I am here for u, that's same situation I am in married 20 years, I have 2 teenagers and he just started talking to a woman at work and found out they was having a affair so I kicked him out and were divorced and I'm home alone and he just moved right in with her. Sucks my life turned out this way, dont even get me started on dating that's been another disaster hopefully our lives get better

Sharing our life? That kind of tells me that he may be struggling with his own identity. I’m married (25 years) and this is a huge thing that we are working on. In fact it may be one of the reasons if we don’t make it through our issues. We want to feel freer and be our own people more. But to seek that outside of your marriage is so hurtful. And so immature. Because it’s showing he wants to feel different but probably doesn’t know how to do that. It’s not easy. And to do it right (mature&gracefully) takes growing up and communicating with eachother. Did you tell him that this is devastating to you? That he is destroying your marriage. For ever? Make sure he knows and that when he totally succeeds in breaking your heart that there is no going back from that. Trust me on this. I have been through this and after a decade we are just starting to heal from the damage. Just wanted you to know what the stakes are that he’s so callously gambling with. He might be betting that you will still be there if he flames out. Don’t be the safety net. I tried that and it has hurt terribly. Please try to become stronger in yourself. You will need you, NOT him.

Thank you both for responding. I am learning how to be on my own. All of our marriage we have been together and done stuff together as a family. So I have forgotten how to be on my own. He already knows he has totally devasted me. I am really thinking of filing for divorce. I know what was wrong in our relationship and it could have been fixed. He is blaming me for forcing him to go to her, because i told him he needed to figure out his feelings for her and be truthful to me. This has been going on for almost 2 years that i know of and they have been friends for many more. was a coworker of his and he changed jobs, he will not open all his passwords etc. to me. I had been going to counseling at our church but i had stopped that cause he didnt want to go. I am trying to find some groups or something to find friends that have the same likes i do. a friend told me i needed to get on with my life and not be his safety net and that is what i am trying to do. thanks for all the suggestions and insite.

Anytime. That’s why we’re here. Support! I’m sorry you are hurting so much. Even though I was cheated on (for two years) it never ceases to amaze me that people do this to the ones who have been by them for so long. Or in any situation for that matter! While we stayed together once she ended it, we shouldn’t have. Our marriage was over from them on, we just couldn’t admit it. Now that I am coming out of the place I’ve been hiding in, I feel some hope for the first time. I had taken it all so personally, like the entire mess was my fault. Now that I am learning how to open up and love myself again I am seeing clearly that it wasn’t my fault. Sure there are things we could have done differently, but that’s not the point. She didn’t want to try. Still may not actually. So we may have to make some serious decisions soon. Living in limbo is terrible. Don’t do that to yourself. Move on. He has. And while he may not even be aware that he made a decision, you can. And you can be empowered by yours! Not be guilty and doubting. That’s for them to deal with. Best wishes! You will get through this and become a stronger woman when you do.

Hi, I am in the same boat, your story sounds like mine. After 19 years together and 18 months of being separated I found out that he has been seeing someone for the whole 18 months we've been apart, someone he worked with. I had asked him this whole time if there was something going on between them and he always denied it until recently.
I'm struggling with being on my own. We always spent family time in the weekends doing things all together. And now that our kids are older it was supposed to be our time to do things as a couple. So weekends are so hard for me because anything I used to love to do reminds me of what I have lost. What he threw away for some girl. It sucks.

leftbehind20 Hi I agree it sucks and i am so emotionally stressed over it. i have decided that i am ready to move on i dont need this. We had issues but i feel we could have gotten thru them. we raised 4 awesome kids together and i supported him to get his masters and than i went back and got my AA. Now it is supposed to be our time and he doesnt want to just be with me and have a great life together. well the hell with him. he can his girl and her five kids and see how he helps. I can and will make it on my own.

Finallyawakenow. I have finally admitted to myself and that is all that i need to worry about. I dont have kids at home to worry about. Is me and my animals. He can have her and one day will realize what he lost and will be on him. He keeps telling me it is all his fault and no all the problems were not his fault, but the destroying our marriage is. it is very hard and i have more hard moments than good. The other problem is i work for his father which he is not close too and i hope that works out cause i really like my job and that was one of the problems before we moved. Thanks for the support it helps a lot.

Shaner23, I dont even want to start dating for a while. We are in a really rural area and i am not sure where i will even meet people. How long did you wear your wedding ring. I had a beautiful forever diamond ring with guard but took that off some time ago and am just wearing my original band only. I cant believe this has happened to me. we had so much fun together when we were both in love and together. It hasnt been much fun for about 4 years. This is not the first time he has done this to me. I told him I would not take it again. and well here we are again but i am not staying with it. I know God has a plan for me and I will figure it out soon enough. I think i am going to wait a few months to file but not solid on that decision yet. Thanks for the support.

