I would say just tell the truth , if you still love her say so , if your angry say so ( calmly) if your hurt say so to her and follow your gut . Her responses will shape , and mold your thinking. If it's in a good way then good if it is in a bad way you will no. Leave nothing unsaid . Open communication for just the reasons to get your emotions out and tell her what you are feeling is enough. If she continues to walk away from you , you will know you did all you can and you can start slowly moving on with your life. Since we can't make people love us ( free will) the best thing you can do is say what you want and hear and listen towhat she says .this way , you will find out weather there really is a chance or not. It's a process. My husband told me two months ago after 23 years that he wants to do his own thing, I was devastated to say the least but in the two months ( we are living together till the divorce is final) I have said my peace and told him calmly ( as angry as I am) that I felt betrayed, hurt, angry and he heard it all, he just said he wants to move on . I see that clearly after everything I said to him there is no sign of him wanting to stay . Now I am at a point where I am moving forward with my life and just waiting on this divorce, it helped me to say everything I needed to say. To know that I was a good wife and I did my best not to get back together but to try to see if he wanted to . But there was nothing. I think you have to put all in and see what happens . You will find out. I hope this helped you somehow.

Thank you sakuraowl...

Truth is I have been pouring my heart out for months, through love, through anger, through pain, Ive poured my heart, begged her to come back ( not my best moments ) Its been the same results everytime... Weather she is silent or vocal, her message has been clear, but I can't seem to let go. I have never loved someone so much in my life and I feel helpless in watching her move on.

I am so sorry you are in so much pain over this, but as some of the helpful people have said on this thread, I think you have to let her go. She wants to leave. You have to let her go.

Don't be afraid to vent all of your conflicting and overwhelming emotions to your friends, your therapist, your journal and your creative work, though, because those are the best outlets for all of those emotions.

If you still love her, dedicate yourself to a creative project that represents her and take advantage of the free time you now have now that she's not in your life to work on this creative project. I finished my novel and poetry collection based on material from my last breakup in the burst of free time after it happened. The breakup almost seems worth it as a result.

Yes you should still show love. All the other ploys are teenager-ish and dysfunctional. They can't create long lasting connection. Check into Mort Fertel. Very helpful for repairing this or being ready for your next love should this not work out.

I ended. 6 year marriage after being emotionally neglected for most of the marriage, initially the time apart I I was just relieved to be out of the hurtful situation. My husband begged me to stay and promised he would get counseling and change. However by that time I was just tired and had had enough.

After about 6 months I wished I had stayed and tried or at least separated and lived apart and not made the divorce final. The time away gave me a chance to look back and see my part in our issues but by then it was too late for him.

If you could just give her space for a few months and not push her it might help. She needs to figure out if divorce is really what she wants but she needs time to process her feelings.

Having said that she may still want a divorce but you won't know until she gets the time she needs to think.

Thank you GFB...

Truth is, its been a while now, she moved out in April, and I admittedly haven't handle it well. I did a lot of begging and crying, I still cry just not to hear really anymore. Ive tried to go cold, ive flat our told her to please just consider me dead, I can't talk to her and be pals... She still doesn't respect my feelings and reaches out occasionally, but its never about us, just general BS. I have been able to go days even a week or so without saying anything, but I always seem to cave, something reminds me, something happens or my kids say something that just sparks sadness, and I fight to urge to reach out to her. 3 days ago I failed again... a simple text..." I Miss you" I knew I shouldn't have sent it but I did. She didn't respond, which is typical of her. Ive prayed for a miracle, but its unlikely. I know I have to figure out away to move on... I can't seem to, she is all I think about.

She's told you it's over. Six months later, is texting her that you miss her, respecting her feelings?



"I know I have to figure out away to move on... I can't seem to, she is all I think about."

You've said it right there. You won't move on until you stop thinking of her.

The way to do that is to force yourself to think of other things.

At first, when I thought of my ex, I would force myself to think of something else for 5 minutes. Then I'd reward myself...even if I failed...just for the effort.

