Oh heck yeah. My oldest son is a wreck. Hes failing his classes in J.R. high. He wont listen to me most days. Has no drive to even care about himself or friends. And his mouth! what a mouth he has on his face. Definately all of the trauma from the divorce affects kids. I am a child of my mothers three divorces, believe me it can really hurt a kid. If my mom had paid extra attention to me, talked to me openly about things and was careful with how she approached me I think I would have come out of it a lot better.

Yes.

Mine are 21, and 16, and neither respect me. Boy, 16, says you two idiots have been together over 20 years, and you can't figure this shit out?

Queen 21 says... it seems like Daddy is divorcing the whole family, not just you Mom.

WTF?

Do they come to me with this shit? No... they tell Mom, and it's used for fodder against me later.

I know yours are younger Rman, I am not sure what I would do, I think maybe... just take her for a drive, and let her get it out.

My kids are older too, but they're on my side (not that I made them pick one). They just see the comparison of what he's done and what I've done.

They didn't act out in as much as son doesn't really talk to dad unless it's about sports and daughter is always attached to me and hugging me.

Yes they act out even when you try to be civilized. The psyche of a child is so underestimated by the adults. You can be as subtle or you can put them as direct weapons of mass destruction but the fact remains the same. They are also going through a break up and too often, the adults are too selfish in their own misery to pay attention as to how these little adults are being affected.

Your situation is not an ideal one Rman...they see mommy and daddy under the same roof feigning for their sake.....that is stressful for them. You are not fooling them, you are fooling yourself and often, one parent takes the shitty path, they put the children in the middle of it.

So, what to do? Family counseling and either have one happy home or two happy homes. Maybe time to make decisions?

Yes. Both my kids fight for time with me. And I wish like heck that I could give it to them. They see me with stress off the charts and they feel it too.

They love each other but take it out on each other. My son just hits his sister. But she plays mind games with him. Sigh.

They somehow seem to make it up by bedtime. Thank the heavens they went into this loving each other as much as they do. Because I'd hate to see what they'd do to each other if they didn't.

Uh, she's 6. 6 year old girls DO that sort of thing you know. Try not to accept the responsibility that if ONLY the marriage had of stayed together, she'd be a perfect little girl.

Kids are going to be kids, divorced, married, or without a prent in their lives at all.

alc find me and pm me please i need to talk

The year my ex left my son started pulling his hair out in school.....and got a noticable bald spot. Enough that the school called me Very concerned.

He's mostly over that now, but still pulls his hair when he's stressed.

And my daughter was almost done with sucking her thumb....and now she sucks it more than ever...at age 7.

But my ex said they were young and 'resilient'....yeah right.

my daughter acted out latest thing she did was get her eyebrow pierced
not a good look for an up and comming prosicuter

Rman, I know what you are going through. Our 11 year old daughter has become so much like me that it's scary. She withdrawals into her self. Our 7 year old son has become so much like his father that it's scary. He just gets very angry very quickly with little or no provacation. I have both of them in counseling. It helps that they can talk to someone outside of the situation. Unfortunately, I can only afford to take them about once a month. The first week or so after counseling is the best week. Then it is three weeks of a withdrawn daughter and angry son. If it is feasible, try counseling. Your health insurane provider should be able to give you a list of therapists. If you have a work/life (eap) plan, they will often cover some sessions for no cost, after that runs out the insurance should pick it up for whatever your specialist copay is. Just know that there are others here who have gone through this. It gets better, big hugs to you and your daughter!!

i don't have kids.. or the answers.. but what i DO know is that i have seen you post more and more about whats really going on and i want to commend you for starting to process all of this. it is very healthy for you, and you help others with this type of discussion.

hats off to you, rman. you're doing it. it may not be easy, or perfect, or totally i control, but you are getting there, and i for one... salute you.

hugs buddy

I am waiting for it to happen. My Bean is the most level-headed, matter-of-fact child I've ever known (that from a 27 year veteran teacher who has seen thousands of kids on a day-to-day basis). It is her strength and clarity that makes me see straight some days. I am keeping a close eye on her, though.

My daughter was 10 when the separation started. She acted out a lot that year. Mostly behaviors that were not the usual for her. It is good to know what is developmentally normal for a child of certain ages, then you can see what is a normal reaction. I took on guilt as a mom for so many actions of my children when they were young. Now I realize that children are children..Divorce is hard on them, but so many things they would do anyway.. I have heard all kinds of things from my children about the divorce..

for what its worth, i was 7 when my parents divorced. yeah i have got a few issues but for the most part i turned out pretty good.

the only advice i will tell you... the one thing that HURT me as my parents went through the divorce, was them talking badly about each other. it really hurt me.

because if i am HALF mom and HALF dad.. and each is saying how horrible the other is.. what does that make me?

i wish they had been able to say good things about the other. i think that would have helped me a lot.

peace

I say good things about my children's father all the time, but it doesn't change all of the things that they have to go through because of the divorce....