Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
First off, I'm really kicking myself in the a** here, I had been doing so good these past several weeks in the "moving on" stages of my breakup situation. I don't know if today could be looked upon as a "set back" or something, but since this event I've sure felt funky!
A couple days back my Mom calls and asked if I could tend to her pet's while out of town for the weekend, "sure no problem", what? You need me to do it on Sunday, no problem, I'll handle it! Well thankfully I'm back home now, I got it handled for her, but little did I know that while doing something nice as to help out my Mom, I'd be throwing myself back into the belly of the beast.
To tend to Mom's pet's meant that I'd have to go to her place to do it, normally in the distant past this wouldn't have been an issue. But in light of a recent event, namely an event that took place exactly 130 days ago, by happens chance at my Mom's house, a place I haven't been back to since, today with going back to her home, letting myself inside, walking around, I tried my best to be mentally guarded and shielded, but within approx. 10 minutes of being there my mental defenses weakened, the thoughts of my ex-fiance started to drift in. Being back to the exact spot that my ex-faince called it quits on "us" was really bothering me, making me uneasy and up to this point with doing so well with handling myself mentally, her place made it almost impossible to guard myself against it all.
But as the memory's drifted in, this time, unlike all the rest of times, but this time was different, this time the thoughts and memory's bore angry feelings! Normally I get all sad, mopey, and wallowey, not this time, I was just getting pissed. I starting thinking as I walked around, remembering that day 130 days ago. When my Mom offered my ex-fiance an invite, on the premise of continued family acceptance towards my ex-faince, who my Mom thought up to that point that we still needed to make my ex-faince feel like she belonged. So the invite was given and accepted, and hours later we were enjoying ourselves at the party.
As I walked by my Mom's patio set on the back deck of her home, I remembered that just an hour or two before my ex-faince announced that we were over, she sat there, enjoying herself, eating, drinking her Pepsi my Mom got especially for her, ect. ect. ect. Then I walked around the the pool, remembering that before the meal we were swimming in that, playing, laughing, splashing each other, with no signs that of any problems or soon to be made announcements.
Then i waked by my Mom's gas grill, instantly remembering my ex-faince and I standing "side by side" helping each other out with the cooking of everyones foods. Making sure all who attended the backyard office party got what they wanted and it was cooked just right for them. I was in charge of the meat, and my ex-faince was in charge of grilling the veggies. That was fun!
Then I walked back into the house and stood for a minute by my Mom's front door, remembering when my ex-faince, my Mom and I stood there as my Mom's office staff departed after the party, wishing everyone well, have a safe drive home, glad you had a good time, it was good to see you....yada.....yada....yada.....my ex-faince went as far with some of my Mom's guests as to tell people that she was looking forward to the next time she could hang out with them, giving every indication that she wasn't going anywhere.
Then I slowly approached and stopped by what I've come to figuratively call my love life's own personal "ground zero"! I stood by the very bar stool inside my Mom's kitchen that my ex-faince sat in after the party, I remember her sitting there and telling my Mom and I before Mom drove us back home, there was somethings she needed to say. This was the spot where my ex-faince made her announcement, right there, sitting in that bar stool, leaning against that piece of granite counter top, and from that spot it began!
I looked across the kitchen into the living room area, remembering after the announcement, that my Mom and my ex-fiance sitting atop my Mom's sofa for hours as my Mom tried the best she could to convince my ex-fiance that all the reasons she gave to end things were "petty" and "trivial" and "not worth blowing a relationship for", but alas, after hours of trying to convince her that what she was about to do was immature, not very well thought out, way to hasty and stupid, but in the end it was a "no go", she was done, she was over, she was already mentally checked out!
I don't know, today my Mom's house seemed to be a melting pot of thoughts and feelings and memory's and some emotions. I had been doing real good up to that point to guard myself from this sort of stuff, but I guess just being back at "ground zero", really being there and seeing, hearing, touching and feeling the place kind of brought some of it back in my head. I took care of the animals, I felt good about that, but being back there as a whole, damn hard!
Also knowing that my Mom is almost equally affected by my breakup as I am didn't help todays events. My Mom is still very hurt by it all. My Mom was almost the one lone family member that tried to assist my ex-fiance and myself with providing us situations that would give me ex-faince tons of "first time experiences"! My Mom did the best she could to facilitate my ex-faince in providing periodic financial assistance as so we could get out of the house and go do something. My Mom on many occasions offered us up invites to such places as shopping malls, restaurants and movie theaters, as to help provide my ex-faince with some "fun times"! But more importantly, my Mom gave my ex-faince acceptance, my Mom gave her friendship, my Mom gave her opportunity and the biggest thing........my Mom gave her love!
