Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband and I have had a wonderful relationship for 9 years. We hardly ever had a harsh word. Several months ago, he suddenly began treating me badly...saying and doing things he has never done before. He accused me of cheating on him. We went to marriage counseling and eventually myself and the therapist were able to convince him that nothing happened. Things were fine for a couple of months, then he started treated me like he absolutely hates my guts. He was constantly nagging at me and telling me what a POS I am. He moved out and refused to communicate other than 1 email telling me he was having issues with his self esteem and that he needed time to work on it with a therapist. Then, I received an email from him a few weeks ago asking for a divorce. He couldn't even be man enough to tell me to my face or over the phone! He won't communicate with me about why he wants a divorce or what is going on with him. I've asked several times if there is 0% chance of reconciliation and he refuses to answer. I get the feeling he is pushing me to be the one to file so that he doesn't have to pay for it (because I earn 4X what he makes).
No one is perfect, but I did almost everything in those 9 years that he asked me to do. If he complained about something, I listened and I worked on it. I paid for almost everything financially. I helped him start his business and fully supported his hobbies and career. I communicated with him. I was kind and compassionate.
I don't understand why this is happening or what I could have done differently. And since he refuses to talk to me, I have no idea what to do!
I do NOT want a divorce! I love him and thought that he was my soulmate! What do I do? Does anyone think it's possible to save my marriage?
I have seen an attorney just to get my rights and protect myself. I am also seeing a therapist and going to a weekly local divorce support group. And of course, I am praying.
No one is perfect, but I did almost everything in those 9 years that he asked me to do. If he complained about something, I listened and I worked on it. I paid for almost everything financially. I helped him start his business and fully supported his hobbies and career. I communicated with him. I was kind and compassionate.
I don't understand why this is happening or what I could have done differently. And since he refuses to talk to me, I have no idea what to do!
I do NOT want a divorce! I love him and thought that he was my soulmate! What do I do? Does anyone think it's possible to save my marriage?
I have seen an attorney just to get my rights and protect myself. I am also seeing a therapist and going to a weekly local divorce support group. And of course, I am praying.
But as much as that hurt I'm glad he emailed me. It let me know I did the right thing when I moved out months before. Its great that you don't need him financially. It helps with moving on.
I think you deserve better. It doesn't sound like you could've done any more or different. It's him. Just protect yourself financially if it comes to divorce. I've been screwed over financially in the past and it sucks.
Unless he wasn't "perfect" to begin with...and, in hindsight, you can small ways, over time, where he demonstrated this behavior but, for whatever reason, like most of us do, you turned a blind eye.
I know the eventual reasons my X and I broke up were things that were there all along, I just didn't see it or admit it.
Get a divorce. He's a grown man, and if his way of behaving maturely is to call you names, then he needs to take it to the playground instead of in a grown up marriage.
Which seems better: Being confident and on your own, or being in a marriage where you're called a POS?
I am supposed to meet with him in 2 days so that he can get his cat and us discuss some financial issues. I'm a nervous wreck about it. I haven't seen him in about 2.5 months and of course not since the divorce email. I am hoping to at least get a few answers to some things.
Some people mentioned mental issues.....he has had extreme anxiety for many years, but no known bi-polar episodes.
I'll post after I meet with him and update everyone on the outcome. Wish me luck! The key is going to be controlling my emotions. I don't want to just sit there and cry the entire time. I want him to see that I'm doing well without him.
Good luck! It's going to be tough, but you can do it!
I texted and texted, called and called, emailed and emailed frantically at first concerned he was hurt laying in some ditch, street or hospital room alone... hurt! I went on Fb to see if family or friends posted anything about him and low and behold his kids remarked about what a great man their father was blab, blab, blab...
I thought I would give him a day or two of space have him miss me.. us.. I once again started the callings leaving message after message...
crying.. shutting down.. how could he not even have the decency to respond at all.. I was that unimportant and that insignificant to him to not respond.. it felt and still does feel horrible ... he would occasionally send me a 3 word text or Fb comment .. I would go back and forth pleading for him to tell me why he left and why wouldn't he come home.. we would come together once every couple weeks have a fabulous night of lovemaking and he would make me all these promises that we would go to counseling, work on things only to get a text message from him day we had counseling session setup that he didn't feel the same way he use to and it wasn't fair to me... I am such a beautiful person... but he would continue the same cycle..
I am a strong Christian and stayed focused and praying that he was raised in church that he would come to the reality that he was not following God's plan the Bible scripture regarding marriage ..
I would ask whyyyy? Why won't you talk to me.. tell me anything? Is there someone else or do you have feelings for someone else..
please, please tell me... see he too started to change 6-12 months before he left.. started being kinds mean.. coming home later and later.. he wasn't man enough or respected me as an human being let alone as his wife to tell #1, that he was leaving, #2, that he was stringing me on till the woman he was having an emotional affair with for past year +was feeling same way for him...
Anyway I found out all this hurtful stuff by doing some detective work and looking through history on computer, phone records etc...
I feel so used and abused by this weak, cold, calloused man..if you feel it in your gut than it probably is so... I just got served divorce papers today.. so sad.. I look at pictures of us and am amazed that he could move on so easily .... hang in there.. just don't hang yourself out there to be hurt by his selfish ways and lack of compassion.!
I agree with others, there is probably someone else in the wings. I have been there. All too familiar scenario.
Hugs!