I have been divorced from my exh for 2-1/2 yrs, we have split custody (wish I had full), and he does the revolving gf thing, brings new gf around the kids the first chance he can and it drives me nuts (exception, new wife only met the kids once, before getting married, yr later they are now divorced). When they first married, she used watch our kids during his parenting time (which drove me even more nuts).

Why they do this, I don't know. Mostly I think, parent like this think kids should adapt to their lifestyle, vs the other way around.

I also suspect many times (as pps said) that they have no clue what to do during their parenting time, figure why not kill two birds with one stone, in their minds they are keeping both gf and kid(s) happy.

In my exh's case, I think it also has to do with trying to impress new gf, show that he is serious with new gf (he tends to jump into relationship with both feet without looking).

I also my exh did this, as a way shuffling his responsibilities, and replacing me (my ex will not give me full custody, as it would mean child support, where I live joint custody if preferred unless the children are being harmed).

I also wanted to comment on the women (our exes gfs) that go along with this. Since our divorce 2-1/2 yrs ago, he's had regularly sleepovers (while the kids were sleeping there too), with four women, and two of those women, were very religious, preached abstinence until marriage, yet hopped into his bed within a month of meeting him. What is up with that? Then there is his most recent (longest post-divorce relationship), they got married three months after meeting (one of those months broken up), she met the kids once. The kid did not know they were getting married until the day it happened (a Tuesday), because my middle child stumbled upon his rings, wedding suit, I called him to confirm it was true. WTH are these people thinking??? What about the KIDS!!!! He has split custody of them, should they not know this crap???

And yeah, my ex divorce his new wife a week and a half ago, my kids still do not know (just that she and her kitties are moving back to her old place). I confirmed the divorce by looking up the state court judicial records. My exh, still has not mentioned or hinted at this. I figured it out when the kids told me the new wife (and her cats) were moving back to her old place (when school starts).

I am cringing at the thought of him dating again....

MTZ3, WOW, I can't imagine what you are going through.....my thoughts on this.....and again simply my observation of my situation is that people whom we have met and married and who have for the most part been a good parent...something snaps, my ex wife went from being one of the most unselfish, uuber Mums to being the most selfish woman I have ever met.

She has put her relationships first and forth most ahead of her children and their welfare, I don't even recognize her and her actions....its like she had a mid-life crisis. Has anyone else observed this?

.....and sorry if I'm going off topic a bit on this but, who are these people that date our ex's? If I were to put myself out there and date a woman and she put her needs and god forbid my needs ahead of their children, I would end the relationship immediately because in my eyes that says a lot about a person and their values or lack of. In my eyes my children come first, second and third period.

You can only blame so much of their actions on their own bad parents. My parents kind of sucked, and my STBX's parents did too. Mine divorced when I was a teenager (dad an alcoholic, mom thought mostly of herself), and my STBX's parents stayed married til death (his mother was a major bible-thumper yet looked down her nose at others, and his father worked 2 jobs and wasn't around much when he was a kid). I promised myself I was going to be a better parent than what I had, and I think I've done a good job at raising my kids. My STBX, on the other hand, never had much involvement with them (called it babysitting when he was in charge of the kids), and now whines that they don't come over much. They have nothing in common, and they never bonded with him because he was always too busy doing his own thing. He admits his parents were dysfunctional, yet parented his kids the exact same way. Go figure.

TML - to your last reply, I wonder the same thing. If a man told me he has a kid he never sees, my first thought wouldn't be, "Oh goodie! Where can I sign up?"

I agree, a deadbeat parent is a total turn off too me, but understand sometimes it take a while to figure out. Usually I can tell by the first or second date, but sometimes it take a few weekends to figure out why that person has an excuse to not see their child(ren) In one case, the guy claimed to be seeking full custody, yet was too busy to see his kids (when his parenting time came up).

The sleepover thing (while kids are present), I have never figured out, why the rush (within a few dates). My ex, his gfs, they'd allow my ex to sleepover too (while her kids were there). When they knew each other less than a month. I think it's like TML said, people snap. Perhaps desperate to reach out to anything.

Having said that, most of the guys I have dated, have pretty cautious about introducing me to their kids, are responsible (watch the kids when they are supposed too, most actually have full custody). I've never had a sleepover while the kids are present, but my kids have met a two of my guy friends (casual brief outings).

I know this is me and my personal hang up, but I can't imagine having a man sleep over while my son is here. Logistically, I have him so much, it would seem so weird and a major disruption in our lives. Emotionally, I don't want any one in my life right now, but if I did, I wouldn't want them so permanently that they are seeing me when I don't have my son AND when I do. That's too much of the whole "hanging out with a partner" thing for me to handle.

