As the one who filed, so far I have zero regrets about doing so. The difference with me maybe is that it's something I was considering for years and years. Maybe because he's so emotionally unavailable too, and I'm so emotionally available, that the realization of the difference has caused me to want to stop all communication, including small talk. I'd been "talking to the hand" for so long that I stopped. Even when I found our cat dead at the side of the road, I didn't share my feelings with stbx. He's been outside of my support group for so long that I don't think to ever reach out. For those who felt their marriage was (reasonably) happily sailing along, I'm sure they have vastly different feelings and find it harder to not want to reach out.

Similar to jojored, my marriage was dead for a long time before we separated. Three years ago when my mom was dying, and when she did pass, my husband gave me minimal emotional support. He was simply not capable of doing it. I decided instead of resenting him for this and all the other emotional ups and downs that come with life, I needed to start taking steps to get out. We still share two kids and I try to keep communication about them and our cat going. But, again, his emotional unavailability often get in the way. It's hard being alone, but I don't experience the same kind of weight I did when I was struggling daily with how sad, lonely and angry I felt in the marriage.

My ex emotionally checked out 12 years Before he
actually left. I do kick myself, i did not leave then
And there and save myself more Emotional pain
by staying with someone Who wanted out and
was Not interested in being a Good man or husband,
It only got worse and worse not ever better. HUGS

The ex took a temp job overseas in 97. Our daughter was out of HS and we didn't want her to have a bunch of student loans. I didn't know those temp jobs would last ten years. I worked two jobs to pay for 2 years at the local college.

He got careless and the phone calls started from China, the Philippines and Trinidad. I found other horrible things he was into. It wasn't easy to make the decision to divorce. When the ex was served at the airport he didn't want a divorce but he had another wife in China a child he left in the Philippines.

I'm almost ten years divorced and four years from the last court hearing. My life is good without him in it.

I left after 8-1/2 years. I tried to have a reasonable relationship with my ex due to 3 children being involved in the breakup. She did nothing to try and make our separation amicable, in fact, she did the opposite. For over 30 yrs. she would not speak to me when she would meet me in the hall of a local nursing home. When our son was killed in a car accident, the only words said to me were derogatory and harsh. Not until the day before she died, did she even act as though there was nothing hostile in her feelings towards me.

Usually its the familiarity you miss. I went thru the same thing. Then when I had to see hi for some reason I quickly remembered why we are apart. Time will change that feeling and developing new friendships and people to share with helps.

I left after 17 yrs, realising he'd wanted me gone for about 15 of them but had just decided I was a useful so he would just live his life and do whatever he wanted, and I'd just be the housekeeper...

He could still probably have convinced me to stay but he was very careful not to do or say anything that could jeopardise my leaving. He had in May told me he was leaving and I'd grovelled and 'turned him around'... by basically promising to be whatever it was he wanted. that was foolishness on my part and I've learned was codependency. He wanted to maintain a status quo where I starved to death.

By september I was so close to suicide I realised I could not continue as the doormat, because I would kill myself. I knew it had to end. Better to live on your feet than die on your knees. When we broke up I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him for more than 1/2 hr together. I couldn't take it. Anxiety was through the roof. Sheer panic. But that calmed down with me being able to get away and find some kind of peace inside myself.

We still communicate here and there. He will send me photos of what my cat's up to. It's taken 7 yrs to get to this point. We can share a conversation and a cuppa when we bang into each other, but don't seek each other out at all. And with the kids getting older, I imagine that whatever relationship we have will fizzle away entirely.