So sorry for you difficult time. Hang in there, it will get better. The cheating is such a hard thing to come to terms with. Sounds like you are doing the right things with support, exercise, etc. It is just going to hurt for awhile, but I know it will get better with time.

Everyone always thinks the grass smeels better over on someone elses lawn, but they soon find that they will also have weeds in their grass and that it doesnt stay green through all the seasons.

It doesnt negate how you feel or what you are going through. I am really sorry this happened. Whether it was 23 years, 10 years, 3 years or even several months, when someone cheats and you know it (or they throw it in your face intentionally), it hurts. 23 years, thats half a lifetime so to be able to get used to a new day, a new routine, all the while knowing what she did and is doing, can certainly feel like you are being killed slowly.

Stay strong, remember to keep your head high and eyes forward. You are going to get thru this.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Another life imploded thanks to selfishness and infidelity. I am often reminded of a movie quote where the lead character describes her feelings after divorce...
"Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You shouldn't have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn't know."

In this beginning phase, it is hard to imagine getting through to the next day. It is extremely surprising it doesn't kill you, the pain it causes certainly feels like it should. All you can do is hold on and try to rebuild your foundation. Get a financial plan together. If that includes bankruptcy then so be it. Pride no longer holds me back from fighting for my life. Keep working on you. Sometimes what drives me is the idea that in 6 months of consistent workouts my ex will see me in the best shape of my life. The idea that my revenge will be living a bigger, better, stronger life without him. I want him to see me in a place where I'm happy, kind and looking fantastic. If it even gives him a moment of pause where he says, "what the hell was I thinking?" Then mission accomplished.

Hang on friend and use this board when you need us. We won't cancel due to weather :)

Emotional, I like that quote.

I don't have kids or 23 years, but after 13 years of being cheated on several times I can tell you that it just hurts. It plain sucks and hurts. There are no two ways about it.

People tell me to focus on me and I don't really comprehend what that looks like yet, but I know it is good advice. Live for you and your kids.

OMG...What a terrible and shitty thing she has done to you

Mine did the same

makes no sense...not fair

Sometimes people suddenly change and don't care how they hurt those who they supposedly loved and committed to

thanks for the kind words, love the quote. I do feel so much better talking with others who are going through the same thing (stinks for all of us) but the connection we all have is surreal..
I am happy when I'm with my kids, I just feel so bad for them, there all doing fine, kids are kids, we do things when where together and they never want to leave, they would rather be with me and they tell me that all the time. just the court system is twisted.. so for now there with my stbx, once there a little older I'm sure they will come to live with me.
last night I had my two girls, and the younger one was just sitting at the kitchen table having a snack, I was watching her, she was happy just doing her thing, I was crushed just thinking of what sh'e been through having to deal with all this.
I know there fine and will be, I just need to get over it and keep doing what I'm doing.

I do not know if I agree with the idea that you need to just get over it. I think what happened to you is real and hurtful and you should allow yourself to feel what you're feeling.

My ex wife did the exact same thing, it was 6 months after she moved out I learned the truth and yes Facebook heeled facilitate the whole thing ,,,after we were together 24 years and raised 2 kids...so just know you're not alone. It's a reflection on her character not yours. It's almost been a year now and it does get better. Take care

Sorry you are going through this. Not only does betrayal hurt t the core, it makes you question reality and your own decisions. I'm glad to read you are going to a support group and working out. It's a huge help.

there is a sub group on DS called Divorce after Twenty Years together. You might want to check it out.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/divorceaftertwentyyearstogether

"Sometimes people suddenly change and don't care how they hurt those who they supposedly loved and committed to"

I dont believe people change, I believe they were always like this. regardless of what we knew, they could have done this to whoever was before us.

It is who they are at their core, no one can change in to it, they have to already have it to be able to walk all over people the way they do.

I agree with Chi...

I did believe what Chi says...but part of my accepting the insane world I was thrown into is to hear and believe that my EX was happy for 18 years and then changed in the last year.

That is the only answer that can explain anything

thanks again everyone for the support,
so I just got back from a week away with my kids, my brother and his family and my sister and hers.
we had a wonderful time, so many laughs,(much needed). it was just so good to be around people who care..
and now i'm home and right back to a world of crap!, found out via facebook my stbx went to a party last night, got so drunk and yelling they called the cops and had her arrested !, I didn't believe it so I called to police station and asked if the had a blah blah there and they said she got released this morning.... WTF are you kidding me!, and the lady that had the party tagged her on facebook with all the nasty detail.... horrifying! si I had to called her and say you might not know this but it's all over facebook, I honestly felt bad for her, NOW SHE WANTS TO TALK TO ME......
Asking how are we here, can I come over, i love you....
here's the best, what should I do about the mess i'm in?
that was 4 hours ago, the she just called again to hear my voice??
i talked for a few, then said I have to go...
my head is flipping spinning right now, there is no way I can take this woman back, NO.....
it took her 8 months to relize she screwed up that the grass isn't greener on the other side.... she said we had it all, yes dear we did, and YOU SINGLE HANDILY THREW IT AWAY!
now you can't make the mortgage, and your new party friends threw you out of the circle you want me back.... SERIOUSLY.....
no snow in the forecast support group better be on tomorrow night....
I feel so so bad for my kids, if my 18 year old gets wind of her arrest, he's going to be so so hurt...... my heart bleeds for this mess i'm in,
I could here my girls in the back rounds asking who's that,, and she say's daddy,,,, WTF..... i can see it now, moms nice to you are you getting back together, I am going to be the bad guy....
this is so crazy....

Sounds like her new wonderful life is catching up to her. After my wife dumped me she promptly lost her job she had for 17 years, they obviously got tired of the new her too. She hasn't worked since and that was last August I believe. Not my problem. She texted me to tell me she got bad news about her unemployment. I ignored the text. Again not my problem. She cheated, she wanted out...well enjoy yourself toots. Let her new fling support her ass, my bank account is forever closed to her ass.

Crushedin
OMG I do not know how I would cope

Be VERY cautious and guarded

Believe nothing she says

Protect yourself