So yeah, Mom's pretty upset about how things played out, again, almost as much as I was. Sad part is, my Mom has this brass metal vine thing mounted on her living room wall. Each of the vines have leafs on them, little brass leaf's with words such as "Father" and "Son" and "Brother" and "Sister" and "Uncle" ect. ect. ect.....it was a family tree vine thing, each leaf had a name where the respective family member could be clipped to! Not just anyone adores this vine thing, even some family members haven't made it onto the vine yet, but the saddest thing here, the thing that disturbs me greatly, is that within a short period of time, my ex-faince earned a spot on the vine, a spot pretty high up to the top where all could see, her picture was mounted and clipped onto a leaf................and this leaf had the words "Daughter" on it!
My Mom already considered this woman family, this woman had earned a spot on the vine, and my Mom cried when having to take her down off the vine, my Mom did so very hurt, very upset and the way my ex-faince left us, she took down my ex-fiance's picture off the vine feeling very betrayed.
Sorry to have rambled on here, I guess when Aaron has an emotion, Aaron's fingers don't know when to stop depressing keys on the keyboard. Again,, I'm doing better now being back home, just today was a little mental kick in the crotch!
Thank you all for your time, hope you all are having the best day you can for yourselves!
A couple days back my Mom calls and asked if I could tend to her pet's while out of town for the weekend, "sure no problem", what? You need me to do it on Sunday, no problem, I'll handle it! Well thankfully I'm back home now, I got it handled for her, but little did I know that while doing something nice as to help out my Mom, I'd be throwing myself back into the belly of the beast.
To tend to Mom's pet's meant that I'd have to go to her place to do it, normally in the distant past this wouldn't have been an issue. But in light of a recent event, namely an event that took place exactly 130 days ago, by happens chance at my Mom's house, a place I haven't been back to since, today with going back to her home, letting myself inside, walking around, I tried my best to be mentally guarded and shielded, but within approx. 10 minutes of being there my mental defenses weakened, the thoughts of my ex-fiance started to drift in. Being back to the exact spot that my ex-faince called it quits on "us" was really bothering me, making me uneasy and up to this point with doing so well with handling myself mentally, her place made it almost impossible to guard myself against it all.
But as the memory's drifted in, this time, unlike all the rest of times, but this time was different, this time the thoughts and memory's bore angry feelings! Normally I get all sad, mopey, and wallowey, not this time, I was just getting pissed. I starting thinking as I walked around, remembering that day 130 days ago. When my Mom offered my ex-fiance an invite, on the premise of continued family acceptance towards my ex-faince, who my Mom thought up to that point that we still needed to make my ex-faince feel like she belonged. So the invite was given and accepted, and hours later we were enjoying ourselves at the party.
As I walked by my Mom's patio set on the back deck of her home, I remembered that just an hour or two before my ex-faince announced that we were over, she sat there, enjoying herself, eating, drinking her Pepsi my Mom got especially for her, ect. ect. ect. Then I walked around the the pool, remembering that before the meal we were swimming in that, playing, laughing, splashing each other, with no signs that of any problems or soon to be made announcements.
Then i waked by my Mom's gas grill, instantly remembering my ex-faince and I standing "side by side" helping each other out with the cooking of everyones foods. Making sure all who attended the backyard office party got what they wanted and it was cooked just right for them. I was in charge of the meat, and my ex-faince was in charge of grilling the veggies. That was fun!
Then I walked back into the house and stood for a minute by my Mom's front door, remembering when my ex-faince, my Mom and I stood there as my Mom's office staff departed after the party, wishing everyone well, have a safe drive home, glad you had a good time, it was good to see you....yada.....yada....yada.....my ex-faince went as far with some of my Mom's guests as to tell people that she was looking forward to the next time she could hang out with them, giving every indication that she wasn't going anywhere.
Then I slowly approached and stopped by what I've come to figuratively call my love life's own personal "ground zero"! I stood by the very bar stool inside my Mom's kitchen that my ex-faince sat in after the party, I remember her sitting there and telling my Mom and I before Mom drove us back home, there was somethings she needed to say. This was the spot where my ex-faince made her announcement, right there, sitting in that bar stool, leaning against that piece of granite counter top, and from that spot it began!
I looked across the kitchen into the living room area, remembering after the announcement, that my Mom and my ex-fiance sitting atop my Mom's sofa for hours as my Mom tried the best she could to convince my ex-fiance that all the reasons she gave to end things were "petty" and "trivial" and "not worth blowing a relationship for", but alas, after hours of trying to convince her that what she was about to do was immature, not very well thought out, way to hasty and stupid, but in the end it was a "no go", she was done, she was over, she was already mentally checked out!
