Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I began posting here back in Janurary. My wife of 6 years, partner for 11 mother of my 2 kids, not only began sending nude photos to other men online but also an affair with her boss. I suspect others but will likely never know the full extent. She left me for the other guy. We lost our apartment, th only home my kids ever knew, at the time 9 and 7. She moved in part way with this guy and lived with him for 8 months. Well their relationship fell apart and she's trying to come back. Said it was a stupid miatake. To which i replied yea, but its not the stupidity that killed me, its the emotional apathy. She didnt give a fuck how badly it hurt me or our kids. I told myself if she ever came back to fuck off but when precisely that opportunity presented itself I told her that i deserved better, but i would give her a chance. Its been a month and she asked me if we could get a new apartment together. Its way too soon for me, but a house with am incredibly low rent for our area just became available in the kids old school district, where my oldest her his friends and autistic youngest has his detailed IEP perfectly met. Im in limbo. I was so in love with her for years and she fucked everything up. I see her as a trophy: beautiful on the outside but hollow and made of crappy materials on the inside. I feel like I can't be happy. Either try to persue a meaningful relationship i deserve but lose my kids half the time, or be there everyday for my kids but live with this person who i still inexplicably have feelings for but don't love. Love for me used to be everything and my kids are my world. This seperation has turned their worlds upside down and my oldest has an anxiety disorder after it happened. There are more fucked up details, but I'm not even getting into them all. Do i give my kids up or try to make it work with an emotionally manipulating narcissist who i could throw further than i trust? I cant be truly happy. My family has been destroyed and so has my image of it in my head. Im trying to make things work but this shit keeps coming up. 2 weeks ago i said i was in this and really trying but i look at her and my stomach turns. Meanwhile i see no other clear path to waking up with my own kids every day..i was so hurt and emotially traumatized dor all these months. I just wanted my family back amd now i almost have it and am womdering if i evem want her back anymore. Not really. But the cost of losing my kids half the time sems too high. And they deserve to have their dad daily, i always put them first. They're part of my identity. What am i to do?
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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We all have 24 hours in a day. How we spend these hours is important. Watching a little bit of a video about how sitting affects us made me aware of how much sitting and laying down I do. Gonna have to work on that.Your turn. Tell me another truth.
Before you think I am killing you with ill news. I can tell you from a childs perspective this the best thing and I wished my Mother would've done this. She did her best but like you your making the best of everything. 1) Maker yourself number one priority. Taken extra care of yourself so you have the strength to be there for your babies. It's like the saying goes on a plane crash for the parent to put the oxygen on first before the child so that they can tend to the child. It will give them a stable parent which the really need. One stable parent is better than no stable parent. 2) Find a good therapist. It may take a while to find a good match for you, but it'll help with the trauma and believe I don't doubt you for a second. 3) Find a way to take some time just you and the kids, get a way for a bit. To the park whatever. But I promise you when they are older they will look back and thank you for trying to make a difference. 4) Let her fall on her face. Let her fall and fall and fall again. She will either learn how to make amends or she will screw up her life and relationship with her kids. Just let her do it to herself. Don't interfere. God help me I know how fucking impossible that may sound. But if you can find away to bury yourself in your own improvement and being there for your kids.Do it. Whatever you kind find to self soothe in a healthy way and then soother your kids. Talk to them. If you don't have the answers just say I don't know, but I love you and I am here.
Coming from a broken home and two failed marriages I really hope this helps you out.
Take care friend you and your children deserve it. My heart is so with you and you have my support. Anything I can think of that will help you find a better and easier way through this I will.
Take Care! :)
Everyone makes mistake but magnitude comes in all size and in this case, it would have felt especially big for you as you were personally/emotionally involved with her . But having said that, emotions really tends to blur rational thinking and overall picture of things so when making important decision, its better to cut off emotions and try to see it for what it is.
Like what I said above, you and your partner need to find out what caused her to behave in such way and if that cause has something to do with her relationship with you and that issue cannot be resolved in a way both party are content with (needs/wants not being met ?) then I believe getting back together is not a good idea, not even for kids as there won't be sense of peace and stability within the family the kids need. Or if separation/divorce is something you cannot do but also cannot work out the issue, then maybe try letting go of emotional part of your relationship (drop any expectation you have of her) and be more platonic so at least on surface, it looks like you guys are getting along (for the kids, play the character).
Your partner not feeling remorse or guilt over what she has done is bit of a worry too as it may mean there is likely chance that this will happen again.
you also mentioned your kids are your world and your identity. your support, care, consideration and sacrifice means lot to your kids and I am sure they really appreciate you as a father but I think you are too reliant on your kids in emotional/psychological sense. Kids change as they grow and as they form new ideas and gain new experience, their views/personality will change over time. It feels like you are attached to something that is constantly changing. You need to be able to stand on your own and have your own identity, its healthier both for you and your kids. Be supportive and caring but make sure that this love does not put forceful constraint on yourself or your kids that can makes things miserable
Just ignore the damn house. there are more houses. And you're rushing things.
Letting her back in will just cause you and your children to go through the entire ordeal all over again when something shiny catches her fancy. Do you want the trophy or some sanity in your life? Do you enjoy getting your victim card punched repeatedly? If not, man up and make a good decision for you and your kids before this gets to be a cycle.