Yes, been there doing that.

But it's my choice. I have more control of our assets this way. He will pay for my children's education until they graduate.

I can't control his behavior but he will damn well pay for my kids!

Do both parties know it's over? Or will it be a surprise to him when you leave somewhere down the line?

From a financial point of view, you can ascertain the positive and negative effects of the divorce and go from there.

However, with children, it is a tough call. Depending on their ages, they can sense the discontent. Every situation is different and you know your children.

Yes

And yes Lily, mine was emotionally dead long before I left. I stayed for finances.

Yes did it for 15 years.

It shouldn't be a surprise to him. I have been pretty clear that I think a divorce is inevitable. I have not specifically given him a timeline. He suggested to me a few months ago that we should stay married because of the kids.

I have been seeing a marriage counselor by myself and she suggested staying married for a few more years as a temporary solution. Knowing my situation, it makes sense to wait a couple years. However, it feels a little creepy.

Then it becomes can you tolerate the current situation? Is the current situation harmful to the kids in any way? (i.e. are they seeing the two of you fighting? are you being a poor relationship role model?)

Like, STM, I'm doing that now, too. I haven't decided to divorce yet but my husband keeps telling me our marriage is over and of course, he blames me. It's financially impossible for us to live separately right now, though that would alleviate a world of stress. It's not a great situation but we don't have any choice. I wish you the best in figuring yours out.

This sounds like my bro-in-law.

He can't stand his wife any more after 20 years but refuses to end their marriage because he refuses to give up 50% of his assets.

He would just prefer to remain unhappy most of the time.

Yes, i did, i stayed because i thought i would upset my children if i up rooted them, eventually they were as unhappy as i was. I waisted years in a relationship i did not want to be in & my children suffered because i made the mistake of staying for the wrong reasons.

Thanks for your responses.

I find it difficult to tolerate emotionally, but I think it will be better in the long run (for our son and for our finances) if I can stick it out for a couple more years.

I did and it was a bad idea. Ended up hurting the kids, me and him.

Busted, 50% of the assets already belong to his wife!

This is coming from the other side. I did not allow him to stay. He was having an emotional affair and when it became physical and got to the point where he was home to sleep and eat only, I told him I was done. Financially things would have been much easier if I had let him stay. Our daughter asked me outright if I would have let him stay if she had asked me to. I told her no. She knows much more about the situation than she should at 11, she's very perceptive. I in turn asked her if she would rather know that her mom and dad are only living with each other because their kids don't want them to divorce, or if it is better for her to know her Mom was strong enough to tell him she wouldn't settle. She said it's better this way anyway. I think it hurts the kids more in the end if you stay together for their sake. Hugs, you have a very tough decision ahead of you!