I often wonder that if we can’t work through our issues how long I would wear my ring after a separation or even divorce. One of the problems is that I love being married and after 25 years she isn’t as excited about it as I am. It’s hard when we drift apart. And even harder when one does. I feel the same way. Kids grown and this should be our time. But the life is not shining very bright in her now. Hopefully that will change with love and respect. But anything can happen at this point and I need to be ready. I know that if we split that I won’t be in a hurry to jump into another relationship. Try to enjoy being alone for a while.

Ps. I’m so glad to hear you say that you feel God has a plan for you! I have found,also, through my personal experience that it is a comforting thought. I take time for myself now to walk in the forest or meditate by streams just breathe with mindfulness. All this brings joy from deep inside which assures me I will be ok. And practicing this when ever I can, I find that I can remember and go to that place when my anxiety presents itself. I wish this gift for all who are hurting. I recently read a great explanation on the difference of joy and happiness. Imagine a man in the dessert thirsty. He sees an oasis with trees and water. The joy is his knowing he will drink soon. The happiness is actually getting the water in his mouth. So starting to see some joy can be our anticipation that something good Will come. The more we can open our hearts the easier it will be to recognize

I was married 25 years, we have 4 kids, two adult on their own, two at home. We have been divorced 3 years. Recently he said he had met someone on line about a month ago, today he says they are moving in together. He is an abusive alcoholic, and sober about 18 months.
I am having an emotional roller coaster of everything...I don't want him back, but I can't let go of these emotions.
I hate being single, I hate doing it all alone,
If you BOTH want to save your marriage, find a way. But I learned the hard way, you can't do it alone.
I would have done anything to save my marriage, but he would not could not make the effort while drunk.
If you want to and he wants to -- find a way.

Try a different way to communicate, try everything. But if only one tries, it can't work.
Maybe write him a letter, take your time, express your feelings in as positive a way as possible. Delete anything that sounds negative. When you write vs. talk you can't be interrupted, and you can change how you say things so he does not take it wrong or negative.
Just a suggestion, but he has to be open, see if he is open to working on it. Ask him to write you back, so he too can express his feelings without interruption and leading to a disagreement.... God Bless,

Sunshine50, I am sorry you are going thru yours...i am trying he says he cant talk to me. i dont know why he cant and doesnt want too...I am doing everything to try to save our marriage but i cant make him do the same. I dont know what to do about it. He talks to OW for hours on phone and messaging and tells her he loves her and she the same. I dont feel that is someone trying to save their marriage. He has everyone convinced they are just friends. I am so hurt by it and the first time i found out about the ilove you is 2 years in october. I just dont think it is just friends. He blames me cause i told him to figure out his feelings for her and he told me he had other feelings for her. The part that is keeping it from happening physically is that we are in Wisconsin and she is in Florida. I know i will hate being single too but i am willing to do it instead of being the second one. if you know what i mean. it is so hard when you still love them. I didnt know i could cry this much. weekends are the worse. I am super busy at work right now so that helps. He always wants to come over and do stuff here not with me but here and i keep trying to get him to stay away and let me be alone if he doesnt want to be with me. I am sorry i am just ranting...it is just tough and writing it down helps. I know I will be ok but is very hard. Good luck hopefully if you want you will find someone to love you as you deserve. God Bless and I will be praying for you...

Bebe11
that is excatly right it doesnt matter whos fault it is. I dont know if he does or not. What he would like is that i just let it happen and him have me too. That is not happening I have let it go on this long. I am tired of it. I asked him to give her up or move out well he moved out. That tells me a lot. I am not filing for divorce yet cause i am trying to give it time and see. one minute I love him and miss the hell out of him being around and another glad he is gone and i do not need him. The only way i am going to take him back is that he gives her up 100% and makes me feel that he loves me and only me. I cant believe how much a person can cry. God will let me know what he wants me to do. I just have to be patient and I am not very good at that.

thanks all for support....

Mine also told me I pushed him towards the OW because I kept asking if there was anything going on between them. It's such a dumb excuse! Especially since I now know he was seeing her right from the start before he even told me that he was unhappy and needed time apart.

And you would think eventually the tears would dry up. And I'm sure at some point they will it just doesn't seem like it right now. The longest I've gone between crying bouts is a couple of days. I wish our youngest was an adult already or off to college because then I wouldn't need to see him at all. But that is still another 6 years away.

And I keep looking to God to ask for help moving on, help letting go.

Sorry for the long rant. This evening had been particularly hard.