Hello, I understand how you're feeling. My husband told me the same a month ago. I don't have much advice but I'm here just to talk or vent if you need it

Time to harden your emotions. Get tested for STDs, hire a lawyer, assess your options.

It's going to be a bumpy ride. Be prepared for the likelihood that she is having an affair. Do not move out of the house.

Also, do not appear needy to her. So suck it up as best you can. Like I said, steel yourself for what is to come. You do not have the whole story yet.

I wish I could be more help. I only have experience wanting to get away from abusive men who want to hurt me more. I can, however, recall when my feelings of love for them were being ground into the dirt by them and they sneered at my pain. Everything hurts then because it seems as if everywhere you look you see happy couples and happy families. The only thing I can advise you to do is get yourself into counseling immediately. I found a great one on Psychology Today's website. They gave a registry of counsellors in your area and you can see their profiles, what they charge, what insurance they take, their expertise, etc. Go by yourself, not with her. You need support right now. Counseling has made a huge difference for me. When I first went to my therapist's office four months ago, I was a blubbering mess. I used up all her Kleenex in one session. Now I am much stronger. I still have a ways to go, but the word "divorce" doesn't give me instant nausea anymore.

I'm sorry that you are in emotional pain. You can't make anyone love you. You can give it all the last tries that you want, but in the end she has to want to try.

I'm in the same situation. 25 years together and 4 kids. Found out 2 months ago she was seeing a boyfriend fRom her past. Best thing to do is communication and ask God for direction. If she's open minded and willing to work on it there's a program called Marriage Fitness. Look it up. He'll send you a positive message every day.

I'm sorry for your pain. :-(

I had a similar experience in 2010 when I found out my wife of then 23 years was debating leaving me. In my case I was the unconnective one and this was my two-by-four to the head moment. Because I was facing potential divorce I really looked at a lot of things. Hopefully some of what I share here will help.

First thing I would advise is begin a journal to record what happens over the next while. This will serve two functions. First it will record everything so if you do end up in a divorce you can draw on specifics. The second purpose is more meaningful for you. It will help you sort through your emotions and reflect upon how you're thinking and feeling as you record things. I can't tell you how therapeutic this truly is. I still journal now 6 years later as a regular (though not daily) practice.

As far as your current relationship crisis is concerned, while it is common to feel blind sided, these things never "just happen." There is always an emotional build up to the point where one partner has had enough. Sadly it is often the partner wanting to break up who has not had emotional needs met by their partner, and an important first step to healing the relationship (if possible) is opening communication to discover this.

So what I would advise as a next step instead of trying to stop what's happening, is do the following:

Go to your partner and say "I know if things have reached the point they have that I must in some big way be letting you down as a partner and failing to meet your needs. Is there anything you haven't shared with me that I'm doing or failing to do that has hurt you to the point where you want to end things?"

Then shut up and listen. You may find she opens up. It might be an angry opening up. It is important not to become defensive. Just listen. And hear her.

I can't promise you anything but if you do this and things shift, let me know and we can talk about next steps.

Hope this helps.

Kel Good
Relationship Consultant
www.relationshipoptions.ca

I have just come thru 2 years since the day my husband of 14 years told me that he no longer loved me and hadn't for a long time. He had been involved in a long term affair and was leaving me.

I was blindsided - he was a very good actor. But in hindsight all the clues were there.

I Too dreaded telling my kids. It was the worst experience of my like. Nothing can prepare you for it. Dividing the holidays is a kind of torture. Still. And I think it will always be.

But, my kids have survived. They are relaxed, happy, resilient. It will suck, but you will all get thru it.

Try councelling. She loved you once you've got to get back there don't lose hope

Thank you all for your advice. I start counseling tomorrow. As of right now things are going ok. She is still working through her emotions and im going to focus on making a better me. So ill be better prepared for whatever may come, good or bad.

That's great news! I like what you said about preparing yourself for whatever may come. That's exactly what you need to do right now.

I hate that phrase -- I fell out of love with you. It's a cop out. She has something going on and would rather leave than deal with her issues. Argh!! You sound like. A wonderful man and deserve a woman who appreciates you!!