Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband of 30+ yrs. confessed to cheating on me with strippers/lap dancers. After months of counseling he still is indifferent to my pain. Still says, "It meant nothing to me, it should mean nothing to you." He went once to a counselor alone who told him he needed to validate my feelings and do some nice things for me. He told me all this, but he never really did it.
Today, I told him that since he cancelled any more sessions with the counselor (which he did), I felt that after all these months, that I had reached the end of the line. All along, I had been pushing him to do something...ANYTHING to show remorse and to make it up to me.
So, he moved out...again. Am I asking too much?
Today, I told him that since he cancelled any more sessions with the counselor (which he did), I felt that after all these months, that I had reached the end of the line. All along, I had been pushing him to do something...ANYTHING to show remorse and to make it up to me.
So, he moved out...again. Am I asking too much?
Good luck.
Indifferent i'd say, doesn't seem to give a you know what?
Did you ask for this? Have you been a loving and devoted wife? Did you do your part in the marriage to make it work, because if you answered yes to any of these questions, then your free! You did what you could it's his dumbass that can't see a good woman, he needs to be served.
If he moved out again, like mine did that's his chance to be free and single. He will probably come back because you let him, Like i do, so i would say this time, if you do plan to get back together do it on your terms or no terms. He's the one that is showing you he doesn't care how you feel, you need to stand up for yourself.
I will let you know how it goes with mine if you want. He left me easter day and we have finally communicated today and it went ok i managed to control my anger, but there is no reconciliation, but atleast there is communication.
Lynne
And here's some information that may be helpful to you
Some information from Kimmeee: (one of community leaders)
Privacy features.
Go to my account on the left side of the screen below your profile. You will see provisions for changing your privacy and who sees what you post.
You may pick friends only and only friends will see this or you may pick Ds members only. That mean anyone that has a ds membership will be able to view your profile and see your hugs. If you choose everyone, people will be able to google you and see what you have written.
If you use the journal feature you may want to make them friends only.
If you want to chat with anyone, you can do this but you may get many requests from Ghana asking for money. Just end the chat, and report it to us. Report any inappropriate sexual overtones in a PM or chat to us with the member name or to the admins using the abuse link.
You may Set to friends only and this will cut down on who can contact you.
The Community leaders for this group or CL's are
ChiTownBear, Chrurop, and myself. We can answer general questions and we help to limit trolls.
If you receive a Private message or PM that says something to the effect of I saw your profile and I really like what I see, they send you an email to contact them. Please forward that to one of the CL so that we can ban that member.
If you have anyone show abusive behavior toward you in a pm you may use the report abuse button at the bottom of each post and report them to the admins.
If you have general questions about the Rules of the Road or The Terms of Service, that is here.
http://www.dailystrength.org/help/faq
This is a manual for newcomers. It has tried and true ideas from all of us that have had to walk this new path.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
From Patti:
I started to write this in reply to someone else but decided to make it it's own post.
Wake up. Force yourself to get dressed.
Reward yourself with a cup of coffee or tea. This is a big accomplishment. (Thus the silly posts on here debating which is better.)
Then force yourself to keep your mind on something else. This is VERY hard. (Thus all of the silly OT topics which are really much much more ON topic than some people realize.)
Reach out for support....Everywhere. It will probably hit you hard when some of the people that you thought would be supportive won't be. And some of the thoughtless comments will have the power to send you into a dark hole. So come on here and tell us all about them. Chances are someone's heard the same thing, or worse, and can help you throught them.
It will also surprise you the people who will be supportive. I lost a ton of weight, and while buying some clothes, the cashier sympathized and remembered going through the same thing.
Talk, talk, and talk. Talk it to death if you have to.
And also come on here where we understand that sometimes you want to talk about anything Except what's going on. (Thus all of the Other OT topics, that really aren't OT at all.)
Some of us got hurt badly by abuse, some by infedelity, some dealt with alcohol/drugs, and some are going back to work for the first time in years and years. And a lot of us go through issues with our kids.
Take a chance and post. The OT stuff gets tons of responses because so many of us are trying NOT to think about it all, but don't let that fool you. This is a divorce and breakup site. We're all in different stages of it.
Hugs. And sorry that you're here.
From Nannylisa:
10 Things You Can Do to Cheer Yourself Up
Whether you have the winter blues, you're suffering from a disappointment, or you're just feeling a little down, we all have times when we could use a little lift. Here are 10 ideas to get you back on the upswing.
1. Plan Some Fun. Get out your calendar. Next do a search for things to do in your area. Local newspapers usually have a "What's Going On" section. Pick out your favorite 5 or 10 things. And remember the things you choose don't have to be big events. It can be as simple as taking a long drive in the country or going for a walk on the beach. Write them into your calendar. Invite someone to join you on some. For others go and meet some new people.
2. Express Your Creativity. Do some painting. Decorate your house with flowers. Do a paper mache project. Pick up that guitar, practice and write a song. Practice juggling. Make a funny photo album with all those old photos you've got in boxes by adding quirky caption above each picture. Learn how to play the harmonica. Write and illustrate a mini book or comic book. Maybe pick your favorite movie get a friend to act out one of the scenes with you while you videotape it. It doesn't have to be good. Just doing these things will make you feel good. And if you keep doing them you'll naturally get better.