I don't know, today my Mom's house seemed to be a melting pot of thoughts and feelings and memory's and some emotions. I had been doing real good up to that point to guard myself from this sort of stuff, but I guess just being back at "ground zero", really being there and seeing, hearing, touching and feeling the place kind of brought some of it back in my head. I took care of the animals, I felt good about that, but being back there as a whole, damn hard!
Also knowing that my Mom is almost equally affected by my breakup as I am didn't help todays events. My Mom is still very hurt by it all. My Mom was almost the one lone family member that tried to assist my ex-fiance and myself with providing us situations that would give me ex-faince tons of "first time experiences"! My Mom did the best she could to facilitate my ex-faince in providing periodic financial assistance as so we could get out of the house and go do something. My Mom on many occasions offered us up invites to such places as shopping malls, restaurants and movie theaters, as to help provide my ex-faince with some "fun times"! But more importantly, my Mom gave my ex-faince acceptance, my Mom gave her friendship, my Mom gave her opportunity and the biggest thing........my Mom gave her love!
So yeah, Mom's pretty upset about how things played out, again, almost as much as I was. Sad part is, my Mom has this brass metal vine thing mounted on her living room wall. Each of the vines have leafs on them, little brass leaf's with words such as "Father" and "Son" and "Brother" and "Sister" and "Uncle" ect. ect. ect.....it was a family tree vine thing, each leaf had a name where the respective family member could be clipped to! Not just anyone adores this vine thing, even some family members haven't made it onto the vine yet, but the saddest thing here, the thing that disturbs me greatly, is that within a short period of time, my ex-faince earned a spot on the vine, a spot pretty high up to the top where all could see, her picture was mounted and clipped onto a leaf................and this leaf had the words "Daughter" on it!
My Mom already considered this woman family, this woman had earned a spot on the vine, and my Mom cried when having to take her down off the vine, my Mom did so very hurt, very upset and the way my ex-faince left us, she took down my ex-fiance's picture off the vine feeling very betrayed.
Sorry to have rambled on here, I guess when Aaron has an emotion, Aaron's fingers don't know when to stop depressing keys on the keyboard. Again,, I'm doing better now being back home, just today was a little mental kick in the crotch!
Thank you all for your time, hope you all are having the best day you can for yourselves!
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
Hopefully, now you can look forward and give yourself lots of self care.
You deserve it.
((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
First off thank you for taking the time to chime in and inject some thoughts. Your right, 100% right, this process I went through at my Mom's house was something that was bound to happen eventually and it was something that needed to happen. I'm not going to lie or pull any punches, it was hard, as I visited certain locations around my Mom's home, it was hard, but surprisingly enough it was not "unbearably hard"! I guess it was good that I faced some of those thoughts and feelings I was having. Heck, I just about did the same thing with many locations around town, visited them to get into the emotions of the memory's that were lingering around many places that used to be our "special places"! Even though I made a goal plan here on Daily Strength as to not re-visit any of the "special places" for 30 days, I guess my Mom's home can't fall under that plan, she'd probably get upset with me if it did! Oh and by the way hpnote, you share something in common with me ex-faince, you both reside in the same State, she's in Columbus, back in the "maggot bowl" as her family likes to call it.
SerenitySpeaks.......you said "Often I like being able to move like if you share a place, but in this case its your moms home"! Yup, in this case it was my Mom's home! A home that she has now lived in for almost 10 years, I don't know the likely hood of her moving anytime soon, just because her Son currently has some emotional/mental issues with being at her home. She'd tell me to go take a huge leap off a short pier. But anyways I'm sure they may the day that being back at my Mom's home will have less of an affect on me. But unlike my Mom that will not move, I did. Little over 1 month ago I made the choice to move myself out of my prior home, a home which was shared between me and my ex-faince for approx. 14 months. I had to get out, in short, to many memory's and visual reminders. I like it much better in my new home, I'm more at ease with things now.
And please don;t worry yourself to much about saying "guess I get more emotional on this stuff"! Getting emotional about topics like the one I've posted here are okay. Trust me when I say that I'm not saying emotions are bad, just because I felt so many at my Mom's, for that all emotions should be deemed "bad"! We have to go through the emotions that are born upon a breakup, we do, we have to go through them. I tried my best at first to deny them, run from them, lie about them, cheat myself out of them, but eventually no matter how hard we all try to run from the emotions, they will always catch up to us in the end. So getting emotional because of this "stuff" is alright, feel it and let it out!
Thank you both for taking the time to inject your thoughts here, it was very much appreciated.