You did nothing to "make" him cheat. That was a choice he made all on his own. If there was something about you that he didn't like or if his feelings for you were changing, he should have talked to you about it. You're worried about being a "good woman" for HIM? HA! He's not good enough for YOU! You can't believe a thing this man says or does now. You deserve far better than that. Have you thought about going into counseling? That has helped me a LOT.

Crazy literally just sought out a counselor that would speak to us via Skype.... I'm just so hurt and feel dumb so betrayed I love him and I want to hate him you know

Well coming from two divorces and two cheaters, I'm not gonna say dump him, but what I am going to say is, do in your heart what you feel is right. And don't think you have to make this decision over night, this hurts, it's horrible what has happened to you, and I understand what you mean by some people won't allow it, I'm one of those people, but yet again I was married to two different men that really were not what I needed. I'm not gonna sit here and bash my ex husbands, because apparently there was something about them that made me marry them, but I didn't know until now that that was low self esteem. I shouldn't have married either one, because I wasn't ready, and I didn't love myself enough to know that, I didn't need to be married, because I was ok with me. It's a process, and yes I did divorce both of them because of cheating, but that's my boundary, everyone's boundaries are different, and you need to decide for yourself what your boundaries are. If you love him and you feel like he was really sorry for cheating and wouldn't do it again, or be transparent and show you how much he really loves you, then what's the harm in trying again? Then again, if your like me, and you could never trust that person again then go, because you will never be able to put it behind you and you will make him miserable trying to get him back for every wrong he did and never let him live it down. Good luck honey, your doing the right thing if your taking your time making this decision, it is your heart afterall, it needs TLC, and your gonna be in a fog for awhile because it is a deep wound, but many have survived it and many will you will too. Just don't forget what's more important is you, focus on you. Take care, I feel for you I been there too.(hugs)

Thank you so much for the kind words I have been journaling and trying to keep my mind clear I'm going to deff take what you said and apply it thank you so much

I don't think I would do couple's counseling now. The relationship is the result of the two people involved in it. If one of those people isn't being honest, the relationship is not going to be good. Couple's counseling won't address the individual issues that resulted in the cheating. I guess my biggest gripe about it is that it gives him a chance to blame you for at least part of what HE did when in reality you are not to blame for any of it.

what do you suggest

I'm sorry you are going through this. I've been cheated on a number of times...while in different relationships. What I learned..was this. A leopard never changes its spots. In other word..once a cheat..always a cheat.

Out of my experience ... I fell in love with this guy who I honest to god loved more than myself and then he cheated on me ... With my best friend ... I not only lost my love but also my best friend and after a horrible year of crying so hard he said he was genuinely sorry ... I only blamed my self for him cheating ... I thought I pushed him to cheat ... So I forgave him and took him back .. I was the happiest for 7 years after that .. I knew I had made the right choice ; thanked God everyday for being back my 'true love' and the day before our anniversary ( which in my heart I knew he would propose ) he broke up with me .. And I found out he was cheating on me .. He is getting married to her now ... As dramatic and crazy as that sounds .. It's my reality and he put me to the place I was 8 years ago ; it hurts the same ... But as crazy as it sounds I think I'm better off... See if you blame your self for someone cheating on u ... U know you have not given your self the value it deserves... Take some time off to find yourself , trust me it's the hardest thing on earth. But I wish I did that long ago . I hope this helps

Jasmine, I would get counseling on my own. When I was married to my first husband, who was a violent abuser, I had finally managed to convince him to go to couple's counseling. I saw it as our last resort and I prayed it would save us. Just as we were leaving for our first appointment though, he backed out and refused to go. I was furious. I didn't know what to do, but I knew that we were going to be charged for the appointment if I cancelled it at the last minute, so I went figuring I would tell the therapist what happened and that would be that and then I'd go home and figure out what the heck I was going to do next. I sat in the parking lot bawling my eyes out, trying to get the courage to go in. Finally, I did and it ended up being the best thing I've ever done. She was very warm and comforting, not judgmental at all. She helped me find the courage to leave him. I ended up staying in therapy with her for two years. What a godsend she was! Eventually, I married stbx, whom she did not like and counseled me not to marry, but I didn't see he was an abuser. He was nothing like my first husband. I was fooled though. Now I am in therapy again with another wonderful therapist who is making a world of difference for me. I have lived a life of abuse. There has barely been a time when someone wasn't using or abusing me. My therapist now can't believe I'm not an alcoholic or a drug addict or severely depressed or suicidal with all I've been through. I really believe my first therapist made all the difference. So my advice is to go into counseling for yourself. Find a good therapist on Psychology Today's website (where I found mine) and GO. Learn what you can, work through your issues (we all have them) and get stronger. You will be glad you did.

My husband cheated and I felt guilty too. But how crazy is that?!! He made a choice to act without integrity, and I feel guilty. His choice has nothing to do with you - he made a choice to treat you badly. That is on him not you. And you deserve better.

The site chumplady.com really helped me get perspective.

Get your own therapist, you need the help,
Not your relationship. Stop beating yourself
Up for his actions and behaviors. That is on
him not you

If they dont respect you they dont love you and if
They respected you they would not have cheated.

Love yourself more. HUGS

I know exactly where you are coming from. My boyfriend cheating on me and everyone told me I would he stupid to take him back, but it's so hard when you are in that situation. I forgave him and we had an amazing relationship and we both forgot about it. I am so happy I forgave him.
I think you need to take some time to think, it wasn't your fault at all, I thought the same thing. Sometimes people do stupid things that they didn't mean that doesn't mean to say cheating is acceptable because it isn't. But when you love someone no matter what they do, you will always forgive them.
So I think you need to think about what you want and if the relationship if worth it!

Lots of love xxxxxx

Thank you guys so much I had a rough day yesterday but stayed busy I hate that the sadness comes in waves that I feel I can't shake and then I'm just down... I'm deff going to do therapy and hopefully that helps as well I truly appreciate all the advice and shared experiences it opens my eye a bit

It will come and go for awhile. But a therapist you can talk to is wonderful. Having it reinforced that it was not your fault and they are the ones with the issues really helps. Don't let him tell you it had anything to do with you. Cheating is being a coward. He should have to you if he was unhappy so you could work on things together.