3. Get Outside. Fresh air does wonders for your body and spirit. If you can go to a park or a place in nature, even better. Here are some things you could do: go for a walk, fly a kite, plant some vegetables or flowers, roller skate, ride a bike, or go on a 'treasure hunt" to find things for an art project.
4. Let Music Take You Higher. Turn on your favorite music and sing! Pull down the shades and dance. Rent a video on belly dancing. If you're in your car, you can still move a little to the music. Go for it! What do you care what other people think? Have fun with it! Sing, dance, play an instrument. Practice your favorite song and then go to karaoke and let the world hear your talent!
5. Walk a Dog. If you don't have your own dog, offer to walk a neighbor's dog. Or even better yet, sign up at the local MSPCA to walk the pooches who have no one to love them. What a nice way to make a difference!
6. Volunteer. There are so many ways to help others. Here are a few ideas.
* Feed people. Volunteer at a food kitchen or make your own homemade batch of food and share it with people who could use it: shut-ins, elderly, new mothers, someone who is works too much, etc.
* Help People: volunteer with the Salvation Army, the Red Cross, or Meels on Wheels.
* Mentor. Check out Big Brother/Big Sister, Mentoring.org, or SCORE(mentoring small business start-ups).
7. A Change Will Do You Good. Get some order in your house. Change your furniture around. Change your decorations, or maybe go minimalist for a change. Clear out the clutter. It doesn't matter where you start. Just pick a place in your home that's been bugging you and attack it! Then sell, throw, or give away stuff you don't need. You'll feel great afterward and you'll have made a dent in making your living space more peaceful. And maybe it will give you inspiration to tackle another area tomorrow.
8. Plan a Party. There doesn't need to be a good reason other than it's time for some fun. Start with a small idea and build around it. Maybe you can get inspired by a theme, certain foods, or your favorite music to get the ball rolling. Then think about who you would like to invite. When and where will you have it? Will you cook, hire caterers, or make it pot luck? A meal or finger foods? Will there be dancing, contests, games, or other fun stuff like costumes? Maybe it will be low key with some jazz music, wine and cheese. Or maybe it will be a Hawaiian luau. Or maybe if you have a lot of singe friends you can have a white elephant party. Call a friend for help with the logistics.
9. Personal Spa and Relaxation Day. Include as many of these ideas as you like or have time for. Get a massage, pedicure, and haircut. Take a bubble bath with candles, music and champagne. Give yourself an egg-white or mud mask facial. Line up 2-3 movies to watch in bed while eating your favorite delights: ice cream, chocolate, whip cream, jello, popcorn, finger food hors d'oeuvre, and more. What else would you include to pamper yourself?
10. Reach Out. Connect with friends and family. When was the last time you wrote and mailed an actual letter? Why not do it today? Or how about making some home made post cards with materials you have lying around the house. Cutout some pictures from magazines or from your photo collection and make a mini collage. Maybe just call one old friend from college or high school that you haven't talked to in forever. Or maybe you could visit a neighbor who might need some cheering up too! Bring some cookies!
From me:
One of our newer members posted wondering what a few terms meant so let me try to help:
Nabbing - just a little game - on non-serious threads some of us try to get the next round number like 20 or 30. Sometimes, on a thread that veered into six, someone may try for 69 - it's just how we feel.
Trolls - these are people who invade DS and don't really have a serious issue - it's hard to tell for new people but here are some general guidelines:
a) They have recently joined DS
b) no hugs, friends, photos, other groups
c) repetitious posts with the same hardluck story (ie, David yesterday)
d) for women, typically really huge breasts in their picture; guys are usually impossibly handsome
e) you will see some of the longtimers (ALC, Kimmeee, Frank,
Veech, and others) jump on the person
Banning - the person is deleted from DS and can't post anymore
Ignoring - there is a feature on a person's profile that allows you to ignore that person. That means that you will not see that person's posts.
A lurker is someone who is behind the scenes - he/she reads the threads and posts but never or seldom does any.
STBX= Soon to be ex
fucktard - well that one's easy, same as sbtx
OP - I've seen OP stand for "Other Person" when used in the context of a marital affair or "Original Poster" when used in the context of a message board thread.
MIL - Mother in Law
BIL - Brother in Law
SIL- Sister in Law
OW- other woman
OM - other man
PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder
And from our wonderful Z:
Welcome to DS. I'm sorry for your pain. We know that drill all too well and it is so sad to see someone going through this hurt. Here are the links that a fellow DS member, PGamble, put together. We all care. It's time roll up your sleeves and start taking those necessary steps before we MARCH MARCH MARCH. Do your part and we will walk beside you and you should seek counseling in addition to your daily strength. Godspeed.
http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakup...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://dailystrength.org/help/cris...
http://www.hud.gov/homeless/index.cfm
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Bre...
Lynnw
Expecting too much? Maybe. What I mean is that this man who has cheated on you and lied to you is likely not capable and certainly not willing to be the man you need him to be.
The question is, what will you do? Are you willing to settle for less than halfway? You cannot control what he does, only your reaction and your own actions.
(((e7705)))