Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I spoke with a lawyer and this is what they have to say. My house is free and clear so he would get 1/2 the equity, all bills are split down the middle even if the other persons name is not on the debt as the debt was acquired during the marriage, spousal support not likely as incomes are similar and child support only till age 18 and my son is 16. I don't have the money to buy him out of the house nor to pay the attorney any ideas from those whom have been the on what else I can do? He put this in motion and I am left with all of the mess!
At the end of the day, is that house really worth hanging onto?
Might a fresh start be better? Selling it and splitting proceeds?
Are you screwed? Well it depends on what's gone on in the marriage. If he's gone crazy with bills and you're in a community property state...then yes...you are. Getting out sooner than later is in your best interests. If you think that you might, at some time, have to declare bankruptcy, then talk to a bankruptcy lawyer sooner than later, and definitely BEFORE the divorce.
If you're screwed because you put something that you paid for before the marriage into his name...then talk to a lawyer. You are usually stuck, but it depends on the details.
Everyone seems to fight over the house...but it's not always in your best interests to keep it. IF you can't afford it easily...even if it costs less than renting...it's probably NOT a good idea to keep it. (For one thing...selling a house is usually expensive, if you have to move after the divorce...all of those costs are yours and yours alone.) For another, roofs leak...do you have 5-10k in the bank to fix yours? Major expenses are to be expected. Going bankrupt can make even renting an apartment, getting insurance, getting a job and a whole bunch of other things much more difficult. Best to avoid it if you can.
How about taking the money from the house, putting it into a 401k, getting a small apartment near where you work, cutting down on commute time, gas, and many other expenses. Downsizing all that you have and ditching all of the "things"/memories from the marriage...it's not a bad thing. Being free from the house, if your son moves...you've got the option to follow him without having to deal with a house...
I managed to hang onto my farm and got his name off of it about two years ago. SC is a great place to get a divorce. I would rather be married but that didn't work out. The ex made the money and insisted I not work. Since he cheated and got caught he was at fault. This farm does bring in some income and I have no mortgage or truck note at this time. It would have been a lot easier to sell and move somewhere else but I'm established here and it would be too hard to start over in another area and try to board horses to pay my bills. If I didn't have this farm I would have done what patti suggested.
The well has been repaired several times. I had to put in a second well that was $6300 dollars. I had a repair on that well to the tune of $400.00. A new roof on the house was about the same amount as the new well. I have repairs that need to be made but I can live without fixing those for now. I have had to put in a new hot water heater and luckily that was thru my electrical co-op. They just replaced that water heater when it died on me and was still under warranty. The gfi plugs in the kitchen quit working last Thanksgiving day. I had to replace the kitchen faucet. The oven needed a $400.00 part. The dishwasher will be next and I've already replaced the freezer and refrigerator. The microwave will have to be replaced from the money I earn boarding horses. You need to look at what can and probably will go wrong with the things in your house. Can you afford to replace those items and if you have to buy out the ex then you will have a house note if you don't already have one. You may have a second note to pay for buying him out of the house.
If I was in your position I would do what patti suggested. A nice small apartment and money in the bank drawing some interest would give you a feeling of security until you get a clear thought to what you want your future to be.
What you encapsulated sounds right to me. Half of everything acquired during the marriage. Spousal support if there is need and ability to pay -- based on marital standard of living. Child support based on percentage of custody.
A couple of notes: If either of you put separate property into the down for the house, you are entitled to get that back before you split the equity. Child support goes until 18 or completion of high school, whichever is later. Don't know how you cover health benefits, but make sure to spell it out in your agreement.
Good luck. The good news is that you own a home free and clear, Getting 1/2 equity should put you into a decent place with a reasonable mortgage.
you and Your lawyer, every state is different and every family
financial Setup is a little different. Many times you are much
better off if you Can figure out the division without the judge
or a trial involved, With children there are more steps involved.
Many states are no fault and 50-50 after so many years, some
Have waiting periods, some have fault options. No one can
Truly advise anyone else too many variables even within the
Same state because of your own personal setup.
Find a good divorce lawyer that you trust. I listened to mine
Because that was her arena not mine. HUGS
Playing "let's make a deal" before lawyer have spent hours on it, might make it worth it for you to take 80-90% of the value. Yes, you might get more than that...but the lawyers fees might essentially eat that up. Giving up something to get this done fast is usually worth it. When each of you walk away thinking that "it could have been better OR it could have been worse"...then you know that you've about gotten it right. Trick is to have a good idea of what a judge would decide. And for that...you need a lawyer who will be honest with you, and not just tell you what you want to hear.
It does feel like being screwed. I worked, my ex was at home. He had a long term affair and left. I had to split the assets and pay spousal support. It seemed incredibly unfair. I lost my family, half my assets, and almost half my cash flow in one fell swoop.
I was at my lawyers' office, it was pretty early in the process, and I started to panic over the funds. She said to me "every woman Client I have ever had feels like the money is impossible and that she will be destitute. It doesn't matter if she makes 35k or 200k or millions - she thinks she will be destitute. They aren't, and neither will you be. You will get thru this - trust me"
She calmed me down and she was right. Money is not easy - but it is manageable. Amazing how we adjust...
You have your own income. You have control over your own destiny. That is an amazing thing.