Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hey Guys,
I am new to this platform and I landed up here only after a lot of contemplation. I tried seeking professional help to get out of this mental trauma but I was unable to open up to my therapist.
I have recently undergone a breakup after 4 years of relationship and it has been 5 months since we spoke to each other. However, nothing has changed eversince. I soak up my pillow every night thinking why did I end up loving someone so much. What hurts is not him not being here but his pretence because towards the end of our relationship he said he did not love me like I did and he infact confessed of not even being in love with me. What hurt me most was that after two and a half years of relationship he moved abroad making promises to always be mine. However, after he settled down he said he wants to marry someone else and not me. I know and I completely respect his decision of not choosing me, he always used to say it is his life, and yeah he does have a choice to marry someone whom he wants to. What hurts most is he left me at my lowest, and that I still am madly in love with him. I do not expect him to do anything for me. I just do not want to feel this way. I am devastated. And I still have tears in my eyes while writing this. My soul is scarred.
I just wanted to let it out. Because it hurts so damn much. It kills me everyday.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I would suggest you go on YouTube and find Dr. Ramani and watch her videos about narcissists. Sounds like this guy fits that pattern.
Now is your opportunity to heal yourself and start to love yourself more. Seems to me his behavior would kill my love. I hope you can meditate on how you dodged a bullet with this guy instead of feeling like your life is ruined. It is a change of attitude and maybe a spark of self love. You matter and you have value and worth but you also have to see it within yourself.
These narcissist types do tend to scar our souls. I know, I divorced one. But now am married to a good guy so there is hope once we start to understand how NOT to attract these users and losers. You matter more than just being the plaything of a dude like this.
His behavior and lies are not about you as you. It is not about you, it about something seriously damaged in him. Please keep writing to us on here and sharing your feelings with us. You can do the journal thing on here and that is good also. Or write a pen to paper journal. Write out your feelings every evening and name them. We have to understand our shame, our guilt, our low self esteem or whatever it is. Name it and heal it. Hugs to you.
Be strong and work on yourself
Find and do things you enjoy
Be glad it's over and you can find someone that loves you
We are here to listen
And to chat
First loves are so powerful. I remember my very first boyfriend and we were engaged and were going to get married and life was great. Then it fell apart and we drifted apart and I never thought I would get over it.
But I did get over it. And you will, too. It takes time. 5 months later is still okay to be feeling crummy. Go on YouTube and search "break ups" and watch some of those videos about how to deal with this and how to move on.
Maybe now you are ready to talk to a new therapist? Get a different therapist this time. They are all different.
Keep posting here. Let us know how you're doing. You're going to be okay. It takes time and it's so hard, I understand.
You two grew up and grew apart and that is a normal thing to happen at your age. We all go through this.
Not at all saying it is easy when it breaks up because it is NOT easy! Not at all! Have you gone on YouTube and looked up "break ups"? There are so many helpful videos on there that you can watch anytime, day or night. They helped me a lot.
If you feel it is really getting in the way of your daily life, talking to a (new) therapist could be so helpful. I talk to my therapist once a week, by phone. I don't even have to leave home to talk to her. And it helps me to have someone that I can tell anything and everything to.
Keep busy, keep being social, go out with your friends, spend time with your family. Enjoy your life!! There will be plenty of time to have a lifelong relationship..... so enjoy your single self now :-)
Focus on you and your health and not him
Find things to keep your mind busy
Sounds like he checked out some time ago so he's in a different place mentally..
Have some fun
Baby steps
One day at a time and the next thing you know a week and then a month has gone by
Its really late here. And I am not in the best shape today. Yeah, I did try the YouTube thing, it is not working. Everyday I see something, and it is so heartbreaking to see him move on so quickly. I do not wish ill of him., I am glad that he did, I am just so so miserable. I can't sleep. I was doing better previous month, but ever since he emailed me slut shaming me, I have felt worse. I just don't know why do people get away with everything. Why only some suffer in love?
I know over time I will be just be used to this, but for now I am not able to cope up. I do not want to talk, I just want to not feel this. I don't want to lose my health. It is all so bad. I can't afford a therapist because I am not able to focus on my career. I am in the worst shape and in the worst condition.
I am not weak, I have seen worse, I have been in relationships earlier, but this one has just broken my inside. I really do not know who I am, what am I , why am I alive. I just feel I am living, and it does not feel good.
