries and now you know. Please don''t beat yourself up over whatever you are feeling. I think the biggest thing I've learned during the period is to not beat yourself up.

Those that matter, don't mind. And those that mind, don't matter.

Take care! ~D

I agree that it depends on the situation. You know I am actively dating. My stbx does not live in the same house, but I feel like if he can have a girlfriend while he was living here, I can date once he is gone. I'm not out there necesarily looking for a long term relationship. It's fun meeting new people and seeing if there is a connection. I WILL NOT involve our children with any man until I am 100% certain that they won't get hurt by his involvement in their lives. You have to do something for yourself every once in awhile. It is ultimately up to you to decide if you are ready to put yourself out there again.

I agree with mel that everyone makes their own choice on this one and it's about how you feel.

I don't think that you dating while separated (even if in the same house) is the same as him cheating while very much married. Not at all. Marriage papers stop meaning something at a certain point. Just make sure you're protecting your heart, hon. Take care of you.

L, I would say it's probably not a good idea right now. You are hurting on so many levels and this only complicates things. Hang in there hope things are turning in your favor!

I would say probably better to wait and based on the conversations we've had I think you are definitely not there yet but you're an adult and can make your own decisions. Him finding out you had a date would probably only make him feel like he now has your permission to carry on with the hobag and feed his incredible ego even more or make him feel "relieved" even. Is he still saying its just work related? If he is, just tell him to stop lying. Seen the pics you have of them, there's nothing "work related" about that relationship.

Also sounds like you are clearly on the fence about your feelings for this other guy but I'm guessing you enjoy the company but probably aren't there romantically yet and I would say that's probably not going to end well while you are going through all this sh*t.

As for reconciliation, IMO, that isn't going to be possible so long as he is still so infatuated with the OW. He needs to move the hell out and go live out his mistake and let you get on with your life. I would love for nothing else to see your marriage saved but clearly, he is living in his little fantasy world and the longer you live in limbo dealing with all this, the more it is going to affect your health, both mentally and physically.

Giant hugs to you this morning!

if it does not feel right to do don't do it. I don't see anything wrong with dating if the relationship is over but if it does not feel right then you are not ready. I started dating after almost six months of breaking up and it feels kinds of uncomfortable but I am doing it to get over that hump and enjoy going out with other guys, it is a matter of practice. But I know every one is different and depending on the reasons you give yourself to date. I am not looking for a relationship either. Maybe you can start by asking yourself what you want to get out of dating and see if you can get it.