I like to shop, but reasonably.

I don't know, I guess it dosn't sound fair when someone is working and paying bills, and the other is just spending on herself. We pooled our money together made sure the budgeting and bills were paid, then split the left over, and it was up to us what we did with it. But we both made sure the bills and things were covered 1st, I overspent everynow and then and so did he, but I think everyone does...I don't know, I just know the way it worked with us.

As a woman... no you were not wrong to be upset. In a healthy relationship there should be communication about where the money goes and you should have similar goals. If and only if there is money left after the bills are paid and all other responsiblities are met, then you BOTH get recreational money.

Rman,

Seriously, I think that maybe 20% of her check should have gone to shopping, 10% to providing you with adequate tacos to get through the day, and the rest in the bank.

My wife has one weakness. Shoes. Other than that, she's very frugal with money. I built her a 13 level shoe rack, which holds 6 pair each, and she has it filled to the gills, and says she needs MORE. Since she brings in a paycheck, I tell her basically to do whatever she wants, although we have agreed to consult each other on major purchases (usually $500 or more)

I do think you need to have balance and agreement where money is concerned.

There is a big difference between liking to shop and being a compusive shopper.

My ex is/was a compulsive shopper. One who lied to me about her spending. Or bought things she couldn't afford just to take them back a few days later after coming down off the high.

I don't know if it can ruin a marriage, but it sure as hell hurt mine.

Did she have ADD? Impulsive shopping is a dead give away for us. It's a type of stimulation (excitement) our brains need and it can get out of hand if you are not aware of it and actively work to suppress the impulsivity.

2 points :
1 - My wife would often spend more than she made , but because all of our accounts were joint, and I did the bill payiong, she always said it was up to me to "sort things out".

2 - I used to buy her nice things, especially in the last year, to stay in her good graces (I know , I know) , all those things walked out the door when she left.

Now she is claiming that she barely removed anything from the house and wants thousands more in the settlement.

I can't really say much here. I don't shop... I hate shopping. I bought myself a $12 tank top last night for the gym. Other than that I rarely spend money on clothes... I have exactly 10 pairs of shoes and I rarely wear any of them but my Privos.

My stbx... now that was a man that could shop... clothes, toys, anything he wanted... he bought!

Maybe if I made more money I'd shop more... dunno... I doubt it.

Yes.

My Ex spent 10K one month.

Nothing she bought cost more than 5$

Everything was on sale.

No taco dude.
Women spending all your money is great. Myex had clothes and crap she bought that she never opened. You should have seen the look on the salvation army pick up guys face whenever he came to our house. New kids clothes. womends clothes decorations electronics. You name it that woman would buy it. God I miss that.

I shop like no other, but my bf puts me on a budget. After putting aside money for bills, rent, weekly expenses, savings, etc I can spend whats left on clothes.

My bf and I agreed if we want to spend over $250 on an item (purse, jeans, etc) whether its personal or for the apartment, we'd have to consult the other person and then agree on it mutually. That might help you and your wife.

Lastly, please don't take this the wrong way, you are the man of the house, if her spending is affecting bill payments and what not then I really think you should put your foot down.

Both partners need to have their own money, period, and the other person has no right to comment on how it's spent, provided it's not on drugs, extramarital sex, or something else destructive to the relationship.

My STBX earned over $100K and would routinely spend $300-$400 a month on lunches, and then get pissy if I spent a similar amount on home furnishings and clothing for the three of us. He also wanted to spend $300-$400 a month on dinners out, and flinched at the idea of me having money to buy things like books and candles.

HIS wants were important, mine were not. And even though he asked me to stay home with our daughter, he felt that he deserved more disposable income than I did, because he was "working."

It's all about a mutual budget. My parents had one. Mom and Dad would sit down, discuss needs, wants, etc... Then come up with something fair for all. Both were happy. (Ps. my allowance came out of this weekly discussion as well.)

My ex's family just spent like crazy. If I ever tried talking about sitting down to find an agreeable budget she would freak out.

Some people are either Financially Abusive or on the other end of the spectrum and Financially Controlling. Couples can't be happy unless they find mutuality. No Abuse or control, but an agreed plan.

My STBX and your STBX could go on shopping sprees together. My STBX, who is a man now living as a woman, recently spent $700 on purses.

Hi Athena! ; )

$700 on purses? Doesn't he know where to get a bah-gain?