I also know that, while i have dated since my divorce, I never remotely came close to my son meeting anyone. None of those "relationships" amounted to much past scratching the surface. It would take something pretty amazing for me to incorporate a man into my son's life.

No I do not think that is so strange, but if I were looking for a serious relationship, and had not met my SO kids, by 6 months (earlier than 3 months again would be strange), then I would probably assume my SO was not so serious, commitment phobic, and continue looking (not necessarily break up, but yeah, I'd not turn down any potential dates at this point). But again I am talking from the POV of someone looking for an exclusive relationship, as a female finding people who do not want to commit (meet kids) are very easy to find.

Trying, you always take the words right outta my mouth! Thank you!!

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt...that NO ONE will ever meet my son....for a looonnngggg time. I was in a relationship for a year and a half, granted, 11 months of that he was deployed, and my son didn't even know the guy existed. They never met, and I was sure about that. I even explained it to my now ex bf....and you know what? He said he respected that because he saw the opposite in his childhood.

I know my kid is 12, and not a baby. But if any hearts get broken, it will be one, NOT two.

Children are innocent bystanders in divorce. They don't have choices. And know what? The little guy is growing so quickly...in the blink of an eye...why would I distract myself away from him, for a who knows what kind of chance ? My son is forever. And I only get one chance to be a parent. If I need to wait to "date" for 6 more years...then so be it.

Sorry for my rant. I'm overly passionate about this today after visiting with a friend this morning. She is not divorced yet, in a relationship with a man with 6 children..known each other 2 months..and her children are constantly exposed already. I stopped to see her this morning because her oldest is off to his first semester of college. I wanted to give the kid a hug, a little cash in his pocket, and wish him well. "Friend" started in talking about her new bf...and I watched the reaction of the 17 year old. Proof, once again...

Everyone has their own way, and I respect that. But wow.. I'm sure this is also coupled with my years of watching this day in and out working with children and family services.

Put your selfish needs aside, and be a parent. Parenting was a choice, while children subjected to this have no choice whatsoever.

Worst of all...there is NO talking to my ex about this. I will once again the crazy ass ex wife with a screw loose.

Maddening.

Let me add to what you just said.

I also don't intend to bring a man around my son because, honestly? That's MY son. I don't want someone coming in, thinking they are going to lay down some kind of law, and insinuate himself into my day-to-day...or try and discipline, etc. Yep, I'll admit it: I am NOT the mom who wouldn't see the difference between me being my son's blood parent and this imaginary guy not being blood at all.

I also think, speaking only for myself, that I'm comfortable with this decision because I am comfortable with ME and my life. I'm not lonely or by myself. I have friends, family, a good job, good people to work with. My life is full :)

I never dated while I was separated, and I didn't date within the first month of my divorce, but I can't imagine dating a man that soon who has SIX kids! Wow.

I think the day my son goes to college I will be a hot mess and wouldn't be able to think about anything else, much less some boyfriend lolol.

You're a good friend, AND patient.

Patient as in understanding, not "patient" like you're in a hospital haha

I couldn't agree more. When my parents divorced I was 17, and my mom immediately started dating anything in pants. Kind of embarrasing. And I met almost all of them. Ugh! I felt kind of sorry for her. She seemed so desperate to latch on to someone else. She readily admits she doesn't like being alone and always thought she needed a man to feel whole. Thank God I'm not like that! Many of her "boyfriends" tried to buy off my brother and I with gifts and outings. It just felt weird. Like they were trying too hard. And the relationships never lasted that long. After a year or so they were gone. Now the last one I didn't meet for a while. They dated 7 years and then finally moved in together then got married. He's turned out to be a great stepdad. I was actually married and out of the house before he moved in (again, thank God), but my brother was still living there, and he was a much-needed positive male role model for my brother as our father was basically MIA after he left us. My point is that it was years before he became a regular part of our family. That was important. It gave us the distance to grow up without some guy trying to insert himself into our lives as a father figure. I personally would not have taken too kindly to some man moving into our home and trying to lay down the law with me. Kids need their parents, either together or separate, but it seems to me from my experience, as well as those I have observed with friends/family, that bringing a new person into the mix as a parent figure just messes the kids up.

I know this anger. My wife left me in July. Introduced me to her new boyfriend that weekend. Had our daughter over at his place. My daughter is not even 2 and does not understand what is going on. I take care of her 5 nights out of the week, and on the two nights she sees her mother, she fights to stay with me and not go. When she comes back, she runs to me and tells her mother to go. I think that having the new boyfriend around is seriously damaging my wife's relationship with her daughter.