wow, that is really horrible. Go to a therapist and try to put together a plan that is good for you and the kids. Hugs and stay strong.

I wish I could hug her she has shut down on us but we can't afford her to move out so it's like I walk around on egg shells. I have been working with a therapist to work on me cause that's what I can fix.

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this, I know this pain- unfortunately- and it’s tough. I believe you do ALL you can do, authentically, and that’s actually all you can do. I have been in a similar situation as you, my wife shut down, looking back now- I think she had made her decision long ago and just strung me along until her plans worked out better for her. As angry and hurt as I am- I also know you can’t control others. You can influence them by your choices and actions, but truly, that’s all.
You’re confused because it’s confusing! It doesn’t make sense- because... well, it doesn’t make any sense. Those are real feeling and emotions and it’s ok to feel that way. Again- I’m very sorry for what you’re going through and having to attempt to deal with.
There are some GREAT people on this site, and reaching out and working with a therapist are both excellent steps. Feel free to message me, happy to listen anytime. It’s important to not bottle it all up- be as strong as possible and always as real as possible. Good luck friend!

So I have been just trying to be nice to my wife even though I'm invisible to her lately. I have spent as much time with the kids that I possible to reassure them that daddy is here for them!

I am very sorry for what you are going through. I'm going to tell you the truth... She is cheating on you. It sucks, I've been there. This is a sadly common scenario. Stop being nice to her, focus on you and your kids. Find a good lawyer and start the conversation (with the lawyer) about divorce and what are all the details to work out. Best wishes to you.

So I got an I love u out of my wife that has been sleeping on couch? So now I am so confused what do I do?

focus on yourself, focus on your pain and healing.
start a journal you need to get your feelings on paper, do not ignore your pain or any other emotion.
Keep yourself healthy then your children. Your wife is a grow adult and can take care of herself.
Remember you are not her parent do not attempt to fix her in anyway.
just a side note ii is not uncommon for a spouse to feel trapped, want out, pain about life, thing the grass is greener else where.
If you truly love your wife, love her in a way you are not afraid to lose her, provide her with the support she wants, when she ask for it. But remember your own boundaries and remember to respect yourself in all support.
Your goals fro yourself are just as important as your goals for your family and your spirit.
Keep coming back for support

Thank you all for the guidance . I just struggling cause she sounds like she wants to work on herself before we work on us? I have started going back to our church and I have been reading at night to try and take mind else where. Also she has done this one year after we married in 2012 do it's odd?

Yes she needs to work on herself before anyone else, just as you do.
Do love yourself? do you care for yourself? would you want to be your BF?
IF not fix it, fix yourself - grow, be the best version of yourself that you can be, change your way of thinking if you have too.
Take a personnel inventory of your own acts and feelings, we are nowhere near perfect, only god is. You can make yourself better for yourself.
write down how you feel and then read it out loud as if your BF was saying it to you, then give that part advice, hear it, love it and care for it. Then thank it for sharing its pain.
learn who you are.

So I'm struggling with the whole love your self thing? I mean I love my kids still love my wife though I can't stand sight of her right now cause it feels like she pulls and twists my heart Everytime I see her. What do u mean to love yourself?

I'm sorry this is happening right now. I would not assume any evil intent on her part, like cheating unless you have evidence or confession of it. Maybe this is like a midlife crisis for her. Is she willing to go to counseling?

Make sure that you are taking care of you, physical and emotional health. Since your wife needs to find herself, then your kids will need you to show them stability.

I hope you can get some peace.

So quick update the wife is supposable back on her mood meds. Her and the kids are moving out this weekend to a house across town. I have been seeing a counceler once a week since I got the news in July. I am also dealing with some meds changes cause of a deployment. So might take little bit. I have a little OCD and she says it drives her crazy now. Also she is starting a new business so has a lot on her plate also and kids start school next week.