Everyday I just feel it is all a dream, and I am going to wake up from it. Nothing feels real at all. I am so numb at heart. I just want to ask him why did he do this to me? Or I probably in the first place never even would have been part of this relationship.
Why did I love him, I just can't take it. I am back to these suicidal thoughts, life is not good, I know I am very selfish to say this, but I can't take it more.
What should I do? How should I do? I want to run very very far away, and never come back or maybe die, or maybe just not be me. I do not even like myself. I hate to exist. I do!
Please please help all of you, or maybe I will be gone.
You're right, some people don't want to talk at first and that's okay
"Anything" won't work right away, time is the key. Time and more time
Listen to some uplifting podcast, find positive things
What do you like to do?
It's hurting now and will make you better having lived through it.
I do suggest that you look into seeing a therapist. Talking of suicide over this one guy is just not the way to go. One guy is not the whole world. You are young, you have so many more relationships that you will have in this lifetime.
Can you talk to friends, or family members? It helps to talk about it to someone. Journaling helps a lot, too. Write it all out. Everything you're feeling.
Think about all the things that you DO have to live for.... I bet you can think of quite a few things to live for. Parents, a pet, a family member you love, your life ahead with career, having children, etc.
Go back on YouTube and check out "No Contact break up". There are videos on there that helped me SO much. About the guy moving on so fast, or if he gets in another relationship.... just so much useful information in these videos. If you like, I can send you links of some of the better videos.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will get over this. I was in the same position.... I had my first love, we were going to get married, he was everything to me..... But it didn't work out. And it was so hard. But years later, I'm so glad we didn't stay together. It's hard to see that when you're in the middle of it.
Most everyone has gone through a tough breakup and it is so hard, but we got through it, just one day at a time, and we are stronger for it. Hardly anyone stays with the first person they get involved with. The first partner is almost like a learning experience.... we learn what we want and don't want, in our future relationships. Lots of us don't even find our forever person until we're about 30 years old. Try to have fun in your 20's. Go out, work, have fun, do whatever your heart's desire.
How are you doing today? We care.
I trusted my husband with my life and I was certain we were meant for each other.
Know one cannot control the mind, thoughts, actions, and choices of others. They have the right to choose how they want to live.
You have chosen to heal yourself after such traumatic relationship but don’t let it take a toll on you.
You are much more brighter and powerful and decent person than opposition.
God and the Universe work together in mysterious ways to carry out a bigger plan than we collectively could ever imagine. Lifereallysucks said it plainly Don’t Give Up The Good Fight!
Getting emotionally hurt hurts but it doesn’t kill you. Being left behind hurts but it doesn’t kill either. You will be at a much better place now that your transgressor is away from you.
There’s so much Hope involved in this case for you and the type of situation is better now then later for you to see and you need to see it for yourself or else you will get stuck in the victimization game and strategy .
I know I might sound like I’m offering tough love but that is what we need from others because women who give and give and give don’t know no limits. You need to set boundaries.
Book an appointment with local community therapist if you can because you will grow and heal and most of the work will be yours to keep and pay it forward.
This is the beauty and magic behind unity and knowing when to help. A healer can heal others in the process too, just so you know.
Much love and appreciation beautiful heart. I know it will all get better for you.
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We are cheering for you
I would also advise finding a different therapist. Sometimes it takes trialing multiple different therapists to find one you really bond with and can open up to - it took me decades to find the one who helped me heal from all of my childhood traumas.
Most importantly, feel those feelings. Let them flow through you. My ex-bf left me almost 3 weeks ago, and I also still cry myself to sleep nearly every night. Those feelings are normal... and yes, very painful. Try to examine the motivations behind those emotions though - At first, I was feeling those feelings because I loved my ex with every fiber of my being. But when I met those feelings head-on, I realized that he never truly loved me, or at least he didn't the last year we were together. So what was I mourning? I am mourning the death of the future I thought we had together.
I know that being told you weren't loved hurts - I've also been told that in the past. It took me a while to shift my mindset from internalizing that (I am unlovable) to the mere fact that he did me a favor - he set me free. Okay, so he didn't love you - that means you have been given the freedom to find that person who WILL and DOES.
It hurts. Absolutely. But it will heal. There will always be a scar, sure, but one day you are going to wake up and realize that "HE lost the break-up."
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