When I could force myself to think of something else for an hour, I started only giving myself a few set times a day to think of him, vent, etc, etc.

My point is that thinking of her is a habit and it's going to take time and work to break. If you can't do it on your own, I strongly recommend counseling. They've worked with many people and learned many tricks that can help.

Or you can be the guy who's still in love with his ex a year from now, then 5 years, then 10... There's nothing "wrong" with that, but it's probably not the happiest way to live your life....

Nor is it the most respectful of her feelings...

I wish you the BEST,
I KNOW it's not easy,

Patti

@ESL, I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know a lot about your situation, only what you have wrote in this thread so I thought maybe it would be helpful to have a completely neutral point of view.

I know your not going to want to hear it but it sounds like she has moved on. It seems painfully obvious to me that she is well aware of how you feel about her and doesn't return those feelings. You are not going to win her back by telling her you love her or miss her one more time. The only chance you have is to focus on yourself and moving on, maybe if you can do that she will eventually see what she had. It's a long shot but at least you will be in a better place then if you keep holding out hope that she will just wake up one morning and decide she does love you and wants to be with you.

Please for your own good/health admit to yourself that it is over, stop fantasizing that she will text you back saying she misses you too and wants you back, its not going to happen.

Have you had any kind of closure with her? Maybe you can ask her to talk with you one last time and tell her you need her to be brutally honest with you. Ask her, do you love or miss me at all, have you already found someone else, let her know you need to hear her say she doesn't love you or want to get back together in order for you to move on. Until you squash that hope you will not be able to begin to heal and find someone who does love you in return.

I know how much this hurts, its easier at times to be in denial then accept the fact that someone you love doesn't love you back but again me being on the outside and just reading what you have wrote about her actions it is obvious that she isn't interested in anything more then a friendship and until you are over her you need to not kid yourself that you can just be friends with her.

Well... Its been almost 2 weeks since I told her to consider me dead to her... I asked to not speak unless there is an emergency with the kids, and had our schedule altered with the kids so our nanny transfer them back and forth rather then her and I so I don't have to see her...., She has continued to try to be pals, ive ignored her at times and others responded when it pertained to the kids. I have been angry and disgusted by her, but still find myself sad and crying at times. Its been extremely hard for me to do this, but my focus is to do this for me now. She is only a source of pain at this point. Im not sure what he reasoning is to keep talking to me on occasion about things.... She heard I have a job interview this week, she texted me offering to look over my resume? I didn't respond.... I heard through the nanny that she thinks I lost my job... typical of her to think the worst of me... I have a job, a secure one, my interview is for a new position for more money to advance my career, not a job I need, just one im considering. She offered to look over my resume but not ask anything about the interview or why.... She also tried to scold me for a rash our daughter has, asking me to use different soap as she is convinced its the soap I use... she said I should use Johnson and Johnson.... Funny thing is, I already am using that. yet she wants to point the finger at me... This has been her mind set for over a year now, rather then look with in her own actions, she would rather just look at me as something negative... I don't need this in my life, and if it wasn't for the kids I would have changed my number. Its been a struggle.. but I am trying hard... I still have strong feelings for her, im confused as to why or how I could feel this way about someone treating me so poor.... Just had to vent...Thank you for listening.

Sounds like progress. I know it's hard. I cried for 3 solid months. I felt bad about that, but when I joined I knew others that cried for 6. Sometimes it's easy to look back and think that I got over it in an instant, but I didn't.

Sounds like you're getting into the anger stage. I remember just wanting to kill my ex. It too will pass, but it helped tremendously in getting over him.

Vent away!
Patti

ESL12....two years have passed now for me
i am in a very happy strong relationship and believe in our future

But still struggle every day.....and carry hatred for my Ex and her cruelty and betrayal

But I have not cried for a while

Eventually you will let go and focus on building a new life

But GRIEF is a long and complicated process.....and a very dirty one when you still have to deal with your EX , as we do, who is NOT the woman she used to be.
that person is gone........ Sometimes people change.....especially mid life or around menopause