Hello. This is my first post here so apologies for the length. About two weeks ago I was blindsided by the sudden end of a 2yr 8mo relationship.

My partner was dealing with a lot of stress at work and some health scares. And I thought I was giving her the support she needed. I was offering to help with errands, going with her to doctor appointments. I asked what I could do to be supportive. All she ever said was that she wanted to be able to vent and for me to listen. So that's what I did.

Outsideof COVID/lockdown stress and the work and health worries, I thought we were OK. For me our future was as it ever was. We loved each other and wanted this for the long term. She had become a little distant recently, but again, I chalked it up to the things she was going through.

While this was going on, I was struggling with loneliness. I was laid off in June, and my human interactions had become limited to my partner, our shared friends who she saw more than me, and a handful of online chats with other friends.

I had been saying generally that I felt lonely. And when I said as much directly to my partner it became a fight, she cancelled our weekend plans (resulting in me being alone that weekend) and broke up with me that Sunday.

I honestly can't recall why it became such a big fight, but she said many things I had never heard from her before about us, including that she "had to take care of me more than any other partner," which shocked me. I had only every felt or been given the impression that everything was mutual and needs were being met.

She said she had been unhappy for a while, had talked to her friends, and mother about it, and was done. But It was the first time I heard anything like that. She had talks with everyone but me. She also hadn't been acting like she was unhappy that long.

She said our occasional fights should have been the red flags that told me, and essentially that me not seeing them as such meant I was ignoring the problem. She said she loved me so much, hoped we'd eventually be friends, but that she wasn't willing to work on the problems I had just learned about. That it was too late.

She also said that I shouldn't do anything differently and still hang out with the same people, etc. which is just kind of ridiculous. Our friend group was more her circle than mine, and with her and I not together it's very unlikely they'd be interested in spending time with just me (they didn't reach out to just me even when we were together). 

In the end, I've lost her and a decent sized social circle, while all she's lost is me. I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel helpless. I feel like I had zero opportunity to work with her on anything because I was just expected to know something was wrong and things were very very bad without ever being told. When we had arguments over things, we'd be back to normal the next day and it wouldn't come up again until usually the next argument, related or not. And she wouldn't say anything until then. Then things would be back to normal just like the last time.

I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get from posting any of this. I lost someone I loved deeply and who saw me for who I was and it's been really hard to deal with. I'm talking with my therapist at last three times a week at this point, and it's as devastating as it was on day 1. I found out that the relationship I thought was the one, was anything but, and there's absolutely nothing I can do or try to address it.