I am sorry. I hope you have a decent place to stay. My relationship ended quite bad and he kicked me out so it was terrible feeling. It's been while now but re starting takes time. Sending thoughts for you and I can relate to those feelings. It's just trying when times are hard.

Thank you for your response Serenity. I do have a place to stay, my elderly parents are letting me sleep in their spare bedroom that they use for storage. There's no heat in this room and all I've got is a twin size bed, but it's better than living on the streets (which I've done before). I've had breakups before (other previous relationships) and never felt this badly before, but this one involved children. I was helping her raise her two children. I miss them so much. I have 3 sons, but they're older late teens to mid twenties. She has a 12 year old son and a 4 year old daughter. Sadly I am not the biological father of either child and have no rights on being able to see them. :(

Sorry you are going through this. It does take some time to get over a break up and it's a rough road, but you will get there! Have you come to terms with the *why* it ended? Sometimes we get stuck in how it ended and play it over and over in our minds (what could I have done differently, etc), and that could slow down the getting over it process.

I understand her opinion of why it ended, but I don't think it's completely in line with reality. She had a tendency to exaggerate. I still haven't been able to come to terms with it. I'm obsessed with what happened, how I could have changed, how I could change now, if I could get her back, etc. My brain is caught in this loop of desparation.

Of course it’s not easy, I_Can_Change. You have been with her for 4 years. That is a long time and you have settled into regular routines and expectations. The first thing you need to do is accept that life is different. While this relationship is gone, you have freedom to do a lot of things, mainly for yourself. You have to shift your focus, enjoy being alone, have fun. Go to the movies by yourself, take long peaceful walks at the park or mall, enjoy the fresh air, or spend some time at the library and read up on varied subjects. A friend of mine did these and it helped his self-confidence, and developed cheerfulness and a good disposition in life. Eventually people were drawn to him, then friendships came as well as a new relationship. I hope this somehow would work for you and start you off to a new life.

Thank you Coffee maker, I understand what you're saying and it makes sense. I'm still having trouble accepting that it's over. I've never been alone before, i've gone from relationship to relationship from age 17 until my current age of 43. These two months are the longest i've ever been alone. Whenever i'm alone I do nothing but get stuck in my thoughts, cry, and have panic attacks.

That's rough, sorry you are going through this. But, I guess it had to happen at some point in your life, that you might be without a relationship for a little while. At age 43, now would be a great time to reassess your life. Are you happy with your job? Want to go back to school? Like where you live? Hobbies and interests you've been wanting to try? Now it's all about YOU, and maybe you've been afraid of being alone all these years. It will be different... but not scary. Time to find out who you are and what you want in your next relationship. Try to get out of the house as much as possible. I find going outside and out somewhere helps lift spirits.

You can do this, you will be okay.

Thank you for your response Girlin, I have already finished college with a double master's degree and have a job in my field. I got burnt out on my hobbies and haven't found new ones yet. You're absolutely right, I am scared of being alone! I try to go out, but I hate doing things alone and I don't have any friends. ☹

It's not just feeling lost, broken, and missing her. I also miss the kids, I helped raise them for 4 years, they called me "dad" it was their choice to call me that! It feels like I've lost everything, everyone, and all hope.